Supermarket Sweep!

Lastnight, I managed to successfully break myself, so much so that popping to the local shop to get some milk hurt - and trying to avoid anyone I knew, mainly due to my state was impossible, as I bumped into Next Door John. Always great to see and speak to him, but when you're about to be violently sick in the middle of the street - not always a good view.

Anyhoo, after getting showered and making myself and Pip a cup of tea, we get to the train station, hopping onto a train into Brum to do a bit of retail therapy. We ended up in the Bull Ring and flounced around alot, popping into the Apple store, pondering a purchase of remote control headphones - but decided against it. We got to selfridges and split up, Pip looking at girlie stuff, me looking at blokes stuff - and within nano seconds, I picked up enough clothing to cost around 250 quid - minimum, but after trying on some, decided against some of it. Picking up new Ted Baker tshirts is one of my hobbies - but cant help it, I just like the clothing - and at that point bumped into Pip again, who was holding a pen worth 2quid or something.

We wandered downstairs to the food emporium, where my stomach turned when we went past Ant Pepper, Scorpion in Wine and Wasps in Honey. Luckily for me, the Verve Cliquot stand was pretty close so I chuckled to myself to try getting the previous images out of my head. Just before lunch, I picked up another tshirt and Philippa drooled over shoes - then we headed to somewhere that reminded me of home - Greggs! I remember going to the Newcastle United matches, warming myself up on sausage rolls to keep me alive for the duration of the game - mmm.

Managed to find a magazine rack that I liked - I've been after one, well two, for about 4 months - but dont like the basket style ones - but prefer the "X" style ones - picked up two in Muji for 15 quid each - simple, but looks tidier and fab!

We had a wander around house of frazer, purchased a couple of nifty items, then about to head towards the station when we pasted O'Neils surf shop - Philippa picking up a couple of tshirts and a pair of socks - me picking up a bargain in a jacket type top. It said 65 quid on the label, which kinda put me off - but thought, what the hell, so decided to take it - nice to get to the till and them asking for 40 quid, then on the way out, setting off all the security alarms.

When we got back, we were both in no fit state to go out, so we ordered in dominos pizza, had the remaining glasses of wine that we had left - then chilled out in front of TV - to which I ended up leaving Pip to sleep and get an early night - rock and roll at 30 hey ? Enjoyable day, really liked it, spent a fortune & had a scream.

Happy Birthday Blunty!

After dropping Philippa back off at my gaff, I hooked up with Headworth and Blunt (both in best suits) at Bar 44 in Leamington where JT was having his son's Christening. He was already a little worse for wear, but Rich and Blunty looked semi OK - considering they started drinking at midday. So kindly accepting one of my "two quiet beverages" we watched the cricket on the back wall - I never really got on with cricket, mainly because I never followed it at school/uni and dont really know all the rules. After my second of my "two quiet beverages" there was talk of just heading home and calling it a day, but you could see the glint in Blunty's eyes to suggest otherwise.

We ended up in Satchwells to try out some of the Kronenbourg Blanc (KB) that Rich has been harping on about for weeks - Pippa said she would take me - but as you know from the previous story - she is currently in a boozed up state on my sofa. So, I get one of these, while the lads get their own drinks and we sit down. Good thing about Sundays in Satchwells - its not full of chavs, drunken idiots or prozzie's - so we were able to chat and chill a little. Rich was piping on about how he was going to go home and have an early one - but we knew it would never happen, so after a couple of minutes checking out where the security cameras were, I asked blunty to shove the KB glass in his jacket, as I knew Philippa would like it as a present.

We head on down to the Well, all now a little light headed, only to be comfronted by the Quiz - both myself and Rich licked our lips - but restrained from taking part - only suggesting to one of our old team mates that we would help out if and when we good. Rory was kind enough to take my request up of singing happy birthday to Blunty in the Well, where he was a little shocked that everyone started to sing it - Rich ensuring he is nowhere to be blamed for this. We continued with the lager, then onto the shots with the quiz still on going and it was getting tight, but with the new General Knowledge Monkey, Blunty, and Musical & Sport Guru's of Steve and Rich, they managed to get the prize money and tickets to the Apollo Cinema - we didnt get to see any of this.

We were a little drunk at this point, but continued to hear some of the Acoustic night, only for Blunty to ask if we fancied a curry. Rich passed, but I said I would, as I was hungry, and I would take some back for Philippa so she wasnt sharving to death. Rich passed and said he would stay to finish his drinks. At this point, myself and Blunty had swapped some clothes around, somehow, where I was wearing his tie and jacket and he was in just a white shirt. We also managed to gain a straw each, only to wear them like "bouncer" mic's so on the way out, I somehow worked out it would be funny to ID everyone coming in, and wishing everyone on the way out a good night. I thought I was doing a fantastic job to be honest, although the "friendliest bouncer in the world was shaking his head and muttering under his breath "Ignore him, please". Rich walked out looking somewhat confused at the situation, walked off in the direction of his home, shaking his head. To which, myself and Blunty, straws intact, went for a curry ordering three meals - one to take out for the lovely Peej.

We had a nice chinwag, nice meal and some dodgy drinks - and thankfully I was wearing Blunty's jacket, coz he got his white shirt covered in Curry. We asked for the bill, only for Blunty to wave his credit card at the waiter and getting "Sorry sir, cash or cheque only here". Luckily, I had enough to foot the bill, and stole his jacket as down payment. We bid each other good night and staggered off in opposite directions.

On returning to my gaff, all the lights were out, so silently (Warning :- might have sounded like an elephant) crept into the flat, trying not to wake Pippa up. Of course, she awoke, to me announcing that I had her curry, and a suprise. She kinda twisted her nose in displeasure at me and asked what curry I had for her, to which I replied "some chicken stuff" - again, a nose twisting look which just says "Pissed off, need sleep, go away". Trying to make things better, I tell her I got her a glass, imagining she would be dead happy - of course, this got a nose twisting look as well - so write the night off by trying to get into bed. Then, "You didnt go out with a jacket on did you? and where did you get that tie from? and why on god's earth do you have a straw in your ear?!?"

Bad news, you can just imagine Philippa's perception of me has completely changed .. To Bed!

The Season Starts HERE!

I prepared some breakfast for myself and Pippa, she wasnt looking in a good state at all, so I thought I would just leave her to it, but make sure she had everything she needed - I'm that kind of a friend. We were heading towards noon and knowing that Newcastle United's first game of the season was against Arsenal and was on Sky Sports, this was a great way to spend a lazy Sunday - down the Pub.

Heading towards 1pm, it became apparent, that I was to blame for "breaking Philippa" lastnight for all the booze that she recieved. It was also my fault that she developed crazy red eye, and also my fault she hadnt packed her black and white top so she could support the toon. Anyhoo, after almost minutes of convincing her that the pub was the only answer, she gets showered and we ponder down to the Well, both a little hungry. We litterally got there when they opened the doors, however, food would take about 75 mins, so we pulled up the best seats in the house (covered in crumbs and lager from lastnight) and settled into the game. Initial thoughts were that we were playing well, too well in fact, in fact, reminds me of the Keegan era, where all the players pulled together and helped each other out. We had a strong defence, strong midfield, however lack of attack up front - i'm sure this will be resolved by the close of the transfer window.

One of the lasses behind the bar commented when I ordered the food at half time, that I'm such a lovely bloke when I'm sober, but become a bit of a piss taker when I've had a couple. She also suggested that I try using my baby blue eyes and blond hair innocent trick when I'm a little drunk - DAMN! FOUND OUT AT LAST!!!!!

Towards the end of the game, where we fell foul to bad refereeing decisions, I recieved a text from Rich (who was out with Blunty, at JT's son's christening) asking me if Philippa and I wanted to go for a couple of beers to say congrates to JT, and wish Blunty a Happy Birthday. I mentioned this to Philippa, who turned green slightly and said "Need Bed" - only fair to someone who is "Broken"

Old friends meet new friends

After cooking Steak, new roasted potatos and veg, and downing nearly a full bottle of wine each, we mulled over the hugh amount of options that we had. Blunty was having a birthday bash over in Kenilworth, we'd already been invited out to a few parties in Leam and based on the fact that I had already been drenched once today, Pip was getting knackered from her trip down and Leamington was closer, we had to sadly rearrange a beer session with Blunster.

I gave Rich a call to find out what he was up too, so we agreed we would have a quiet one and then have an early one .. depending on what was happening and who we saw in town. So, if by magic, we ended up in the Well, me drinking Carling, Pip and Rich drinking Stella. Now, Philippa (Peej) has already told me in the past that Stella makes her mental - so suggested this - and got one of her stares. In fact, I suggested it a number of times during the night, but just got "the" stare back - so thought to myself, you've done what you can to help a friend out. After at least 4 more stella's, Philippa was looking a little worse for wear, based on the fact, me and Rich were now on shorts - and already up to this point, Rich was stitching me up with one of my best and oldest friends with comments like "Yes, Steve likes girls with big breasts, what do you think to that Philippa". Of course, there was nowt I could do or say, as my perception was being moulded for me.

At the point where Peej had her head on the bar with her eyes closed, only to wake up, dance for 2 seconds and then return back to her bar-slumber, we thought it best to call it a night - and it was technically 1am. On the way back, Peej was threatening to hit Rich, so he done some fancy jig to get out of the way, only to walk into them metal knee high boxes on the shop walls, doing heft damanage.

Getting back was OK, getting Peej sorted and getting her off to sleep was another - after an argument of where who was sleeping who, waving her fists, I was told (by a mentalist drunk woman) I would have the bed, she would have the sofa. 20 mins later, I see a shadow in the dark, grumbling, so assume she's had enough and wants to share the bed. No no no no, this is Philippa sleep walking, walking into my computer desk, swearing under her sleepy breath and then heading to the toilet. I thought she had headed to the toilet to pray to the god of all toilet waters, so decided to give her a little time. After 20 mins, I decided to make sure she was OK, only to knock on the door, the door opening with Philippa asking what I wanted - to which she returned to bed.

Friends re-united!

Lastnight, I decided to be responsible - I stayed in and cleaned my place up, mop the floor, put the hover over and ensure the place looked spick and span for the visit of Lovely Philippa. We've been friends for yonks, and have alot of respect for her - but she did go on about how messy my place was the last time she came down - so I made a special effort.

Anyhooo, it got to around 8pm lastnight and Debbie MSN'd me, asking if I wanted to order anything from Dominoes Pizza, as they were about too - sounded like a plan, so agreed and asked for some potato wedges and a medium sized pepperoni pizza. 30 or so minutes later - covered in dust and sweat, the pizzas turned up - where Debbie announced that they had an offer on for 2p more than what I wanted, and this came with Garlic Pizza Bread, Potato Wedges, Pizza and Diet coke. I can put away pizza's and food - but I struggled - so sat down with a coke, then followed by a can of Stella and watched the final to Big Brother.

Anyhooo, going on a tangent slightly, Philippa turns up at the station at around 12:37 this afternoon, the rain chucks it down - just like the last time she came down, so announcing she was hungry, we dropped her bags off. Thinking she would be pretty impressed with the way my place had been cleaned up - she tutted in her usual way, moaned about how she would need to spend hours cleaning my place up and why cant boys clean. Really!!?!??? I was gobbed smacked - although I do believe she only does it to wind me up, she basically pulled apart the flat, then hrm'd and har'd a little more before stating she needed food before she ate her bag.

Worst news EVER!! We got to the Hogs Head (now the Old Butchers - but it just seems wrong) where the Everton - Man U game was on - a little busy but we still managed to get a seat. Keely was there, I'm assuming with her bloke while Jack and Stevie R were there watching the game seperately, so said a quick hello. Anyhow, the bad news - the Hogs Head, have stopped, selling, HOT BEEF SANDWICHES. After promising Pippa the best sandwich she would ever have - I was gutted, almost close to tears others would say.

So, walking around town in the pouring rain, Philippa would constantly remind me that I wasnt wearing a big coat, nor did I have an umbrella - and should buy a "packamac" or an umbrella. Instead, I bought a pair of puma trainers, a magazine and she bought some jeans from FatFace (surfing shop - not a shop for people with fat faces). We got some food to settle down and have a quiet night, sadly having to reject Captain Blunty's kind offer to go to Kenilworth for a boozy session.

Still in tears about the Hot Beef Sandwiches :o( Philippa is watching James Bond, while I slave over a hot stove.

Dalek from the Stella System

After lastnights socialable session, my head was slamming from early on this morning. So much so I must have woke up around 4am, still pretty drunk, not knowing where I really was. Made things a little difficult to navigate when I had both my eyes closed ( I assume ) and navigating from my bed, half way across the room, then getting lost in the midst of my sham. I decided at that point in my drunken haze, I might have a sleep in - after all, long weekend, why not start on the Friday. Of course, my alarm went off at 8:45, so I snoozed, eventually resetting it to 9:15 - and rolled over - then shot up in my bed - remembering I had arranged a 09:00 meeting to resolve some issues - the time was 09:10 already - so having to apologise when I get on the call, people ask how sorry I was. "So sorry, my head was hurting" was the only witty comment I could come up with.

Rich and Blunty agreed to meet in town to sort out JT's Kid's Christening Present (Teddy) - so I said I would put some money in - after all, JT is a very generous man, and has invited me out for plenty of customer nights out - even tho I dont support his customers, well really anyhow. So after shamming around in Satchwells for an hour with lunch and the likes - we discovered that we were talking about old computers - BBC Model B, RM Nimbus, C64 (Rich is the Daddy of retro consoles - apparently) - then Rich annouces that when he woke up this morning, his internet browser was pointed at ebay, and searching for retro consoles - god knows what he actually bought.

On the way into town, I thought I would pop by a shop that I found the other weekend - which sells retro toys. I had noticed a number of Dr Who products - the likes of mini sets, a talking K9 and Tom Baker - and the best thing in the world so far - a clockwork Dalek...

Exterminate! Escalate!!

Then came the most painful 45 mins of my life - choosing a card and a present for the Christening - I thought I was pretty nifty at buying cards - but, for some reason every card I picked up, appeared to be "Gay" or "Bent" so we ended up with something from the 1870s. We managed to get some gift vouchers from Early Learning Centre, to which the comedy threesome took the piss out of the assistant and the music playing in the background. When Bob the Builder came on - Rich announces to the already blushing assistant - "You want to put some ACDC on love" - just strange, dont know where his mind is sometime - well actually I do - and its not good.

Because we didnt have a pen to write the card, the ratecard terrorist called Blunty decided HSBC was the answer and we borrowed the pen that you use to fill out the paying ins etc - much to the delight of the bank employees and customers.

Sadly I cant make the event, as I have Philippa in tow - in a good way - and of course, its Newcastle's first game of the season, playing the Arsenal - with no strike force, gaps all of the team, I'm sure its going to be an eventful fun packed game.

Got to catch 'em all - I Booze you Pikachu!

A stressful week, is putting it mildly - so it was nice to get out with Capitanyos Rich and Chief Chirpa Blunty and have a sociable drink. We popped up to the Lounge at around 21:30, and had a couple of pints, then a wander down to the Well, where apart from the live band playing at a massive volume - so we quickly drank up and popped over to The Jug for a sociable quiet drink. Rich then announced that he was heading off for an early night, so myself and Blunty continued talking about random and indepth stuff. Everything from BBC Model B computers, feelings to lasses, Morgan Spiced Rum and god knows what else.

We bumped into an old fling of mine from about 2 or 3 years ago, with one of the lads from work - she looked pretty fit, but certainly wouldnt go there again and to be honest, I doubt if she would be interested again.

Pika Pika!

Anyhoo, after chucking out time, we used the magical key to the Well again, where it was a little more quieter, and a little cooler - so we sat there, sipping Morgan Spiced Rum, chin wagging and trying not to wind up Larry, but also trying to make her grin - never works - ever.

Nearly time for Philippa - should have really spent the night clearing up, rather than getting boozed up - whoops.

Planes Trains and Automobiles

Wednesday again, and yet again, after a crap day at work - I decided to change my habits. When I dont have access to John and Debbie's lovely Seat "Sophie" I tend to get the 66 Bus into the bottom end of Warwick and walk up. Its not that far, prob about 10 min walk - but the same week in, week out. So weighing up my options, I decided to either walk over (40 min walk) or get the train in from around the corner. After research, it only takes a 4 min train journey over into Warwick - so thought it was idea - with also the added bonus of - being on a train.

Expecting the price to be around the same as the 66 (around £1.70 single) - I was pleasantly suprised to find out that a one way ticket cost 80p - lovely. The only slight knock back was the train in front was late, so therefore the knock on effect happened - but no matter, 4 mins up the road, I was off and paying for the pitch. Although, I forgot my football boots, so thankfully, I borrowed Paul's spare pair of trainers.

After running around the hummid pitch for 90 mins, I felt something funny in my foot - when I got back, found a burst blister on my food - risking my thursday lunch time football tomorrow. Rather a poor excuse for a game for us, although I missed about 3 goals, scored one, set a couple up and accidentl scored an owngoal due to my velocity - roll on tomorrow.

The Canal ... Tonight

While trying to tidy my place up, ready for the visit of Pippa, I found my Sony Cybershot digital camera and decided to have a mess around with it - and show people from afar, where I live and what fantastic view I get on a daily basis (excluding when chavs throw eggs at my windows, drunk louts throw cans into the canal and chavs on monkeybikes drive up and down)

The Canal Humpyback Bridge.

The Grand Union Restaurant

Barges in the sunset.

Strange Mood, Bad Mood, Foul Mood

I woke up in a bit of a foul mood, I dont know why, maybe I knew it was going to be a crap day/week with work before I even logged in. Maybe it was because my laptop was so slow, I couldnt even login, before I knew the week was going to be crap. Maybe it was because I stupidly stayed up and watched the remaining episodes of Scrubs (we're talking about 2 hours here) and didnt get to sleep til around 1:45. Maybe it was because someone decided to text me at 00:59 to "talk" before she leaves to go back up north.

In reality it was probably all of them and the added bonus of another reorg at work, so if anyone *did* understand who was in charge - they certainly dont now, and if anyone did have any resource, it will be stretched even further than normal so everyone *will* have a headache by friday.

Sometimes I dont really know what I do wrong, after a couple of pep talks from Doctor Love, Rich, it appears I get attracted to the wrong type of women, and need to focus on the right ones. To be honest, getting one to stay interested for more than 2 weeks, without her mentalist ex would be a great start, but dont hold out - too - much hope for that. For example, you stay clear because its best for yourself and best for her, all that has been said, has been said - no more, nothing - so why bother ? My mother is a massive believer in fate, I think sometimes its true - mainly when I feel like it.

I guess seeing the ex on Wednesday night helped sooth some of the stress I was going thru, just seeing her and seeing her safe and "well" was a massive relief. Knowing that she's got to go thru alot of crap when many of the industices in life carry on regardless screws my head up. I took her around my Magic Numbers CD for her to listen too when she was trying to chill and going down to cornwall and then she tried talking me into going to Yoga and Sports Therapy for breathing correctly. Guess she still has that dark sense of humour, knowing I wont do it, but she'll nag anyhow. I'm not a control freak in any terms, but like to understand and be in control of situations, and it just worries me that I cant do anything, other than be there for her if she needs anything, it also worries me that she might not want me to be there to help, even if I could or be supportive.

All scary, at the end of the day - sorry for the rant!

Millenium-ummy - MMM

John and Debbie wanted to have a welcome home meal, so how else can you celebrate the day of rest, and your first couple of hours back, than down the Curry House. We met Tomsk and Abbi down the Jug, had a pint then went to Millenium for a spot of food and some beverages. I of course, decided to drink health drinks *.

After some banter, tales from afar and more health drinks * - John, Debbie and I decided to have a couple more pints, while Tom and Abbi left to tend to their rather large puppy before it ate their house and street.

All in all, I've come to the conclusion, John and Debbie visited;

• A rather large waterfall that borders America and Canada - which I'd never heard of
• A mount with faces of famous presidents
• Lots of petrol stations to find the craziest fizzy drink product

After much fun and laughter (mainly at my expence) we returned to the Canal House Residence, parted our ways and retired to chill. A very nice night out, very relaxing and and lush company on a lovely Sunday Night

TAXI!!!

After the lastnight's "couple of beers" I felt completely rank this morning at 10am when the alarm went off. Part of me wanted to fall asleep for 2 hours, part of me wanted to be sick alot just to get rid of the pain I was suffering with. Then I remembered, 5 glasses of wine and 2 x MSRs on an empty stpmach is never a good thing - ever. After a shower and some water, I felt a little better, not very much tho, so set off on the trip down to Heathrow. I popped into sainsbury's petrol station to ensure that I had enough petrol and then hand it back over to John and Debbie, but after 5 mins faffing around with the car nozzle I was getting paranoid that people were laughing, worst of all, my character assisin was working there and having more of a laugh than anyone.

After filling Sophie up (my pet name the the Seat Ibizia) I hit the M40 - constantly looking at the time. I'd checked the T'internet before I left to see what time their plane landed and it was around 11:35 - so needed to get a move on, slightly tonking it down the motorway. Luckily getting there as their status on the CRT monitors changed to "Baggage Collection". Both John and Debbie and a fragrent smell about them, and both looks a little bright and breezy (damn them) - so we got them back in the car and I drove back towards home, stopping off at Maccy D's for a burger (Debbie's request - honest) and then give them a hand to get their baggage into their gaff.

In return, I recieved a lovely 1 litre bottle of Original Morgan Spiced Rum, some Coke Zero (scared me) and then 3 Dr Who books that they found in "the biggest book shop in the northern hemasphere and that is populated with 20% badgers, and also sells used books" or something - so that was an added bonus. Kinda puts my present to them of Vodka Raspberry Twist and Feta Cheese to shame - but hey, all goes the same way, well apart from the books, obviously.

BYE THEN ... VICKY!

I popped into the office yesterday, partly to do some techie work in the machine room, and mainly to wave the lovely Donny Bird that is called Victoria. Plan was to hit the Cape Room around midday, have some food a couple of pints and present her with a gift, then bugger off home. Basically, thats what really happened, after a couple of diet cokes and my bacon sandwich - and lots of banter, one of the questions was "What is your best memory of this year, Vicky?"

Of course, being a typical Donny bird, 9 out of the 10 memories involved her being completely squiffy down the boozer and being labelled "chinese girl", for having the ability to down about 6 full plates of chinese buffet AND still being so slim. She was presented with a pink mini ipod, we clapped, the end. Bye Vicky, you're a lovely lass and will be missed - make sure you get your ass over here come out on the booze with us!

We asked her to come over to Leam, but sadly she had some plans, so arranged to meet up with Captain Rich and Admiral Blunty (he doesnt like being called Cabin Boy - dont know why?!) later on in town. I left Rich in the boozer and walked back with Blunty suggesting that if Rich wanted a lift, I would be leaving pretty shortly after I've done some work. After walking out the door at 3pm - I felt the stress and frustration just float away ... nice feeling to have once in a while.

Met Rich and strolled down to the Well, which was pretty quiet, but nice quiet, had a couple of beers, chatted with the bar staff then recieved a text from Blunty saying he was on his way, with Tobes, and Jamie. The three of them turned up looking alittle mortal, which we laughed and continued to drink - nice chilled night, not a heavy session at all, so I was back for midnight and caught up with some sleep.

This morning :- Banging headache! Also a Scooby Doo nutella empty glass which I use for shots and spirits, smells of strong MSR - that'll be why.

The girl is back in town! well, nearly

Do you fear the reaper ? if you do, then I would stay very very clear of Leamington Spa, next weekend and Monday and Tuesday. One of my dear old friends from "T'up North" is coming down to visit, and due to alcohol, shop-rage and hormones, she often gets into bad moods and "fleps" at people. Dear tho she is, even I am scared of her - but I hope to offer her enough chocolate to calm her down, and then let her loose in the Bull Ring on our annual shopathon.

The Bag Lady Of Leamington : Pippa

Of course, that really isnt Pippa in the photo, she is sweet, and very attractive, but we'll keep that away from her while she's down, coz I do fear for my unmentionables. So far she has a plan of what she would like to do :-

• Drink Booze
• Have a BBQ
• See the Swans
• Clean My Kitchen (yeah, I know)
• Watch Arsenal -v- Newcastle
• Buy me loads of Ted Baker clothing (I made that up)
• Go to Fatface
• Abuse Rich (not really, I dont think)
• Abuse alot of people who have crossed me since the last time she was down.

So far, we've had invites to about 3 birthday nights out, BBQs and Christenings etc - One weekend of fun packed enjoyment - and with the added bonus of 2 days off from work.

Don't know a good thing when you've got it!

If you read the sports pages in the papers, some things you tend to take for granted as a tabloid story which has been made up for a laugh, some you worry that could impact your club, then others that appear to spiral into effect that could and will become true. I'm starting to get worried about the Jermaine Jenas (JJ) is about to walk out on Newcastle United. Claims that he's living in a goldfish bowl (something I can relate too - but wish I was getting paid 40K+ a week for it) and trying to plug himself a move out of Tyneside down south, or to Man U.

JJ - Holding his breath in the goldfish bowl - yesterday.

There are supposed to be 4 clubs interested in him ... Middlesboro - why ? Spurs - er WHY ? talk about a backwards step, Man U and Arsenal - as per the norm and you have to expect a player of JJs ability to have a head turn when these clubs are interested. What I cant understand is why do this to a club a week before the premiership is about to start. Its not like we have enough problems to look at, Souness for one, without someone trying to engineer a way out - esp when he is a player that the team is being built around. Lets just hope the club stick out and talk him into staying, and lets face it, if he is in a goldfish bowl, he'll forget within 3 seconds that he wants to leave.

Maybe not the balls, but certainly the guts

I arranged to play football at lunch time, the 2nd time in 36 hours - and its a different pace of game - or so it was last time I played Thursday Lunchtime. For most IBMers, lunch is either canteen, the pub (The Cape) or in most cases in this day and age, working - so its a nice welcoming break to get out and get some fresh air, and technicaly weeze alot. The last time, it was a good mixture of oldish and youngish people, fast and slow, good and bad - so you knew roughly who you could take on. Today was slightly different - there were alot of young lads, lads who turn up to Wednesday nights for my game, so you know they are well good. Someone decided to split people up as Students -vs- The Rest, aka, the young kids who have skill, and the croanies who dont have skill and pace. After about 10 mins, it because apparent that the students either a) couldnt be arsed or b) werent actually that good together and c) we gel'd well together.

Needless to say, I was running down the left wing, while one of the lads was running down the right, completely unselfishly, passed the ball across the park, but with a little height - bounched off my stomach, into the back of the net. I couldnt stop laughing, well apart from the fact I was winded for 2 mins, but we continued from then on - going up to 4-0 - when they scored, and everyone assumed it was gonna be the calm before the storm, however we continued to score - taking us up to 8-1 when the students couldnt walk any longer. I managed to get two, setting up a number and unlucky to get my hatrick.

Got back home - found a postcard in the post from John and Debbie on their jollydays - with a rather interesting bit of masking tape on the front with pen marks - interested into finding what thats all about - but looks a little like this :-

Some things in life are free....

... Well you would think .... wouldnt you ? Certainly wasnt a free afternoon, it certainly wasnt a free shot on target, it certainly wasnt trying to help the ex out in a traumatic spot that shes in - and it certainly wasnt that bottle of wine I drank while I watched NUFC being pulled apart in the Intertoto Cup. Honestly - the facts are ;

1. You cant sell / loan loads of players out of the club, and not buy the same amount, if not a) better, b) the same level of ability - and expect to get somewhere. Yes we've got Parker and Emre - but lost Bellamy, Robert and 2/3 GOOD defenders
2. You cannot do business on probably the biggest day of the season so far (yes, match day 4) - couldnt you wait til the weekend to do the loan deal with Butt ???
3. The way we are - and solid fact - we woll not progress in the table - and the board and manager has to accept that
4. You dont pull apart a team and expect results (i could be proved wrong here - with a bit of luck) - you replace people and gently introduce them to the fold. You cant expect Parker and Emre - to replace Bellamy/Butt/Robert in one day - but you cant expect them to perform miracles!

So after a 2nd half of misery! and having to pay for a bottle of wine at the correct - I decided I needed some food. I previously played football and went around the ex to ensure she was ok - or if I could do anything to help (something of which has left me eating away for 2 weeks - and now a little relief off my shoulders) - in between being *shoved* off the ball and landing on the base of my spine and knacking my arm up with astro-turf burns.

Anyhoo, what did I get free? Garlic Naan Bread - Buy one, get one free! fantastic - no the size of Canada! MM - Canada!

3 : The Magic Number

When I had a wander around town the other day, I made a number of purchases to entertain my wandering mind. Sir Bobby Robson's new autobiography (Farewell but not Goodbye) had just been released so was intent on getting that being a hero of mine - needless to say, thats on my list to read next after I've finished the current book.

I also purchased a couple of CDs - Kaiser Chiefs, to which I've downloaded a coouple of EP tracks from iTunes in the past, but never got the full album - this is a fantastic album and would recommend it to anyone - always good where ever you are - esp with and iPOD. I had a wander into WH Smiths in town, and spoke to Elliot (not from ET - "ELLLLIOT") who I know from the Well (I'm assuming - but once give me discount when I went in hungover) who recommended The Magic Numbers. It appears to have influences from The Sundays, The Beautiful South and also a little of The Thrills - but very good easy listening music.

Then I came into contact with the Budda of all TV Comedy DVD boxsets - Scrubs - Series 1 - MMMM. One of the funniest american comedies I have ever seen, with quotes such as :-

"If they took all the porn off the internet
there would only be one site left, and that would be called Bring Back The
Porn."

"The fact is that you are what you eat, and
you clearly went out and devoured a big fat man."

"Uhm, I'm sorry. Here I was in my own little
world, talking to myself, dreaming about candy bracelets."

"And you, you one-man freakshow, take your
blah-blah to the blah-blah-psychologist, because if you are so stupid to
confront the chief of medicine over some quasi-offensive endearment, then you've
just gotta go ahead and change the captain of your brainship, because he's drunk
at the wheel. "

Exclusive :: Doctors Opinion

I had the blood tests for Zinc, Iron, Bone, Vit D, Blood Count and numerous other tests last Tuesday, and today I had to go pick the results up. To be brutely honest, I've been bricking my pants for the last week, and regardless of the outcome of today, it would be better than not knowing. So, you can imagine my face when I get to the quacks and its closed for lunch - meaning I had to dillydally around town for 45 mins - and there is only so much dillydallying around you can do when you dont want to spend any money.

So, upon returning to the quacks, I spoke to the receptionist, who took my details, plonked her glasses on the end of her nose and typed away with her index finger. Looking up at me, down to her PC, then back at me announcing that I was "Normal". Of course I couldnt stop laughing, and telling her that she was the first person for about 3 decades to say I was Normal. We had some crack (not the drugs, obviously, that would be just wrong) and she read out the results:

• Zinc : Normal
• Liver : Normal (Oh how I laughed)
• Kidney : Normal
• Blood Count : Normal
• Vit D : Normal

So to conclude ... Normal ... but still a little worrying - something a little healthy eating wont resolve, I'm sure.

Drunk and in charge of ... The Internet ?

When I got back in, I recall chatting to my music mogal chum, Any - formally of Collapsed Lung and now of Junior Blanks. I was a little wasted, but we had a random convo - to which i suggested he and his Blank Chums come do a gig at the Well (yes, must have been really wasted) - and he said he would have a think. He give me a url to take a look at, which resulted in me seeing his baldy football heed, and turns out its his online photo album. He logged out and left me to the dregs of my Stella can, then I assumed, crawled to bed - however, waking up in the morning, I'd registered to the same site as Ant and started to upload some of my photos - cool eh ?

Anyhoooooo, here we go ... http://www.flickr.com/photos/docwharton/

Sometimes I scare myself!

You Better Smile!!!!

Lastnight, Captain Rich asked if I fancied a couple of late night beers - and who am I to turn down such an offer - so armed with money, shoes and our drinking pack - we hit the Well. It was a bit of a strange night - hot but cold, dry but wet and drunken although a sobering experience. Johno and Blunty were invited as per the norm, however Johno was at the flicks (with his lass - we assume) and Blunty didnt respond - probably due to the fact his battery ran out after being powered on - so we drank like merry souls that we are. Scary Connor turned up with one of the lads who was on my Go Karting team - so we talked football for a while - well technically, I slagged of Man Utd and the state (no pun intended) of Sir Alex and his All Stars.

A little later, cockney comments such as "Both he and his carving knife were shocked when one of their sausepan lids ran away from home" and "He was getting on her West Hams, she gave him the Samuel Pepys. It was clearly the White Cliffs behind them". Anyhoo, after managing to work out it was Jo behind the bar inviting us to a birthday party downstairs in the Well in a couple of weeks time, we managed to get a couple free beers out of them, we nodded and agreed to put it in our Davy Crockett (Pocket) as a reminder.

I can only describe the next episode as drunken, strange and part of the tales of the unexpected - one regular patron came up to me and said "Steve, I think you're a funny lad and I respect you, but sometimes I dont think you like me, maybe even think of me as a bit of a c*nt" After trying to keep a grin off my face without laughing in his face, I told him I thought he was a "c*nt" - but I also thought alot of people were, so for him not to worry about it.

Moments later, one of his partners in crime came over and started having a go at me, saying how I should "be happy", "shouldnt bitch about people" and "how he didnt respect me". After a couple of moments of silence while blood was boiling to my brain, I kindly suggested that he didnt blame his mum, dad and family for his misgivings, how I was happy on the inside, and it was only because he was there, that my exteria wasnt beaming and also, the fact that I had a proper job, earned good money and had friends and family to make me happy. He was like a rabbit in headlights, when he tried to drag Rich into the conversation, of which Rich, managed to successfully put the lid on his box and shutting him up for good. He then walked away stuttering and stammering claiming how we were "good friends" at one point.

Anyhooooo, using our Well secret and magical key, we ended up staying for a couple of swifties, before we could barely stand, bumping into scary connor (tm) outside and taking the piss. We managed to get to Sommerfield, where we saw a miserable looking figure stammering up the hill, turns out its Character Assasin #2 - to which, both me and Rich shouts "You want to be happy, cheer up you morky chuff". You see, i might not look happy all the time, but my merry little brain world is constantly ticking making me grin inside - sometimes too much (Emily knows random stuff that makes me laugh - beep beep beep).

Sex, Drugs & Sock and Roll

Well not so much of the Sex, Drugs and the Roll ... but... after a very stressful and destressing week, due to work, and personal issues - which I wont go into, what better way to chill, than sorting out clothes. It's commonly known that I have 100s of pairs of socks, thus, I can go months without needing to wash or sort out socks. However with my new plan of healthy living and cleaning up - I decided to attack this pile of socks and other items of clothing. 30 mins later, I was still sorting socks out, and getting extremely bored - and yet, still not making a dint into the sock pile.

Anyhoo, after completing the tidy up, I return to my fantastic brand new PC to complete the migration of my old music and photos over to the new hard drive. Basically, the new PC came with 80Gb SATA disk - which means you cant directly plug an IDE drive in the chain, so cunning Steve unplugged one of the DVD drives (1 of 2) and plugged that into the chain. However (and not wanting to be nerdy) the folders were locked down to my old PC user and computer ID - so had to faff around with some Windows XP management, changing file permissions and taking ownership of folders and drives. Eventually I managed to suck all my music across, repopulate my iPod rather than having to reImport all my CDs to iTunes.

Its not the winning, its the taking Kart! (Damn you Winners!)

Northern Vicky is due to leave us (from work - not from the planet, although sometimes we do wonder) so rather than having a stereotypical IBM leaving do, she arranged a gokarting night out. I've never done this, however, I was still able to drive, unlike Rich, who was the source of most of the jokes for the night (he doesnt have a licence, car or the ability to drive), but I was quite looking forward to it. Vicky had originally divided the teams up into groups of mates, I was originally with Rich, Johno (had a glint of insanity in his eyes lastnight), his lass, and someone else who I dont think anyone can rememeber. Wynne managed to get hold of the plans, and, in my opinion, designed a winning formulea claiming to be "splitting the girls and the fat blokes around the teams". Thankfully for me, there was a slightly larger bloke in our new team - Wahoo - I'm not an IBM Fatty!!

Anyhooo, after some rather disturbing and depressing news (good luck Sarah) about 20 mins before we got there, I was determined to have a great time, get us a trophy, and hit the pub as quickly as possible. One of the disadvantages of doing a night like this, then hitting the pub, is lack of food, which results in people getting very drunk, very quickly - but luckily no one was drinking at the track (that we're aware of).

We were given our protective outfits, Rich and I looked like painting decorators - while Fursal looked like a Teletubbie, and then given an introduction and education video - giving pointers such as :-

• That hot engine behind you - dont put your hands on it
• Don't get out the kart while the race is going on unless you're in the pits
• Don't press the break and the accelerator peddles at the same time
• Zulu's, 100s and 1000s of em & Don't shoot to you see the whites of their eyes
• 1st rule of Kart Club, you dont talk about Kart Club

After ignoring all the instructions due to laughter, we headed out for our 15 mins practice run, where we lost one of our team members. I decided to put some IBM management around the team, made sure that we all understood the rules of the team, tactics, who was doing what, and ensuring we had someone flagging for a pitt stop. After 5 mins of looking for the missing guy, turns out he's having a nice little spin on the track - while we're still trying to work out simple stuff. Anytime someone crashed into the barrier, they halt the race by showing red lights all over the gaff, which confused a few people, but also puts other people at an advantage if they are about to over take you, and someone else around the course has a crash.

Anyhoo, after faffing around, remembering the rules and regulations, we're 4th to start, quickling hitting 2nd spot, then disaster, one of our guys get told to return to the pits - for having his helmet not completely closed (the video told us not too). I raced to the car, getting checked over by the lovely northern vicky, then get into the Kart, only to be told to return to the pits for my helmet not being done up. In this siutation, whenever you get told to return to the pits, you get 3 laps deducted - so of course, we're being lapped while we're in the pits faffing around - plus these random ones they are taking off. At this point we're something like 9 laps down, and no real way of getting back into the race. We started to catch up, then again, my turn - and I made sure that my helmet was tied up - only to be told to return to the pits for the same reason. The bloke checked it, apologised and said he'd give me a lap back - er thanks - wasting my time, and my teams time!!!

Anyhow, insert loads of time, Rich feeling sick after flying around corners at high G-Forces (not the Battle of the Planets here boss), Vicky deciding she can get around tight corners without breaking EVER, and JT & Wynne's tactics paying off and winning by about 10 laps - we came last, by a long way.

Vicky, still trying to take tight corners without breaking, and VK Blue in hand. [ source : Rich Headworth. ]

We returned to Leamington, and hit the Jug and Jester - after the bad news, I decided to get drunk quickly, so picked up a bottle of white wine to myself and started to sink that. People started to regroup in the beer garden, and loads of female IT students looked pretty nice (not due to the wine) and we had a good old chinwag. The students went to Sugar, the older more responsible people went to TJs - I went home to slip into my wine based coma.

The final placings were:

1st - JT, Wynne, Emily, Keely, Blunty

2nd - Fursal, Jermaine, Tobes, Rich, Louise

3rd - Dave, John'O, Alys, Shaun, Sophie

4th - Edith, Baxter, JP, Mike, Rich

5th - Vicky, Wayne, Steve, Will, Neil

Good Lucky Vicky, You're humour and personality will be missed, along with your crisp sandwiches.

First rule to Medicine club, you don't talk about Medicine Club

You may or may not know, but I'm a Doctor Who fan .. and I'm not afraid to mention it. After searching this here super inter connected webby highway, I found some photos of the new Doctor, David Tennant, and the ever so lovely Billie Piper. Appears they've moved from the "I'm the Doctor, a little on edge and could flip at anytime - oh and look at my leather jacket, isnt it nice" look to Geek Chic.

I'd like to get into Billie's Box! - fnar

Don't know if its on purpose, but it appears this is more mysterious and a little darker - 'Rose' appears not to be wearing the bright colours of the last series. I really do want a TARDIS for my patio tho!

1st Rule of Share Club, You dont talk about Share Club

A couple of years ago, I invested in Newcastle United PLC shares by bunging in 400 quid or something, each share was around 21p. Oh how my mother laughed at me, she made sure that she put her point forward that I would never make any money, and it was a stupid thing to do, and if I wanted a some shares - I should have just got a couple as a fan. However, I very rarely listened to my mother, so armed with my filofax and 80s style cell phone and purchased them.

I've been recieving healthy divi returns ever since, anything from 20 quid to 35 quid every half year - not bad really - pays for a pizza and a couple of drinks - who can complain?

Anyhoo, turns out there is "talk" about some invester coming in and buying the club, bumping up the share price in turn. I know we're not talking Wall Street here, but this is nearly 3 times what I paid for them - and the highest price for about 5 years.

WHO IS LAUGHING NOW MOTHER?!? Technically her, probably

Newcastle Shares as of COB today - looks more like the skyline of NY City

I dont know what does happen if there is a buyout, if the price of shares drop if they payout to take it back into a private company, rather than a public limited company - maybe I need to get some money matters advice from someone, probably Rich over a pint.

Grand Theft Auto : Leamington Spa

After attempting to get an early night - you know - start the week off as you mean to go on - I was awoken by a massive smashing noise, followed by the noise of an alarm going off. I could only assume that someone was trying to ramraid the computer shop over the bridge, but about 30 seconds later, screaching of tyres and another massive bang. I decided to bung some shorts, tshirt and trainers on to have a scan - just incase someone was hurt, so wandered up to street level at Ranalegh Terrace - where next door was hanging out the window on the phone to the police and I was met in the pouring rain by my two neighbours (Kerry and the lovely Jo).

Appears some boozed up idiot had decided to drive home, coming around the corner at high speed, must have hit too much rain water, smashed into some punto, which crashed into the 4x4 in front of it (smash #1). In an attempt to cover up, the boozed up fool must have tried to get away, only to wheel spin, hitting a 2nd 4x4 diagonally opposite just outside my place (missing Jo's car - and luckily for me, John and Debbie's too). Not content with smashing into these automobiles, he must have tried to get away for a 2nd time, smashing right into the body of another car, where the wheels and suspension on his must have just given up. When I got out and had a look, there was some bloke (owner of the 4x4 possibly) was dragging the bloke out of the car as he was trying to escape again, although, this time by foot - litterally - as he wobbled around in circles.

5 minutes later - there were police swarming all over the gaff. Here was us, me in shorts and tshirt in the pouring rain, Jo in her PJs with no shoes on, and Kerry concerned about her car inches away from where they were. I went to get umbrellas and a pair of shoes for Jo to stand in rather than her catching death of cold (Jeez, I am getting old, I'm using phrases like that now) - We watched 3 chavs walk around the corner, being twats as BAU, not working out the police were around, shouting louder and louder - then walking around the drunk's car trying to work out what happened, screaming, "Has there been a crash?". Probably more suprised that they couldnt actually steal the car, they wandered off headbutting random objects and trying to flirt with their chips.

After working out that Kerry's car was actually OK, and we were so drenched it was silly, we decided to go our seperate ways (damn it) - I was returned my trainers, and umbrellas - had a quick dry off before slipping back into bed - this time I wasnt so hot, strangely enough!

some blog shit

its nearly 2am - im pretty drunk and looked at my visit stats

some dude - sure he's a nice lad and/or lass - but cant understand a word he's and/or she's on about visited my blog - so thought i would do the fav of linking back to their blog :-

http://takezero.blogspot.com/

Thanks

PS - now just ate my chicken pakora - it was nice - are you

Hole in John!

I havent been to pitch and putt for years, so I suggested it to Captain Rich and Mad Irish Johno, so after getting out of bed pretty late, I arranged for us all to meet up at Newbold Common for a knock around and some banter. After Rich admitted that he'd never played golf - and accurately said "I've never hit a club before" and me correcting him by telling him that he needed to hit the ball, rather than the club - or he would be around for a long time. We got up just after 13:15 and it did look like it was going to piss down, but thought it would be an end of week stress relief. You could see in Rich's eye he didnt fancy this at all, mainly due to being out of his comfort zone and I also got the feeling he likes to be in control of things - like I do. You cant control golf balls, its basically hit and hope - where with PCs, Photography - and to a certain extent, drinking vast amounts of beer - it does what it says on the tin.

Fore!!!!

After showing Rich the basics :- Tee, Ball, Club, hole with flag, point, swing hit, stay away from bushes - we were underway big style. Johno plays some golf, so obviously bleezed ahead in the steaks, I've played before, but tend to be better mid hole - ie, not the teeing off, or putting - aka, hitting and hoping and being jammy. Rich picked this up pretty quickly and started hitting good balls, mean while, I was in the "rough" trying to find my ball - and Johno was still leading the way, and me and Rich neck and neck. Rich gets alittle bit cocky, and rightly so, he was playing well for his first attempt. This little lad starts waving his club at rich, and mumbled something, to which, Rich replys, "Shut up you little fucker" - while waving his clubs to him from afar - this is where I believe Rich is the devil's son, and the kid starts crying - after being stung by a wasp - coincidence or Rich's evil wrath ? you decide!

After about hole 5, Rich notices the clubhouse and the fact that there might be beer in there - and all of a sudden his game picks up, not before I accidently hit the ball towards Rich and him having to, and wait for it, RUN! All I got back in reply was, "Howay man, I havent ran for 30 years, do you think I should start now?!?"

We ended up the 9 holes with Rich taking the scores - and photos, sadly - which will be available on display shortly, with Johno winning clearly on 39 points, me getting 54 points and beating Rich very very narrowly by 1 point and him coming in on 55. I'm sure Rich has other tales to tell, so when he's blogged it, I'll link it in. All in all, a relaxing afternoon, doing something different and destressing in the summersun - and LOOSING!!!!

Noo Music Scene :: Leamington Spa 1923

After an indifferent week at work, I met captain Rich and Johno down the Pig and fiddle at lunch time - mainly to fill them in with what happened at the quacks earlier today, while they ignored me and watched the cricket. I had to get back pretty early as I had one of my guys going on holiday tonight, and didnt want to leae him in the lurch when I needed to help him. We parted our different ways, gave rich back his WD40 which i had borrowed for 14 months and arranged to meet in the Well later on that day for some festive friday beverages.

They wont get their hands on my lucky charms! *

I got a call about 8pm from Rich saying he was having a wander down, so I set off, and bumped into Johno who said he was going to the Pig and Fiddle for a swift one and we would see each other later on. I half expecting to see Blunty propping up the Wells beer garden table up and Rich just looking unamused about random things - mainly the injustice for the women with idiots. Of course, I get there and Rich is propping up the bar with a bottle of stella and we retire to the beer garden, awaiting our beverage buddies....Turns out Blunty was up town, in Mumbai Bluu, buying beverages and placing his car down as payment, and Johno was staying in the Pig listening to live Irish music - fair enough, each to their own you think - so myself and Rich - and now accompanied by Steve ( from stupid, stupid, stupid and steve ) sat down and put the world to rights - including what we done for a living (Rich, you don't earn 45K), the state of London and musical tastes, then we got kicked inside at 11pm for the beer garden closing.

At this point, anyone in the area who was over the age of 45 walked in, looking shifty and scary - appears there was some Euro Dance Hip Hop Wigga Wigga Woo Trace Night on downstairs - and for some reason it pulls in middle age men having a midlife crisis. After 4 glasses of MSR with DC, I was starting to get miffed (and pretty young looking at this stage) so we called it a day - back before midnight - I am getting responsible!! yay!

Fast Response Units

After the fantastic speedy review from the docs today, I was more than suprised to receive a call from Dell asking me when they could deliver my brand spanking new PC. I thought it might have been next saturday as per their realtime system, but was very suprised to find out its going to be delivered earlier in the week - wahoo, toy time.

Want to play tic-tac-toe?

Hopefully this time next week I'll have my iPOD synced up with new music I've bought over the last couple of months, and be able to write DVDs - yay - as well as having fast access to the super-t'internet-highway-ecommerce-atmlink

Doctor Doctor, Can't you see I'm burning burning!

I've not been feeling to great over the last 2 or 3 months - the details I'll not go into, but after putting of going to the doctors from last week (being messed around with someone I was interviewing) I eventually turned up at Park Street Doctors. After the lovely old dear behind the counter slammed her fingers on the computer keyboard, tutting, kissing and looking at me, the clock, the PC, the clock, then me again, she pointed to the waiting room. I assumed that I had turned up and just narrowly missed open surgery, however, she then calmly said that there was no one else in the waiting room, and the doctors had seen everyone else - so would only need to wait 2 mins.

Oh Matron!!!

Impressed I've been in the past - and blaming Thatchers destruction of the NHS is another one of my soap box discussions, however, getting seen by a doctor in 2 mins is about as good as it gets really. After the "how much do you drink?", "whats your diet like?" and "how much exercise do you do?" - he revisited the "how much do you drink?" question after my first reply was "probably too much".

I spoke to my mother a couple of weeks ago about the situation and she suggested (and scared the living day lights out of me) that it might be an ulcer - thankfully its not - so the nice doctor sent me on my way with a slip, to see the nice old dear on reception again. This time, they had mulitplied into 3 old dears, one fanning her face with some paper saying "i get hot flushes dear, dont worry" and "I'm 21" and winking at me - not good for the imagination really.

Anyhoooo, I'm booked in for a blood test for god knows what on Tuesday afternoon.

Unpacked .... eventually

I may have moved in on St Georges day last year, but its only taken up til now to be proactive and unpack some of the "gear" I've had stacked away in my dressing room. Yes, I have a dressing room, and its not a queer as it sounds, its just a little room thats attached to my bedroom thats used for storing clothes - and obviously for the last 12 months and a bit, my "gear". This gear was stored in 3 sports bags, 1 ruck sack and 3 storage boxes and consisted of computer equipment that I may need in the future (Warning, only if the year is 1992 and I need a 9600 modem and a serial cable to connect to my mainframe).

Anyhoo, after being rather ruthless (poor ruth) with what I was keeping, I managed to get this down to two storage boxes and 2 black bags of rubbish. On top of my proactive work tonight, I've managed to screw the three doors to my wardrobe which have been hanging around in my passage way for 12 months.

This combined with hanging up photo frames that have been on the floor in a corner for 12 months, some photos I've had for 3 years and polyfilling some cracks - I've had an interesting week staying away from the Booze.

Now I just need to work thru the stuff I have in my living room and minimise all of that and make space for my ever increasing DVD collection.

He's Football Crazy, Football Mad

Believe it or not .. this week has been pretty dull, mainly due to the fact I havent been down the boozer, getting into scrapes and "amuzing situations" when i'm out of my skull. Also, believe it or not, I havent had a drink since Saturday night - which is some kind of minor (read major) miracle.

Instead, I popped down to the gym on Monday, managed a mile of run/jog/run/jog in 10 mins - not bad going really. On top of that, I played 90 mins of football lastnight, scoring once (nice little nutmeg between the keepers legs - sweet) followed by 60 mins of football at lunchtime today - scoring 2, setting up about 3.

Obviously now, I'm hoping that my legs will grow back, after they've falled off today - couple of tablets and a pint of milk - we're sorted. All in all, an exercise-crazy week - now, wheres my can of stella gone ...?

Cold Winter in Dell!

My fantastic and nippy micro system blew up about 3 months ago - meaning I'm doing all my correspondence on my laptop - which isnt great - esp when i've lot the ability of uploading songs to my iPOD and potentially access to my digital photos I've collected over the years. I've been plotting on buying a new motherboard for a while, to replace the zapped and fried one, but fancied upgrading to a PC thats growable - rather than the one PCI slot that this micro system had.

Now Rich got a Dell PC a while back and he's never reported any faults with it, however coming back to me saying its like shit on a stick fast - so I thought I would look up the website - see what they could do with it. Luckily they've got a promotion on (free delivery, 57 quid off for so much spent, a further 57 quid if you go over a certain second price) - so after adding bits to it (DVD RW drive, WinXP Prof, Graphics Card & 1Gb mem) I managed to get a decent price. Now that I've bunged it on my card - I want to play, sadly, wont be here for another 10 days :o(

I didnt go for the 17" TFT monitor - maybe in a couple of months - but it does come with a spanking brandnew black monitor - mmm black monitors!

The year is 1975 :: Lets, EXTERMINATE!!!!!!

Before John and Debbie left for their holiday, John returned a number of objects that belonged to me - including coldplay's new album, a couple of PS2 games and some other stuff I cant recall right now. In his other hand, he had a black CD wallet and a big grin on his face. As he opened it up, it became clear that he had a number of DVDs - some of which were backup of his music, some horror flicks that he'd downloaded, but a dual pack of DVDs that he said I would be interested in.

These were a 6 parter to Dr Who (Tom Baker) and the Genesis of the Daleks - I watched 3 episodes lastnight and the remaining 3 tonight - fantastic story line, fantastic visual effects and acting - baring in mind this was 1975 and special effects were hardly a known back then. Basically the story line is that an "unknown" time lord, has asked the Dr to destroy the existance of the Daleks and removing them from history & future. The 6 episodes explained how they first became invented and by whom (Davros) - also included the reasoning behind the invention and why the Daleks killed Davros - only to be locked in a bunker for thousands of years. The usual dilema that we've seen the recent doctor faced with - does he have the right to destroy and kill species - so there is still the same moral story line over the years. Certainly worth watching and now I'm trying to get hold of Invasion of Earth etc.

BBQ Saturday

With the nice weather kicking around, thought it would be a good way to get friends around for our first full weekend together, with vacations and people being away etc - so invited the lovely nomes, mr palin, john-o, his bird, blunty and captain headworth, and a couple of the new/old students. Blunty shyed off, due to be nearly on his death bed from the night before, the students had a birthday to attend, so it was left with, once again, the usual suspects.

BBQ got going nicely, i made my special spuds, Rich kindly brought some crisps that I forgot to pick up and we had a sociable drink. We chatted, nattered, set tea lighters off down the canal, which then sank sadly (need to plan here) and continued to drink, and listened to music and stared into the night. Rich and I took some photos, so be interesting to see how they went.

We went inside, continued to chat and listen to music, then Rich,Nomes and Andy left, leaving me, Johno and his lass too talk for 20 or so minutes, then they left. Once again Nomes done a fantastic job of clearing up, without anyone noticing - so thanks Nomes.

Ikea :- Bad for your wallet

I've been after some kitchen curtains for ages, I've also been after some nice ikea towels to match my bath "sheet" and 2 x magazine racks to make my lovely flat look tidy. I popped up to the Brum store with Captain Shabby Cowie, sadly, only came back with one set of items, the towels, yet still managing to spend 128 quid, plus a further 10 quid at the swedish store. The breakdown is as follows;

• The towels I was after
• 4 x wine glasses
• Veg Drainer
• 6 x colourful vases for my small kitchen window
• 2 x glass vases with
• 2 x bags of sand (1 x silver, 1 x blue)
• 3 x picture stands
• 1 x set of prints
• 2 x 8 clothes hangers
• 4 x storage jars for the kitchen
• 2 x storage boxes
• 4 x scented candles
• 1 x light for the bedroom minus bulb
• 3 x funny shape icecube holder thingys
• 1 x ikea plant

At the swedish shop I got;

• Gifflar - kanal (cinnamon rolls)
• 3 x cans of swedish lager
• 2 x cans of swedish cider (for captain blunt)
• chocolate
• Mini D'aim

Still good day had by all, didnt they ..

Skoobie Doobee Doooo!

I got back from work the other night to find a nice present through the post. Its a Skoobie pack, which what all the hip and street 8 year olds are doing these days. Basically plastic strips which you can make into keyrings and er, things which I havent thought of yet. One of the girls on holiday sent me up - I've mentioned her before - but I introduce Emily - Welcome to the Internet. She also doesnt believe I have a photo of her - so this is to prove her wrong :)

Emily, pictured centre - she's very nice you know.

Pep talk friday

After a long, knackering week, I thought it would be nice to relax by the patio and just chill. I done this, listened to music, I blinked and it was around 7.30, so decided food was probably a very good option at this point, sadly there wasnt anything in the fridge, and lazyness kicked in, so ended up with a Mamma's Pizza from across the road. In between this, Captain Rich asked if I wanted a couple of beers down the Well, to continue the chill aspect, which I agreed and we got down there around 10ish.

I had a bit of a character assasination from someone - labelling me immature and a tw$t - so the last thing I really needed was her turning up to the pub, blanking me all but evil eyes across the beer garden/pub. I totally admit I am immature - I like a laugh, I'm a child trapped in a blokes body, but when you have a full time job, interviewing people on the phone and away from the PC - you dont need this kind of abuse, nor do you really need text messages at 05:20 in the morning saying that she's bored.

Anyhoo, at this point, Rich slips into semi drunk state and decides to lecture me about how I'm an attractive lad, good laugh, good sense of humour and "how the students love a bit of magic steve" - continued by a rant of "why do you fall for the wrong people, you could have the run of the place if you put your mind together". To conclude .... the following equation is now being followed closely. I will not fall, flirt, chat up anyone who is :-

• Seeing someone / has a boyfriend
• Mental

Easier said than done!

Show me the Money!!!!

After successfully getting rid of John and Debbie on their "vacation", I've now put their flat up for sale - allowing me to make a massive profit. Just their car to part exchange now, then its like theyve never existed!

Only joking, woke up this morning to find a for sale sign there, which certainly wasnt there when I stumbled past lastnight at none o'clock.

Dont know who's put their place up for sale - certainly not me, unless I done it lastnight when I stumbled in lastnight, I dont think Laura has done it, unless she's had my idea and decided to put it up for sale. I've now got my bible out, praying its going to be some fit single lass who likes blond headed geordie - reward me jebus for my good work to the lord!!!

BYE THEN HELEN!!!!

The lovely (but smoggy) Helen is leaving towards the end of the week, to return to the rich and prosperous land of 'Boro - where the streets are paved with gas masks and smog. A leaving do was typically arranged, IBM style to allow all her friends and colleagues to send her off and basically an excuse to purchase alcohol. The "gang" started off at the Oriental Star for some grub, where as the sensible three hit Pound Night at the Well for some preJug and Jester beers.

We met up in the beer garden and being socialites, we talked to students new and old, as well as the usual suspects. Beer started to flow pretty well and and the random world of Steve, Rich and Blunty started to kickin as part of Leamington Spa's Summer of Free Entertainment campaign.

Helen - Without gas mask.

Usual suspects : me, rich, cabinboy blunty

The stereo system in the beer garden suddenly changed to "Themes of James Bond" - where myself and Miss MoneyBlunt reinacted the scenes from James Bond - using the medium of ... Beer, fingers and mime. At one point, I tried to do something from the Matrix ... and nearly put my back out - myself and blunty turning around to find people staring at us in wonder.

Bye Helen - you'll be missed.

Rallying around the UK

As you may or may not know - but John and Debbie are now in the states - starting their trip across country. I dropped them off at Heathrow and made a slow trip back up north - theyve started to document their journey, however concerned that they have the wrong impression about my driving technique. I wont even tell them about the fact that I nearly crashed into someone on the first roundabout out of the airport due to the dodgy angle of the wing mirrors - but hey.

You can catch up with them on ...

http://hartnup.net/travels/category/oregon-trail/

Episode one and a bit ...

http://hartnup.net/travels/2005/07/09/packed-and-ready-to-go/

Tale of Two Airports

After John and Debbie kindly picked me up from the Airport on Thursday morning, I agreed I would take them down to Heathrow, rather than them having to a) get a taxi b) get a train or c) end up having to leave their car in the long stay carpark for 4 weeks. They kindly offered me the loan of their car while they were away, to get to work, and simple stuff - very kind. Debbie phoned up the insurance company while I was away, to which they quoted her 68 quid for the 4 weeks, or 22 quid for the year - strange - anyhow, I was insured for their car - yay - wheels.

I popped around to their gaff at 2pm today, where I found they had 4 small bags in total, 2 "luggage bags" which were the size of small rucksacks - and their laptop bags - talk about travelling light. Anyhooooo, we were on the road, Debbie drove down the M40 and headed towards Terminal 4 and we got there in good time, I took a photo for them to start their travel log, big them good day and was on my way back to Leamington - took around 90 mins to get back - not bad really.

I'd agreed with Rich that if I had access to the car, I would try doing them a fav by picking him and his mate up from Brum airport - His plane was due to land around 22:45 - but luckily I checked the T'interweb and found it set off a little early and was due to land at 22:30. Sat behind the slowest carravette in the world, I get a text from Rich saying he was waiting outside - managed to get back for 23:30 in the end - not bad for someone who hasnt driven properly for 4 months! YAY!

"Cute - like a new born hamster"

John took this when he picked me up - and showed me lastnight before we went out for curry, not really fair after lack of sleep and being suprised by a flash going off in my face at none o'clock

Notice also the fact that im gripping to my duty free bag - protective of my fine purchases. Proof that I did catch the sun in some form

Coming Back Right Atcha!

Well, I'm back, tales of the trip will appear below once I get the chance and place them in some kind of diary form. I got kicked out of the Emerald Apt's Room yesterday around 10am UK time, and we had to hang around to get picked up to return to the Airport. Our flight that was flying into Brum was leaving around 2am (Thursday), and out coach pick up was around midnight - a drain on any enjoyable holiday. Anyhoo, I think because there were some other delays flying into the UK and everyone checking in nicely and quickly, we got a headstart. John and Debbie had kindly offered to pick me up from the airport, regardless of the early start, so once I got via passport control, text'd Debbie not really knowing what the time was - it was about 60 mins before we had originally agreed to meet, but bless them, they were up (Debbie going to bed around 9pm to get an early night, John going slightly later around 00:20). My bag was the first on the baggage reclaimbelt - which has never happened.

Was nice to be picked up, up to speed on the goss (Paul's moved to Japan, apparently) - then dropped off. After 3 hours kip, I dazed around home, cleaning up and started the post-vacation washing, and then headed into town to purchase;

• 12"/80s/#2 CD
• Green Day's American Idiot
• Food
• Mr Men Fridge Magnets

Butternut Tracks

After setting back in to the world of the living, I checked my MSN emails and found a mail from Mr Ant, passing on a URL to some music that I might be interested in. Turns out, its one of the guys from Collapsed Lung, Jim, who's band, Butternut, had just posted some new tracks online. Ant mentioned in the email that they are pretty similar to Collapsed Lung, upbeat & catchy lyrics - so I thought I would give it a whizz.

Turns out that its pretty cool - three tracks;

• What is Art
• Uncle b-boy
• Freed

Anyhoo, you can download the tracks from the website:

http://www.purevolume.com/butternut and you can find the downloads in mp3 format so you can listen on ipods at :

http://www.purevolume.com/butternut/music

Ant also mentioned that he was doing some Bass playing up at Leicester on Friday Night 15th for a mate. Venue info is :

http://www.ents24.com/web/venue/34149/Leicester/The_Firefly.html

and Flyer information can be found at :

http://kabukikore.net/sarandon/images/FFlyer.gif

Oh Why Why Why!!!!!!!!

Greek Night again, at a special price of 10 Euro's for food and some drink, I decided it would be a good investment. The only downside was the return of the Karaoke nightmare from the previous - we had a massive plan, drink our drinks, finish our food and RUN. Fair play I thought, and it worked, we had a secondary plan, the ring of trust - where we decided that NOONE would sing, regardless. This worked all of about 3 nanoseconds, when the king of karaoke sham pointed to me and screamed on his microphone, "We have someone to do 'Delilah' - he was here last week" - I was scared, like first day of school scared, but hey, at least we had the ring of trust.

The guy was singing the Monkee's 'Cheer Up Sleepy Jean' - and came around with his microphone and got people to fill in the gaps, he headed towards the ring of trust - at first, we were strong, after the first person, then it broke - the curse of karaoke set in. The knees were going, the hands were shaking and anger took over - there is a Geordie chant called 'Cheer up Peter Reid' - of course the bloke hit me at the wrong time - enter Steve - "Cheer up Peter Reid, With your Monkey's Heed, Shit Mackem Bastard, and a Shit Football Team" - I of course learnt from my mistake the previous week and left out any bad language to avoid any further embarressment and prayed this would be enough to put off the man with the mic coming back.

This didnt work ... he came back and asked the lads to sing Delilah - the wrong side of a lager based coma was heading towards us, but we agreed to help his gig kick off. We sang it, and like the week before (with the addition of a beer glass in my hand) I would sing the "Why Why Why" section. It went quicker than last week - strangely aided by booze - but we were actually clapped off the stage - so so bad. Even Beccy and Emily said that we were very good - and from then on .. we rated everyone else on our standards.

Then cometh the sucker punch, the bloke walking around singing "Hey Jude" by the Beatles - of course, I was singing the live version in my head, and moving my lips at the sametime, so then the dude homes in on me - and hands me the mic and I reenter Beatles Live mode and "Judey Judey Judey Juuuuudey". The dude is then in stitches due to my "duet" and can barely go on, leaving me to plug the gaps, singing more "Hey Jude get me a beer"

Still receiving texts from shipshape blunty!

Cocktails and Chat

One of the girls from lastnight - from the Feta Cheese situation - talked to me at the bar. Not the actual one who said it, luckily - this one was pretty fit. I tried to work out who she was with, boyfriend, friends, husband, freaky little green alien maybe ... you just never know. Anyhow, we got talking and turns out she's called Emily, lives in Bath and works for Clares Accessories while not at uni - which is pretty cool - she's also with her mate (Becci) and Becci's brother and mate.

She asked what I was reading, only for me to reveal a Dr Who book and probably scared her away - but she was nice about it and returned to table, leaving me to blush a lot and recap in my own head what I said, and if I was embarressing.

changing of the guard!

Well, Barry and Nicky left today - as soon as they walked out the door, new comers walked in - guess thats the magical world of of tourism. I was sitting at the bar (as you do) when most of the london based newcomers came in - at this point, I had a Greek Salad and a Mythos in my hand - when two strange girls walked up (well not really strange) when one announced that she has a *thing* for feta cheese. Of course, all I could do was laugh as my dirty mind hits gutter level - strangely enough - these girls just walked off, looking at me with strange looks.

Seems strange without Barry and Nicky being around - empty, almost - strange how you can make friends very quickly, without knowing them. Chris and Bonnie asked me to go to Rhodes Town tomorrow, I kindly declined stating I would be doing the usual tomorrow.

Still recieving text messages from "rate card terrorist blunty" - only around 5 today

BYE THEN BARRY!

Barry and Nicky were leaving tomorrow afternoon after their 1 week away in the Emerald Apts, so it was decided that we would go out for a nice little meal celebrate the hello and goodbyes. Chris and Bonnie who were present at the BBQ and sing song lastnight also came out with us for a meal. We started off at the "Lovely" bar, where we giggled for a couple of hours while supping on cocktails, then headed towards the Ideal restaurant for some steaks and Greek salad. Entertaining night, we then headed off to the apt's for a couple of drinks from the bar, where I started to call Dom "Captain" much to his delight, who started to call me it back - strangely enough. "Yammas Captain" would be the phrase everytime I ordered drink - made me laugh anyhow, well so much so it continued all throughout the holiday.

Bonnie and Chris (Tanned Freddie Starr lookalike)

At this point, I'd been sleeping around 10 hours a night, and around 1 or 2 hours in the afternoons, starting to get back to the Wartburton of old - refreshed, bright eyed and bushy tailed. However getting a reputation of "The Lad who is always in bed". At this point, my sunburn from the Peace Festival in Leam was fading and I was going back to pale colours - a little worrying, considering I was using factor 15 in mid 30 oC temp for 5 hours a day.

Still receiving the same text message from Blunty, around 9 today.

Why Why Why !!!!

Monday night was the Emerald Apt Greek BBQ night - part of this included a Karaoke show.

They have a karaoke night during the week, where they let the kids get up and sing their songs, however this was a little more pressured. We had our food, which was lush - all Greek style BBQ - with Lamb, etc - which filled us up. To drink we were buying bottles of white wine and downing them pretty quickly and we laughed when they Greek dude who arranged the music got on the stage and starting singing pretty badly. Then he points to me, stating that I would be next, and with the shock, we all arranged to drink up and head down the local boozer to escape - the rest fearing that even if I went up - the rest would be forced into it later on. The bloke came over and took me by the shoulders - one of the lads, Chris (looks like Freddie Starr) agreed that if we all went up together, that would be the end of the story.

Tom Jone's "Delilah" was the Greek dudes choice - we didnt even get the option!! After a number of bottles, we found this pretty funny and we could all barely speak ... anyhow, I said I would do the "My My My" & "Why Why Why" section - which I do feel I managed pretty well - still bricking my pants like. I also managed to get the "Forgive me Delilah I just couldn't take any moooooooooooore" bit at the end sorted pretty well *.

After this sham, Chris got into the mood and wanted more more more singing, my heart still pounding after the last one, I refused and got stuck into another bottle of wine. We all thought we were safe, only to be tapped on the shoulder by the Greek dude and a crowd of 8 year old girls who wanted to sing "American Pie" and wanted me, Chris and Barry to get up and help them. We done pretty well, again, until Chris who was in front of us, started to privately moon us by pulling his shorts down to us three lads in the back row. Forgetting we had microphones, I accidently shouted "Fucking Hell, look at the state of his arse" - to which, I recieved evils from some very protective mothers!

We vowed never to sing in public again!!

Lovely, Oh My God, Bravo

True to their word, Nicky and Barry arranged to meet me in the hotel bar to explain what we were up too. Basically they had gone out lastnight for some food, they found this place, really looked posh, and just around the corner from the beach.

When they went in, the guy on the door asked where they were from, on replying that they were from England, the guy then slipped into stereotypical english with phases from "only fools and horses". When they ate their food, the guy came over and presented them with "Lovely Salt", "Lovely Pepper", "Lovely red sauce", "Lovely Pizza", "Lovely Beer" and "Lovely Cocktails". When Barry asked for a Pizza the previous night, the guy asked if he would like fruit salad on it as well, to which Barry kindly declined, but the guy turned to him, "I make your pizza with my cheese, my bread, my tomato sauce" - meanwhile, in the background, there was a microwave doing overtime

We got there, and to be fair, it did look pretty impressive - and probably would have suited being a sports bar, or such like - but we sat down - almost immediately greated by "My Lovely Friends, What would you like to drink ? Lovely Mythos?"

"Lovely"

After speaking to him and trying not to piss out pants from what he was saying - out came "Lovely Jubbly" to which we all bend up double laughing.

We returned to the hotel - still laughing and ordering more beer. Suppose you had to be there