Monday, August 08, 2005

Strange Mood, Bad Mood, Foul Mood

I woke up in a bit of a foul mood, I dont know why, maybe I knew it was going to be a crap day/week with work before I even logged in. Maybe it was because my laptop was so slow, I couldnt even login, before I knew the week was going to be crap. Maybe it was because I stupidly stayed up and watched the remaining episodes of Scrubs (we're talking about 2 hours here) and didnt get to sleep til around 1:45. Maybe it was because someone decided to text me at 00:59 to "talk" before she leaves to go back up north.
In reality it was probably all of them and the added bonus of another reorg at work, so if anyone *did* understand who was in charge - they certainly dont now, and if anyone did have any resource, it will be stretched even further than normal so everyone *will* have a headache by friday.
Sometimes I dont really know what I do wrong, after a couple of pep talks from Doctor Love, Rich, it appears I get attracted to the wrong type of women, and need to focus on the right ones. To be honest, getting one to stay interested for more than 2 weeks, without her mentalist ex would be a great start, but dont hold out - too - much hope for that. For example, you stay clear because its best for yourself and best for her, all that has been said, has been said - no more, nothing - so why bother ? My mother is a massive believer in fate, I think sometimes its true - mainly when I feel like it.
I guess seeing the ex on Wednesday night helped sooth some of the stress I was going thru, just seeing her and seeing her safe and "well" was a massive relief. Knowing that she's got to go thru alot of crap when many of the industices in life carry on regardless screws my head up. I took her around my Magic Numbers CD for her to listen too when she was trying to chill and going down to cornwall and then she tried talking me into going to Yoga and Sports Therapy for breathing correctly. Guess she still has that dark sense of humour, knowing I wont do it, but she'll nag anyhow. I'm not a control freak in any terms, but like to understand and be in control of situations, and it just worries me that I cant do anything, other than be there for her if she needs anything, it also worries me that she might not want me to be there to help, even if I could or be supportive.
All scary, at the end of the day - sorry for the rant!

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