Lads Night Out

Myself and John popped up to the New Windmill Ground to watch Leam play Tipton, which was supposed to be one of the hardest games of the season, even at home, and loads of prematch banter between the two sets of supports on the message boards - including YAMYAMs. John said he would drive up - due to the fact my car still hasnt been fixed, nor have the garage even called me to discuss when they can do it. Anyhooo, we got up there with enough time to grab a cuppa, a pie (or burger) and find our usual place. I'll not bore you too much with the details, however, Leam won 3-0, with the 2nd looking a bit dubious for offsite - but you have to take your changes when you can.

John mentioned that with Debbie being away, and Tom H having a night pass, they were thinking of a lads night out - and at the time I wasnt sure if I should sleep, or go out and have a laugh - as its a while since we towned it around Leam. After takeaway pizza to fill me up and place a layer on my stomach, myself and John (I was 10 mins late) ventured up town to, grabbing some cash and ended up meeting Tom and his mate "Nige" in the Willoughby, where double JD and coke / Southern Comfort and coke was on the menu. It was discussed that we would embark on a Goonies style trip around Leam - and for one night, become Townies. We ended up in Satchwells next, where again, doubles on the menu, taking in the sights and sounds of the "legal" drinkers and so so short skirts. On our wander up the Parade, we managed to get flyers to CodeRed - which said "next door to the White Horse" - to which we laughed. It appears that they've split the White Horse into two, the old side being the White Horse, and those just about old enough to drink go to R&B friendly CodeRed, where the girls were wearing even less.

We ended up in Moo next, where we managed to chinwag, say hi to a couple of people I knew, and look at the lovely ladies with the a) trendies b) chav c) just so wrong boyfriends. We had a couple of drinks in there - and spent most of the night drawing things on the windows covered in condensation - Tom managed to pour a glass of spirits all over his trousers, making it look like he's pissed his pants. One round in Moo - £21.60 for 4 drinks - cheap then! From here it went a little hazy, but it goes long the lines of we end up in Rios - Tom paying for us, and then us paying Tom back, then more booze and a bit of dance. It also introduced the new game of "Which one of you lovely ladies is single, Steve's single and looking?"

After more dancing, and loosing John, Tom and Nige, I bumped into a couple of people that work at the Robbins Well, so "hung out" with them - including a foxy minx who i've seen around, yet, never spoken too. We got dancing, at one point some random crazy dancing behind me grabbing my arse - turning around and grinning, thankfully the Minx grinned and saved me. There was this bloke there, who is about as camp as a field full of treehugging hippies - at a camp-expo, and gay, apparently. So, finding little miss minx snogging Mr Gay, my humour started to go dramatically south, and after chasing someone away to China, I now have some how managed to convince a girl that snogging a Gay bloke, is a much better option. Time to give up I reckon!!

Anyhoo, I managed to get back and into bed around 3.30 and find blood all over my shirt, although I wasnt bleeding - nice. I woke up with the nice sound of "weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" in my ears - and ventured into town, trying to clear my head. I managed to catch up with Nomes and Andy, and had lunch in the Lounge - and very nice too it was. After food shopping and buying a tshirt, I returned home, to tidy and chill - need sleep - badly.

Alwight?!?

Myself, John and Debbie had a quick curry (which extend to about 90 mins) in town, then due to Debbie having to travel to London, and Celeb Big Brother concluding - we ended up back at theirs. Thanks to Mr Tivo, we were able to track back and it appeared that Chantelle, Barrymore, "Maggott" and Preston (not north end) were left as the final big 4. Brilliant you may think - and to be honest, Mr Barrymore's first week's antics, I thought the public would have taken a disliken to him. Fair play to him and fair play to the public for backing someone who was pulled apart by the UK press. I personally have nothing against him, nor his shows in the past, and I certainly wouldnt have an issue with him coming back to the UK screen - although you have to worry if he gets knocked back down a peg for whatever reason. Personally - I think he is the only celeb to use big brother as a medium and use it successfully - and to that, I take my hat off to him (if I was wearing one) and say congrats.

The Chantelle situation, you have to worry, that if (as believed by the media) she was led astray by miss marsh - what happens now she's "famous". Good luck to her tho, its everyones dream to come from "nothing" to being a real "celeb" overnight - lets hope she does it with style - and if she's looking for someone ;o)

Where is your Family?

After a bit of abuse, banter and chinwag with Mr Bluntarian, he passed on the following link that shows the approx area of people with a certain surname at different times in history (1881 and 1998). The root link is :- http://www.spatial-literacy.org/UCLnames/Surnames.aspx

For close friends, I've linked a couple of examples;

Me (under Wharton - dont ask) - 1881 1998

Headworth - 1881 1998

Hartnup - 1881 1998

Pickford - 1881 1998

Dee - 1881 1998

Wildsmith - 1881 1998

And you thought this blog was based on chaos, shambles and drunken jibberish and not science and fact - shame on you!!

Oh You ChittyChittyBANGBANG

I was on the way to wednesday night 5aside football, driving up towards the roundabout where the Ford Factory and Blockbusters are located - doing as I do most Wednesdays night. Nothing wrong with the night - completely clear, traffic was average, and I had to give way to some traffic around the roundabout. Once it was clear, I started to accelerate (5/10 mph) over the roundabout - then - BANG!!! - next thing I know, this 206 is swirving all over the road heading towards MacDonalds. My first reaction was, "oh, hello" then, "hang on a tick, thats not supposed to happen" then "best find out who hit me then I suppose" - strangely enough - all very calmly.

I managed to get his details - and it appears he was in the right lane coming from behind me, trying to left! Reminding myself of basic physics, no, not the law about touching light bulbs, mains sockets when the electricity is switched on, but cars are not gaseous bodies and infact, if you hit one into another - it makes a big bang and a bit of mess. Trying to get this message across to the "3rd party", as my insurance company now call him, was a little more difficult so reduced to the basics. If you want to go left, you stay in the left lane, if you're in the right lane, you turn right, or merge in the ahead lane - once again, I think this failed, only to get a comment of "Well your car doesnt appear to be damaged". Well Mister, trust me - 5 minutes before you smashed into my car - it was even less damaged.

Anyhow, the car appeared to be driveable - so headed over to the football area - had a semi decent game - missing about 5 changes, hitting the post once - but starting to get the feel for right midfield as well as up front. I'm getting the hang of protecting the ball using my body and being able to turn pretty quickly - and at this rate, when I'm 40, I could join an U15 team with my newly developed skills.

One of the lads followed me home - just incase the whole steering column knackered up and left me stranded in the middle of Warwick - luckily its fine. Just got a small problem of forking out 200 quid for excess while the insurance company investigate my demolition derby friend "Mr 3rd party". I phoned my sister who was in the police, trying to work out if I had to get them involved - as its one of lifes funny situations, where there isnt a documented procedure as to what to do.

Cold Weather, Arctic Monkeys!

I've been keeping tabs on the Arctic Monkeys for a couple of months, managing to get ahem-hold of some of their tracks, and on Monday, their new Album has just been released called "Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not".

I bought it from iTunes as I couldnt get into town and only just been able to sit down and listen to it properly - all I can say is buy it - its different, but refreshing.

Cold Cold Football

Tuesday night football was back on the menu tonight, with the brakes playing at home against Romulus. With Debbie at work, I tend to take John up as he's without the car, so was over the moon when we get outside, to find that the windscreen was iced over and had to clear it. The in-car/bus thermometer was reading -1 at that point - but, wearing thermals, I knew I'd have the last laugh (ah ah hahahahahaha - thats my evil laugh, if i could develop one). We managed to get up there a couple of minutes before kick off, mooched around and I handed over the prog and fanzine that I bought for John at the weekend.

We decided to get a cuppa on the way to the other side of the ground, just as we kicked off - while we were stuck in the 2 people long queue, we managed to give away a pen, and the opposition score from it - all after a cup of tea and our backs turned. Debbie then turned up after getting rid of kiddy winkles from college and joined us. We played "guess the attendance" with 322 - John and Debbie being piss takers, decided to block my answer, but guessing one either side - the result being 321 - not bad really for mine - so I'm going to claim that result. John managed to win the half time raffle, by claiming a bottle of white wine - bonus and we managed to slowly freeze while watching football. We managed to get goal back and looked like we could have gone on to win it - only for 90 mins to be blown.

Return trip back home - the in-car computer registered -4 - lovely - sat here shivering trying to get feeling back into my fingers. Hard fought battle - but, end of the day, the opposition are 2nd in the league or something - so well deserved really. Might even be a "we've turned the corner" style comment that Mr Souness might come out with.

Why oh Why oh Why - II

I think someone summed it up well today - "you must have done something wrong in a former life", of course, this is related to the woman situation in my world - well, lack of I should say. Just before Xmas, I bumped into and met a nice lass, someone I felt comfortable with - then, all of a sudden, she's jetting off to China. I thought I was a decent snog, you know, nothing bad, nothing good, but decent - but never as bad as someone moving half way around the world because of me!

Anyhow, before she left, she sent me a text with her MSN address - and once in a while we chat - you know, nothing heavy, just chinwag, trying to flirt a little (never works well on MSN, i tell you). So, being a brave lad that I have been recently with Sarah, today I asked if I could have a surname to add to my phone's address book for her number. Instead I got, "might as well delete that number, doesnt work anymore". So, as Paula Abdul used to say, two steps forward, and three steps back - but then she also danced with a cartoon cat, so dont trust her too much!

Anyhow, doubt there is much I can do in the next x number of months, while I'm stuck here in oh so warm England, and young foxy Sarah is stuck in China - damn my cursed women luck!

England - Nation of Animal Lovers

We already know that we're a race of cat, dog etc lovers - and its highlighted when an animal is an abnormal situation - such as the Whale which has swam up the Thames. Rather than calling it/him/her a Whale, I've decided to give the Whale a name - William - feels more friendly. Rich told me yesterday afternoon that Sky News were running the headline story of "Whale in Thames" and I thought he was winding me up. Needless to say, after switching Sky News on - the WhaleCopter flying over the Thames, Whalexperts from around the world being interviewed on the chances of survival, and random punters texting in offering their advice;

Why can't we airlift the creature out of the Thames and dump it back in the
North Sea?

I'm distressed at the state of the Whale, it looks tired

Myself and Rich had a few suggestions - including letting sharks (I'm calling Simon and Sid) loose in the Thames to push the Whale down the Thames, then release something bigger to scare the sharks out of the Thames. Rich suggested taking the Whale for a pint and sorting out our differences, then get the 632 bus down to Southend and dropping it off at the beach.

William - The Whale - look, he's smiling!

Some guff I stole from the BBC news website about Whales - and as you can see - they live in the sea! wow, and people are suprised that the Thames is in the area of "Where they live"

After about 5 hours of live feed, Sky News returned to the desk, interviewed Terry Nutkins (friend of Johnny Morris, Dolphins and other sealife creatures) about the Whale, and Terry, bless him, offered more common sense than anyone, including the 101 "Whalexperts" on the banks of the Thames.

Then, all of a sudden, "Someone has been arrersted in Buckingham Palace, but now, back to the Whale in the Thames, more on that story later"

Anyway, I'm off to London to cash in on this, with my printed tshirts of Charlotte Church saying "I love Whales" and to offer my "Whalexpert" advice on the species, everyone else is doing it - why not me! No, I wont be heading to the Whaleway Station, like some pecker suggested on Sky News.

Film 2006

I have a reputation for avoiding scary / horror / thriller films - just dont like them at all, and its just not the fact that my finger nails are embedded into the nearest chair for 90 mins, its the fact it embeds into my head and continues to scare the crap out of me. Needless to say, I avoid these type of films, and stick with comedy and action films - just on the off chance I watch something creepy and dont sleep for a week - and in all honesty, the scariest movie that I've bought for my collection is Men in Black, or something strange like that.

I bought War of the Worlds, mainly because it looked pretty good, and something that I've been after for a while, one way or another, so on my Happy Friday In (In is the new Out, divvent ya knar) I settled down with some Tetley and switched the lights off.

I know the film isnt supposed to be scary and probably due to my current state of constant paranoia - well - and the flow of alcohol, I slowly and surely started to brick my pants. Personally I thought it was a good film, good special effects and decent acting - and no Debbie, I didnt cry at the end! I dont know how the son managed to get to Boston at the end - which was a bit of mystery to me.

Needless to say, I mentioned that it wasnt just a normal film to Rich and got back, "State of you" - so I've decided to keep my experiences skin deep, to avoid embarresment and any further piss take. Anyhooooo - good film, easy watching, still pants bricking tho.

Stressfree football

Normally when you play football, you try putting all kinds of misery out of your mind - or it reflects in your game. This was true for last thursdays sham of a thursday 2 hour lunch football session, when I let work get in the way of my game - missing the target 20 times - so I was eager to put my shamtastic football to one side for a couple of days.

I've been swimming a bit this week and I could feel the way my running was improved, able to keep up with people and in fact, for the first time in a long time, able to beat people - yay! I managed to score a left footer lastnight, even tho, I have to admit, I thought I scuffed the ball and put it wide - but hey, as my old man told me - "Son, they all count".

Today was revenge day, I missed so many last week, I had to borrow hands to count them on - and feeling a bit bloated from a 12" pizza at 23:00 lastnight I expected a repeat performance was on the cards - however, nope, managed to score about 5, setting up 2 - and yet we still lost! Felt like I worked my socks off (just as well I bought a new pair at the weekend) and came out feeling great - got back home, made a drink of water - only to find out I had to be on 2 conf calls between 2 and 4 - yay, sitting in sweaty gear for me.

Everyone has a Fairy Godmother

You know in the olden days - when people used to have fairy godmothers and such like - well I dont think times have changed so much. For example, tuesday was a bit of a shit day, and probably was a result to 2 weeks of spiralling sham that came to a head. To be fair, I really didnt to too much on Tuesday, apart from doing 100 lengths at the pool, held a team meeting, got shouted at by people - the usual tuesday gubbins. It got to about 2pm, when I thought, why do I bother, why do I put up with this - anyhow, in the same 3 minute time frame, I ended up talking to Rich who suggested a couple of pints to put the world to rights.

So, after a couple more meetings, more people shouting at me - it got to 16:45 when I thought bugger it - I asked Rich if he could get off from work a little earlier than normal and invited him down to the Well. Rich has a real knack of putting things in to perspective - "Pint of Carling Steve?" and you know what, it worked.

However, due to rushing around, swimming and having conf calls etc, I forgot that I only had a gammon sandwich all day, so after the 3rd pint, I was completely minced and unable to speak. I ended up getting a cheesy chip putty from the Well, and ended up forcing another pint down my neck. Rich has some kind of a pizza fetish at the moment, so we ended up in Piccolino's while he shammed around getting a take out, giving me the opportunity to have a swift half pint - mmm.

Thanks Rich, 60 more mins and the men in the white coats would have come and took me away - and no, not the lab technicians.

Healthy Steve - two words you would never think are linked together

I'm in a healthy frame of mind for a change - it all started in the car this morning while I listened to Radio 1, and they had some health dude on, suggesting ways of getting fitter. Normally, it goes in one ear and comes out the other - but for a change, decided to listen, and do something about it more importantly. I got off to a bad start when I had a twix with my cup of tea, but my defence is that they didnt have any apples in the vending machine. I was due to go to a meeting, however got told I wasnt needed, so came home - after a number of meetings and presentations, I decided enough was enough and I should go for a swim.

Swimming is like running, apart from getting wet, not having to concentrate on running and really, you dont have to make too much of an effort - I find - which suited me well. After 50 lengths I decided to go for a sauna, mainly because there was a scary fat man in the jacuzzi smiling and talking to himself. I relaxed, chilled and tried to find out if the fat scary man had left - just my luck - still there. Bugger it I thought, I'm away home - watch some TV, do some work, eat some healthy food - be happy - only to find, when when I was walking out, some fit lass smiled and said Hi to me. I'd walked too far to turn around - damn that crazy scary fat man!

When I returned home and had a chat with upstairs, I switched my George Foreman grill on, bunged some rice to boil - slapped on chicken and red & green peppers on the grill - 10 mins - healthy meal - and I'd made it myself. To be fair, it was boil in the bag rice - but still - healthy all the same. I even washed it down with OJ and a healthy style cheesecake - mmmm.

Holland & Football - normally linked - not today

I had an email from my boss's boss asking if I could help some point out in Holland - running around like a headless chicken trying to get ready for Thursdays Work/Life Balance 5aside - it didnt really help my cause. Apparently they had some massive issues which they asked for help - and I said I could help in PD - but also get one of my guys to assist if need be. Before I know it - some Dutch dude is phoning me up asking me to travel to Holland to assist - er aye! Steady there skipper!

I turned up for football, where we had one man advantage and we played half pitch - which personally I think its a bit poor, but hey - less to run. I knew things were starting to go badly when I tried to chip the last man and ended up missing pretty badly. The general jist of this story is - insert 50 mins and 20 shots on target, with no goals, and alot of banter from the opposition. Normally I would have got at least 3 or 4 of them on a good day - however their keeper was in complete form - at which point, I was 1-on-1 with the keeper, I hit the ball, the ball deflected off the keeper back to myself - and again, and again - missed.

We got hammered, completely hammered and when I got back to my place to continue working - I had an instant message from the guy who arranges Thursday football saying, "One of the attendants felt sorry for the one who missed all the goals - they give us discount" - cheeky little sod. Need to get fitter again, starting with swimming on Friday after work, with Debbie!

Lost with LOST

It was Debbie's birthday today, and with being manic at work, I had to pop into town to get a couple of bits and bobs and her present. After returning back home to continue to work, I never got the chance to wrap it - then had to pop out again to organise 5aside football. Its starting to become a bit of a drag, because you know what its like - some weeks you just cant be arsed - however, I've got to make that extra effort because I pay for it, arrange it and have to ensure that people turn up the next week.

Anyhow, after a crap game of football - by not scoring any - however setting up someone with a fantastic threw-ball/chip, I returned back home, wrapped up Debbie's presents and took them around to her flat where I said a quick hello to herself and John.

I returned to my gaff, continued making my roast dinner - sat down with a pint of Tetley's Smooth and switched the TV on. The last two episodes of LOST series one was on tonight and although having not watched the full series, I decided it would be a nice chilled out thing to do. The first episode completed and I thought to myself, after pouring myself a second can, that they would have to run with the conclusions pretty quickly in the last episode to make things a little more clearer. OOOH, how wrong can you get - invisible tree lifting gubbins, pirates stealing kids and a hatch being opened up - all left me in a bit of a disarray. In fact, some would say, left more questions than answers, and only to be told that the 2nd series would be shown in the spring.

Looking vr confused, I went to bed, but not sleeping due to the lingering cold and hearing things outside next to the canal - handy.

Tester Warburton!

Mr Rich was kind of enough to give me one of his invites to the Windows Live Messenger (Basically MSN version 8) Beta testing. There are a number of versions kicking around the joint that you can download, but requires some proxy software to bypass the Mircosoft security systems, however this just needs to assign an OK against your name and allows you to sign in.

I have to say, its a massive change in terms of the interface, and its taken a bit of getting used too. Its all a bit XP'y - with bright colours and billy big buttons - but once you get there, it is actually pretty good. I signed up for another Beta yesterday, Windows Live Mail beta, which apparentl I'll hear about in the next couple of weeks - all sounds a bit like hotmail - but draggy droppy kind of gubbins with a 2Gb mail file - I only get 100Mb at work!!

Moment of Bright madness

I've had a couple of light bulbs that have litterally blown up - leaving part of the bulb ( the metal bit ) inside the light fitting. Its been like this for a couple of weeks, and I decided to do something about it, well, when I came across the spare bulbs in the cupboard anyhow. I done the sensible thing and turned the lights off, and had a good look inside the fitting and tried turning the bits that were left over.

I have to say, in a moment of stupidness, it looked safe and decided to try turning the remaining bulb while the light was on - thinking nothing would happen, well, til *BANG* - plunged in complete darkness with only a massive bright light around my thumb. My first thought was feck, what have I done, the next bit was, what do I do ? do I earth myself? do I run my thumb under a tap?

Luckily, due to the fuse and wiring of the flat, it had done the tripswitch in - stopping me from doing any further harm.

Light still not fixed - thumb throbbing slightly!

Boring Boring Football

After lastnights relaxing and taking it easy happy friday, I slept in a little, popped into town to get a very cheap copy of Mario Kart - Double Dash, to play on my Game Cube. I've not played on my Game Cube for a while - mainly because John and Debbie have had it next door to play Donkey Conga (honestly - tut!) and I got the idea from John who's just purchased a new Nitendo DS.

On returning from town, and venturing via Subway to get a sandwich, it was time to get changed into warm gear to watch the Brakes play Boldmere St Michaels'. It was starting to snow, and rain, and get cold - so a couple of layers went on, including thermals and a wooly hat. We got up there just before 3pm and the weather had improved and was getting a little warmer due to the shelter. I ordered myself an FA Cup limited addition Brakes football shirt from the guy, and he also mentioned that he had an umbrella for me if I was still interested - fine by me - so he's going to call me when they are ready.

The game itself, was vr scrappy, its what you expect in the middle of winter, a mudpit, scrappy play and very little chances. This continued til about 85 mins into the game, then the Brakes managed to step up a gear, previous missed passes, were now hitting the targets, and they were becoming vintage Brakes again. Then the final whistle - another draw at home (never going to beat Chesterfields') - final score 0-0 - match report can be found here. I also won "guess the attendance" with my answer of 412, actual attendance was 423.

Got home, warmed up, played Double Dash, had food, watched "Walking with Monsters" and indulged in a bottle of wine - got drunk, entered coma, The End.

Junior Blanks - Free Music!

I had an MSN from Ant (used to be in Collapsed Lung, DJ Scissor Kicks and now of ex-Junior Blanks) saying that the band has posted all their music online. There is the option to either download the zip files (consists of about 20 tracks) or email them and get actual records sent out.

I was only missing three tracks and have to say, I was impressed with the ones I have now got in my collection - including Medicine Show and Heaven Help Them All (which includes a backing track of the Crash Test Dummies' mmm mmm mmm song)

Anyhow, you can download them free of charge at :

http://www.juniorblanks.co.uk/

Festive Time of year - not at all commercial

Anyone interested in Easter Eggs ? Somerfield now has them on sale - not bad for 5th Jan!

Boxing Day's Boxing Game

An early start today - 6am, all in the name of football, and with a small possibility of seeing Sarah, if she calls. Today is Boxing Day, its also the first local derby between Leamington FC and Racing Club Warwick for eons - local pride and bragging rights were are stake, so personally for me, I had to be there.

As I mentioned, 6am was an early start, with the plan of leaving my mum's at 6.30am to get down in time to grab a shower, get changed and pack things away and make the place look tidy. That was the plan anyhow, after a cup of tea, a chat with my mum and washed, shaved and teeth brushed the time was heading towards 6.45. After packing the car with a number of things, and still half a sleep, my mum announces that I should take my Teddy Bears down with me - based on the asumption my mum's had them stored away for 10 years, and a couple more months wouldnt do. Rather than getting private jabs from Rich, Nomes and Andy, I thought I would take a photo and post them up - so then everyone can take the piss, in a mission to dilute the piss take. So, I give you Camel, and Big Ted, the latter being my fav bear, and the former itching me like anything - and still does.

Camel - Itchy little thing!

Big Ted - My fav - not looking a lil dirty!

Anyhoo, back to the story - heading back south, and managed to get back home around 10am which isnt to bad, mainly because the roads were quiet and not many police around. After melting in the shower, John and Debbie arrived from Wales - and we had a quick drive over to Racing Club Warwick's ground. I have to say, I've been to some bad substandard grounds in my time - however this was shocking - it looked like someone's back garden and thought at one point there were actually ramblers rather than footballing fans.

Racing Club Warwick's Ground * Warning - Might not actually be the ground

1280 more or less fitted into the ground, and it was dirty from the off - Racing Club Warwick deciding that boxing on Boxing Day would be apt, however we managed to fill our midfield full and pick up on the counter. The patience payed off when in the second half, Howell ran down the right wing and crossed for Richard Adams to volley into the net - fantastic goal, well taken and just the Christmas present the Brakes needed. Full time was Racing Club Warwick 0 - Leamington FC 1 - full match report can be found here. This give me the opportunity to poke fun at the 8 year old kid stood next to us who was a Warwick fan, who basically didnt stop going on about the Brake's 9-1 defeat against Colchester - until Debbie told me off!

A quick drive back, changed and the three of us went down to the Well for pub meal, beer and Newcastle v Liverpool - which ended up in Liverpool scoring 2 and us none - and giving us a lesson in football, and turning my day into misery.

Nice to have my own space back, nice to have a shower and central heating too.

Merry Christmas

If anyone knows about how my family is setup - then they will understand how stressful Christmas day is. I dont mean that in a bad way, just one thing that you really dont need - its all based around precision timing - ie, My Dad pops out to the local working man's club and doesnt return til he knows the Christmas dinner is on the table, my sister was around at the inlaws this year to confuse things that little bit more.

Anyhoo, after nursing a bit of a hangover, I rose from the spare bedroom, wished my mother a merry Christmas, and got a cup of tea in exchange - brilliant! I then got a text from my sister saying, "Can you bring milk over" - this is the 2nd year that she's done that, so just going to get her a 2 pint bottle of red top of next year - done and dusted. As mentioned, my Dad was out on a mission at 11am on the dot, meaning I had to get over to Winlaton, see my sister, and pop up to my Dad's and give him the presents. I'd asked for the Starwars Ep III from my dad, mainly because it finished my collection off nicely - so, was suprised when I recieved some smellies from boots and some boots vouchers - nevermind eh ?

I dropped him off in the village, and headed back to my sisters, where my mum was waiting, talking to the dog and probably annoying the bro-in-law. Managed to get a nice shirt from my sister and a George Formby Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine. Turned out nice again! I only got the Junior sized one because my sister said, "You cant get a girl friend - so you're cooking for one!", then Phil suggested, "... and it was cheaper that the full size one".

Anyhooo, after drinking 2 gallons of tea and outstaying our welcome - we returned to my mothers gaff, had yet more tea and opened presents and started the Christmas Dinner. The Dinner was fantastic, I have to say, my mum makes a lovely Xmas Dinner - then I grew to 3 times the size of her flat and burst. I managed to get one of them Chocolate Fondu sets from my mum - and everything that you more or less need to have a Chocolate Fondu night in. I reckon my mother thinks I'm going to be entertaining over the night couple of months - so trying to educate me in the ways of the posh.

My mum has an uncanny knack of having an opinion on everything - for example;

You havent seen Bend it like Beckham ? Dont Worry, it's Crap

The JCB Song is pretty good isnt it That song is crap,
dont know how that made it to number one.

That tshirt you're wearing, Stephen, its a bit of a colour clash and I dont like
it.

Needless to say, when I switched the TV on to chill out - this happened. ...

Silent Night ... Holy Night ... Thank the Lord - My mum, exhausted by talking

I had a couple of cans, watched the TV, watched Toy Story 2 for the first time which was excellent, then the Christmas Special of Doctor Who, followed by some Christmas TV Tat and bed for an early start to the morning!

All in all, a very nice Christmas - an enjoyable break, relaxing, testing at times - cant wait to get back to my place for a shower!

Best Christmas Eve - Ever!

Mainly due to the fact that I didnt get to see Philippa lastnight, the fact I'm leaving Newcastle first thing Monday and in between, theres a small thing called Christmas - I decided to treat Pip out for the day. Its been a while since I've seen her, and I do like spending time with her - even tho she is completely nuts. After her lastnight's bit of bad news with work - she decided to stay in town with her work mates and get hammered, so by the time I got to her flat - she could only mutter one word - "MacDonalds". After running an courier service for my mother, we ended up down the Metro Centre's drive thru - and driving away with about 20 quids worth of fast food - and heading to Tynemouth.

I like going to the coast when I'm up in Newcastle, and I think if / when I do move back up North, I'll move to Tynemouth or somewhere close. Just feels nice, cold, but nice - and you feel like you have the wind in your hair - well, to be honest, it was in my hair - and chilled my face off. The one thing about Tynemouth is, I've never been to their Sealife Centre type Aquarium - so decided to take Philippa there.

Philippa - excited

We got there and had a quick look around the information centre - and it was hard to see who was the "nearly 31" out of us - and who was the child like person. Oh yeah, we've both 31 in Feb - bugger. We paid our money - well, technically, although I was treating Philippa, she ended up paying - with a shifty right eye on the centre shop - full of tat - yes, thats correct - Pippa has a tat fetish.

Fish May Bite - That includes household Goldfish!

Interesting how the above sign was all over the gaff when you have the harmless goldfish and sea life fish/animals - yet, when it came to the Piranha tanks - no sign what so ever. Anyhoo, we wandered around, looked and read up on the tropical fish, saw the cute otter that could rip your voice box out in seconds and then the scary evil deadly frogs

Toon Fish!

We walked around the corner, and found a massive tank full of different creatures - including sting rays (STIIIING RAAY - Doodledoodledoo) and then fancy looking sharks - took some photos - faffed around and laughed at random looking ugly fish.

A Shark - looking hungry, yesterday, pictured centre

After about 45 mins faffing around looking at fish - Philippa decided to look at the world of tat - buying some dodgy keyring with her name on. Reckon, given 20 mins, she could have bought the whole shop with bags of crap going to her flat.

We drove around Tynemouth a little more and after her refusing to get out of the car because "it was to cold and you can just go f**k off if you think I'm walking on the beach" - I got out of the car on my own and went to take some photos - some of which will be on Flikr.

To improve my Christmas Eve mood - Pippa decided to ask if we could pop into a supermarket to get some essentials - like milk, bread, 5 bottles of wine! I ended up coming out with a griddle pan, and 10 quids worth of random frozen products for tea and some old speckled hen - mmm. Anyhooo, dropped Pippa back at her flat and headed back to my mothers to eat the frozen food I purchased, and drink the booze, that I had purchased, sat down in the chair, and didnt move

The Eve Before Christmas Eve

I was due to go out drinking with Philippa and Een tonight, however, due to a number of reasons - it bombed out, but to be honest, I was knackered, so a blessing in disguise. Instead, decided to return Sarah's (sexy Sarah from the other night) call and apologise for not being able to chat much, well technically at all. We had a good chinwag, got to know each other a little more, and give Sarah the details of when I would be back in Leam, and she said she would text me over the weekend and before she leaves for her travels.

Text'd Debbie, to which I got a sarcy text message saying I was a big boy for talking to the opposite sex!

In festive mood now!

Books Books Books and More Books

Thankfully, there is a festive mind in the company these days, so I was able to leave around midday - however, thanks to numbnuts, I had to stay a little later to shovel more crap. I had a scan on friends reunited for old school mates incase there were hanging around in Newcastle, where I came across an old school mate Sarah. She's just opened a Book Shop over in Ryton (about 4 mile away from where I grew up) and popped over for a couple of hours for a chinwag to catch up and fill in a bit of time.

Turns out "Henry's Book Shop" has only been open for a couple of weeks, but looks a fantastic setup already. We nattered over tea, talked about times in the past, some old friends, my old physics teacher becoming headmaster at my old comp - so strange, so wrong. Sarah went to powder her nose - and asked me to look after the shop - I've never looked after a book shop, and technically speaking, there wasnt any customers - however, it felt good - stressfree, interesting and give you the satisfaction of people watching - while you make a living.

Anyhoooo, if you're interested in ordering a book, get it from Henry's Bookshop, Sarah is able to post orders, so its not like you have to travel to Newcastle. Anyhow, if you're interested, you can email Sarah on henrys.books@virgin.net - could well save you some money.

Howay Man! Jeff Man!

I feel like a lucky man today ... I took a slightly different route to work this morning - and not only passed one site that was filmed on Byker Grove, but two. Yes, around the corner from my mothers, you actually have the castle type building that was used on the Byker Grove set. Further down the hill, was the place where Ant (or was it Dec) got blinded in the Paintballing exercise.

This is Stefan Warburton bringing you filming sets from around the North East!

Catching up

Its been nice up in the North East, although been busy and completely zapping, I've managed to catch up with a couple of friends and most of the immediate family. I popped over to see my sister on Monday night, just before she went out into Newcastle for a session with her shift. She'd invited me out, mainly because one of her mates is single and looking - and apparently interested - but because I had to continue my visiting, politely declined.

I popped over to see EEN and Sarah, and of course, cute little Jess - who were all full of cold - and ironically, me being the fittest and healthiest one there. Sarah has just been told that they're expecting their next child in June time - so its all very exciting - and once little Jess got used to me again, she couldnt stop giving me her photo with Father Xmas and herself - all very exciting, I'm sure. Planned to go out for a couple of quiet ones with Een later on in the week, maybe meeting up with Pippa on Friday and Xmas Eve.

Yesterday lunch time, I met up with Gillian (my sister) and my Dad up in Winlaton at the Rose and Crown and bought them lunch - only seemed fair after buying my mum Sunday Lunch at the weekend in Newcastle. Had a chin wag, myself and Gillian were up to our old tricks or having childish place fights - even making me bleed when I punched her wedding ring! thanks!

SOMETHING'S COMING,,,>

Just been checking the Doctor Who Website for information about the Christmas Invastion Special. Looks like they have a couple of trailers already and a couple of teasers.

Looking forward to it already.

Also, there are a number of photos found here - with some spoilers.

Ice Stops Play!

A busy, tight scheduled day ahead. I have to admit, with my mum moving jobs, and with it, homes, I dont know where she lives. The only thing I had to go on was a postcode - and technically, I could have asked for directions - but thats the easy way out. Mr Palin purchased a fancy Tomtom satnav device the other day and give me an idea. I decided to do the same, and purchased a slightly lower model (going for the 500, instead of the 700). Rich tipped me off that Argos had them on the cheap, so after some web research and finding out that Argos had this saving of 100 quid, I decided to plump for it, and shove it on my credit card.

I had about 30 mins to work out how to use it, get the flat tidy and pack the car as the Brakes were playing in Rorster. I actually managed it, meeting John and Debbie out on the street and prompted left Leam. We got on the road, going through Kenilworth, however this TomTom 500 couldnt find a GPS signal - great, spent a fortune on something that doesnt even work. It got to the situation where i was about to throw it out the window when we got to the M6 Toll booth, opened the window to pay and "IN 300 YARDS - TAKE THE 2ND EXIT ON THE ROUNDABOUT". The women at the toll booth give me a funny look, and I give her one too, thinking she was taking the piss. I preprogrammed the device before we left - and it was actually working pretty well, even with a scouse style "ROUND-ABOUT" comedy accent - sounded something like Thomas the Tank Engine. We got into the town, and I have to say, I would fancy living there - looked like a nice town to live in, although was surrounded by a high percentage of chavs. We reached the ground and there was 5 mins before kick off, however still alot of people knocking around - including people getting on and off the team bus.

One of the supporters club guys came up to Debbie's and my car telling us that the game had been cancelled at 2pm - nice. So, not only have I ran around like a headless chicken, I've driven god knows how far, but the game got cancelled without anyone knowing it. John, Debbie and I headed to a local pub to releave ourselves and had a quick drink, before we split - them heading home, and I heaving towards Newcastle via crosscountry towards the M1.

The TomTom device worked well, I even changed the display so you could see the road that you're driving along and it was suprisingly accurate. I headed to the last major roundabout towards my mum's when my phone went - assuming it was my mum, I shouted that I was driving still and would give them a bell back. The TomTom device guided me to my mum's postcode - it was 30 metres out - which isnt to bad going, considering I've never been here before.

After getting myself settled, and 3 cups of tea and chatted to my mum - I apologised to my mum for not being able to pick the phone up while I was driving. She said she didnt know anything about it and never called me - so checked my phone - a Leamington Number - which was a bit strange. I assumed that it was John and Debbie who checked my flat and I'd forgot some presents behind or I've shamed around slightly. So I called the number, and some bloke answered the phone - I said hello a couple of times and got "Ah, is that Steve?" - you know what its like when you dont know someones voice so said yes. "Ah, I'll get Sarah, she called you earlier but thought you'd given her the wrong number". YES!!! So I chatted a little bit, told her that I was going to be back in Leam on boxing day morning, and if she was still around (she's off to China), I'd take her out for a drink or do something interesting.

Happy Festive Friday!

After suffering all day with a hangover, the last thing I really needed was some kind of heavy happy friday, so we ended up going to picollinos for a pizza and a pint of peroni. Well, I only managed 3/4's of the pint, am I actually getting old and unable to take my beer. It was suggested that we could go for a bottle of wine at the jug, however, John and Debbie have been following space cadets pretty closely, so arranged to have some drinks at theirs. As we had to get up early to a) pack for newcastle b) clean my flat as it was a tip and c) get to Rocester to watch the match, it was supposed to be a sensible night in.

I purchased Buckaroo the day before, I think, so we set that up and had a couple of goes with that, John loosing both, then settled down with a bottle of wine, a smile and a glass. I havent watched much of Space Cadets, but did have a chuckle at the end when the revealed that it was all a setup.

We continued watching TV, with QI (first time i've seen that) and then later on, Jimmy Carr live - then wine ended, luckily john had some whisky - to which I nearly slipped into a coma, but managed to crawl back and tuck myself into the covers.

Last Christmas, I give you my ... Stella!

Lastnight was the work Christmas do - and was located in the restaurant in Jeffson's Gardens. I've been there a couple of times with the ex many years ago for lunch etc, so knew roughly what to expect - and knowing what happened last year at the party, its definately interesting. To mix it up a little more, they decided on a fancy dress party with the theme of nationalities - so friends being friends, we made an effort - well, some of it did anyhow!

Rich, so cunning, you could put a tail on him and call him a fox, suggested preparty beers down the jug and jester as a meeting place. So, one quick call later, Comrad Rich, Bellis and Big Bad Bob were on their way to pick me up. Rich made the effort by getting the biggest Russian coat imported from the eastern block, while Bellis and Bob, just couldnt be arsed - so turned up in jeans - and Bellis (old enough to be your father) turned up in his traditional "hip and street" gear.

We sup'd a pint in the Jug - well, Bellis had two in the space we had half of ours, then we were met my the lovely Helen, Lyrical Shamster Fursal and Captain Ireland - Johno. Helen was supposed to be turning up in some kind of kinky leather leiderhose - but "forgot them", Fursal was in some grass skirt type sham, and Johno's attempt involved a St Patrick's Day Guiness Hat.

We moved onto the glass house restaurant where it was complete chaos, and eventually after 25 mins of queuing at the bar, we got drinks - I opted for a bottle of wine to myself, while the others went for lager etc etc. The food service was pretty good, although when the waitress came around with starters and asked who was having what, I announced pretty loudly, that "I was a tart" - when she handed be some stilton and leek tart. Then, when the main meal came around, announcing to the same girl, that "I was a turkey" - you can see what the general jist of the convo for the rest of the night. By the way, yes, I did have the pudding for dessert.

"KGB"

Nomes, Rich and I decided to go wandering between starter and main meal - and had some camera fun in the plant/tree/green area of the restaurant - which just made me laugh even more everytime I thought about it. What made me laugh most of the night, was Rich's piss poor attempt at fake English/Russian accent, which came out Irish - so when he kept on announcing KGB (we had KGB Identification cards) - it sounded like someone from the IRA - then he tried Irish, which then came out Cornish.

Boo Hoo Hoo

This was the basic story of the night - take the piss, get pissed and take photos - then disco time - and they played mostly 80s music. Nomes asked for Gold by Spandau Ballet - which more or less got people up and dancing and having a laugh.

At that point alot of people got very drunk (me included) and this started random ranting of conversations.

Murder in a tree plantation.

Thankfully, the place wasnt just packed full of people from work - there were other parties - however they all turned up in tux, ball gowns and smart gear. So, the chances are, we've ruined their xmas - yay. After a mixture of guiness, rum, wine, beer and lager, the party was in full swing and a number of people went outside for a chat, chinwag, and cool down. One of the lads, Ket, decided to tell us a "short story" which after 25 mins, people were close to ending it all. Last orders was called, at some point, I dont really recall - so we got a quick one in - then made escape plans - there were three groups starting to develop - those who wanted to go home, those who wanted to go clubbing, and those (us) who wanted to go to the Well and stay after hours - which we did. We later found out that no one got into the club, as it was nearly 1am.

Reader's Comrad!

Thankfully to our magic key into the Well, we sat down, chatted, Big Bad Bob and I argued about random shit and Bellis just sat there grinning. There must have been a band there, as all the mic's were still stood there - and they left their sound system plugged in, playing music. I say this, as when "I dont like Monday's" came on, I decided to get up to the mic and mime the words - thinking most people had been kicked out - when, mid performance, I opened my eyes to find 2 people video'ing me with their mobiles and people clapping and cheering. Rich wanted a more somber attempt, so I threw everything I had into the last verse and chorus.

Me, start of the night, sober - not for long.

We got kicked out the Well, Bellis got his traditional Christmas Chips from the chippie, bob squeeked, I was unable to talk, and Rich just abused us all - all a bit like last year, funnily enough. They went their own directions and drank vodka til 4am - where I emailed a friend, entered a compo, stripped off all my uniform at the door and entered a coma.

Anyhow, the rest of the photos can be viewed here - I've still got a hangover and feel crud!

Has Steve Turned to the Church ?

Have you noticed that my bad language has suddenly improved over the last 24 hours - well technically on one blog entry. Its not because its heading towards Christmas, its not because I'm getting older by the day, and heading towards that 31 on a very quick road - its because one of my lovely old neighbours from Newcastle has found me on T'internet, and now going to threaten to tell my mother about this.

Myself and J go back a long time - to when I was living in Winlaton and was one of the few people to support me through uni - and we've kept in touch up until about 3 years ago, when for a number of reasons, we lost contact. By the powers of the mega duplex systematic flash bang wallop highway (aka - Google Search Engine) she decided to read up and email me once again.

Debbie, J is the reason that we drink so much white wine now! She was the first person to put me through the pain of building myself up to white wine all those years ago, although, I think it was Blue Nun or something equally dodgy from the corner shop.

J, if you read this, please remember to flush your Internet Explorer Cache and delete your history - dont want the wrath of the angry bloke

Damn Sister!

You know what its like when you're young. You spend most of your time wishing something to come true, a new toy, a present, your fav friend coming to tea - well this week, I've been completely on edge, waiting (and hoping) for the lovely Sarah to send me a text. Its been 5 days now, so, either its a case she still doesnt have my number, she's playing it ultracool or finally and most probably - she's not interested.

Like I say, I've been on the edge of my seat most of the week, expecting that infamous nokia *BEEP BEEP*. The yesterday afternoon .... *BEEP BEEP* so I rushed to the phone - only to recieve a text message from my sister with a photo of a dog - after 2 mins of swearing and cursing, I calmed down and drank my tea. Today, I was in the office and ... *BEEP BEEP* again, rushing through my bag, another photo from my sister - with a photo of a dog and the words "Hello Uncle Steve, I'm your new Niece".

A dog, today.

My sister is a bit special (abit like me when I'm special and getting into nightclubs for free), and I love her to bits - but starting to get annoyed at her - as its distracting me from the game in hand. I can only assume that in her moments of boredom, she's now gone out and purchased a second dog to take a disliking to me and wants more dogs to growl at me - and make my eyes water! So inconsiderate!

So, to the game.... what do you do ? do you leave it ? do you pop around and say hi again? do you pop an xmas card through the post through the door? do you just hope you bump into her in town ? I've never really been that good with reading the opposite sex on a good day, nevermind when there are so many delta's involved - damn it! why cant things be simple for once!?!

Goldfish Bowl : Official!

I'd arranged to meet Debbie down the gym to do a bit of swimming and see if I can trim up and technically speaking, squeeze into my fancy dress costume trousers. On the way, I went past Headmasters, the hairdressing gaff down the road from me - when I noticed a familiar face sitting down through the window. I pondered outside and tried to rack my brains on who it was - after about 2 mins of walking past looking semi scarily, it twigged - it was one of Sarah's (girl from lastnight) flatmates. I popped in, instantly he remembered me, shook my hand and said that Sarah had spoken about me loads after I'd left - all good you reckon. I asked if he would pass my number on to her, then if she was interested, she could call/text etc etc - he said he would, but was going away with his girlfriend for the weekend.

I made my excuses and went away on my business, and met Debbie in the pool only to find the sauna and jacuzzi closed - so we faffed around in the pool as well as swimming and in no time what so ever, we'd managed 100 lengths - well, Debbie did, I completed around 70.

We headed back to our flats, arranged to meet them around theirs around 7 - to have cocktails that John had promised - was almost like rocket fuel, just a little bit more sour this time - but was still nice. Anyhooooooo, we pottered down to Millenium Curry House, only to bump into the Lovely Sarah's other housemate - so I chinwagged and left him to it - and we had a lush meal.

We ended up the Jug and Jester (Yes, I know ... Shock Horror!) for a bottle of wine, then PFH turned up, and popped around to the Town House for a swift one, before heading back to the Jug where it was a little more quiet this time. After we got thrown out, Debbie appeared to be extremely drunk, suggesting she could walk in a straight line - yet, in reality she was all over the place and ended up two steps to the left, from where she started off.

Nightmare from that point onwards, my front door managed to freeze over, so had to get into John and Debbie's place, then in spiderman style, slowly and easily navigate into my patio. Classy eh?

Steve kisses girls!

Yesterday was a bit of a strange day, for a number of different reasons - mainly in a good way. Some of the details are still a little sketchy, but hey, thats what blogs are for.

Rich and most of his colleagues had an afternoon down the boozer for a bit of an xmas beer session, due to my lunch time football commitment (and technically that was free too) I couldnt attend, and by the time I got back home, I had tonnes of work to do.

Myself, Debbie and John headed up towards the New Windmill Ground to purchase tickets for the boxing day derby game against Racing Club Warwick. Once we got back, I had a call from Rich saying that a number of people were heading towards the Star and Garter and asking if I wanted to meet them there. So, cold and foggy though it was, I agreed and set off up for a 20 minute walk in the cold, got there and found them all half cut and talking rubbish. Numbers started to break off, and at the end, was left up to me and Blunty to keep the drinking up - and we ended up walking to a curry house at 1am after getting chucked out of the Star.

After a further drink while waiting for our take away meal, we parted our seperate ways and I headed down the parade, bumping into Sir Andy of the Well - so we had a chinwag and laugh while he was about to lock the front door. An attractive lass walked up to us both and asked if the pub was still open for beer, to which, Andy asked if she knew me - part flirting, part halfcut, I grinned and said yes, to which Andy invited us in for a free beverage. We got talking, shared my chicken curry with her when "Shit, is that chicken ? oh, I'm a veggie, nevermind" - turns out she lives down the road from me, so offered to walk her back - well, it was cold, dark, and very very foggy.

By the time we got to Millenium/TJs, we ended up snogging and it was very nice too. We continued to talk, hold hands and walk towards Somerfield, when we bumped into her two house mates, where they invited me back to their place for a cup of tea. Ended up snogging a little more, chatting and ended up going home due to it being 3.30am.

Nice lass, wonder if she calls, certainly be interesting (and interested) - however for the time being - still the single life. Fantastic night too.

Football Sham to Football Shamtastic

I'm playing a little bit of blogcatch up here, as its been a little bit of a busy week with one thing and another.

Wednesday night was once again 5aside over in Warwick, this week giving the guys a bit of a free week, due to the amount we have in the kitty. With it getting colder, I wanted to give the rest of the lads a bit of a push and motivation kit to ensure that people turn up. Anyhow, turns out, I had a complete shocker of a game, hitting the target once and fluffing a number of shots.

After the game, I joined John O (Mad Irish man, and massive Man U fan) and Rich down the Well to watch the must win game for them to get through to the next round of the champions league. One of Rich's mates from home was also there - but he was a tad boozed up - and making x rated comments which only a few people can be told the tale, thankfully.

Anyhow, Man U had an even of a worse game than what I did - and ended up loosing, and coming bottom of their mini league - not even making the uefa cup - and costing them an absolute fortune in the process. At that point, John O called it a night, mainly due to the piss take from me and Rich, then Aido left (waking up in the morning on his sofa in a tray full of kebab meat.

Rich and I stayed a little bit later and continued to take the piss out of the remaining man u fans in the pub, then ended up leaving at some point, I think, maybe.

Party Panic!

People who know me ... know that I tend to leave things til the last minute ... it might be buying things (like xmas presents) or making decisions (like going to football games, or watching harry potter) - but I've hit a small issue.

Next Thursday is work's xmas party, fine you may say to yourself (no, say it), however this is a fancy dress party. I've tried to kill two birds with one stone - as John and Debbie are having a new year fancy dress party too, so trying to get one outfit that fills both scenarios - and I know what I want.

The theme to the parties are, Work = Nationalities, and J&Ds = Uniforms, and so far I've managed to get a funky hat - that will remain anonymous apart from a select few viewings, and a belt. I know where to get the bits remaining, however, sadly, not my size, so may have to do some proactive changes. I'm popping over tomorrow afternoon to see if the dude has any new gear in, failing that, I'm going to have to go in tight clothes - and with my body frame - thats never a good thing. Rich, annoyingly, has sorted all but one item out for his, where as captain bluntarian is going to leave it til thursday morning and turn up as the pink panther again. On the plus side, I'm not on the xmas table with mates and some foxy students - purr!

Two ways to beat Newcastle United....

I've been impressed that the Daily Mirror have documented Chelsea's efforts on how to beat a team. The example they used was, sadly, against Newcastle United - where the management team looked at the individuals in Newcastle's team - an example is below - and pulled out their weaknesses and also strengths. Although NUFC held on til half time with a 0-0 scoreline - it was a final score of 3-0 - which shows the complex way of knowing your opposition, inside out.

Original Source : Daily Mirror - Chelsea's tactics

The slightly easier way to beat Newcastle United - place 11, 2nd&3rd stringers/teenagers and people who havent played for 3 months against a 50 million pound squad ie, Wigan

Things I hate ...#1

There are a number of things that piss me off right at this moment, there are alot of people that piss me off right now - all for different reasons - and all at different levels of anger - however, this is the thing that is pissing me off the most.

I bought my faithful kettle when I first moved into my new flat - my first kettle in fact - and I was a little annoyed that it just wouldnt switch off once it reached the boil. So, like all humans, I adapter to the little twat, and made sure I was around for the bubbles coming up - and then proactively switched it off before it over boilded, caused a fire etc etc.

Some people would say, "Young Steve, you should have taken it back to the shop and got it exchanged!" and yes, maybe I should have, but I like my little kettle - mainly because of its quirks. I accepted the fact it was broken, and in exchange, got a lovely piping hot cup of tea - thats life.

However, for some freak force of nature - the damn thing has decided to switch itself off now. You think, lucky Steve, a kettle that was broken, thats now healed itself - NO!!!! What the damn thing does now, is switch itself off half way through boiling - hence Mr Warburton gets semi cold cups of tea in the mornings!

As with the kettle, tempted to exchange it - however, its my first kettle - and I like its little quirks - but hate the fact I get semi warm water out of it!

Do you know the way to the New Windmill Ground ?

We had to look it up on a map - because it really is that long since we've been to a football match - the FA Vase game has been called off twice in a week, but the brakes returned in the Polymac Cup - playing Rocester.

Its been gradually getting colder over the last couple of weeks, so, being a hardened geordie, I've purchased a big coat, thermal leggings, thermal long sleaved top and a hat - which I have to admit, is very toasty when combined.

Once we got there, we enquired about Brakes Fluid - the beer brewed for the club, of which you can purchase a crate of 12 for 24 quid. I wasnt really sure - but at the end of the day, its alcohol, and its for the good of the club - so who am I to be force fed local beverages. The guy give us a nod and a wink and told us to come see him after the game and he would sort us out.

It was indeed a little nippy, however, to cheer me up a little, there was a nice female referee's assistant, who looked a little chilly. Of course, when there are two bloke lino's you dont think much about them, only to abuse them when the decisions are in/correct - but all of a sudden, was flooded with new questions such as;

Do they have special FA underwear they have to wear - or just a bulk standard thong type device?
Do clubs have to offer two changing rooms - just on the off chance that they have a female assistant ?
What her mobile phone number was ...

I personally thought she had a very good game, and not at all biased ... but at least she wasnt cockey like some of the ref's & lino's that I've seen this season. Sadly - didnt find out any of the three questions in my mind - damn it.

The game finished 4-1 in the end, with the Brakes going into the next round of the cup. Once again, I won the "guess the attendance" game - missing out on the total by 9 - which is pretty good going.

Brakes Fluid - Rocket fuel more like!

We picked up our Brakes Fluid after the game, John picked up his DVD of the Colchester game (I'm hoping he's gonna make me a copy) and headed home to warmth. Note to self - purchase some new gloves.

Meanwhile, else where in the Midland Alliance, Boldmere done us a fav by beating Stratford Town (2 points ahead of us in the league) 3-2

Cold Canal....

.... but not frozen over!

Icy Plant looking into the Canal

Cold Canal - View of Bridge

Cold Canal with view of barge and mist thats covered leam for two days

Saturday - Cold! Official

Is it just me, or is there a little bit of a nip in the air ? Just all a little scary really isnt it ? Last week, it was t-shirt weather (well for me anyhow) and now, its like the big freeze. Its well confused my tree and my plants - and looks like its going to kill them badly. My tree, up until Friday still had blossom, now, its covered in ice.

Icy plant, with swan in background - aww

Anyhooo, after last nights happy friday, I woke up at 11:15 - and John had suggested that we were going to leave for Biddulp at 11:30. So, with a hangover, managed to get ready in 10 mins flat - only to have an MSN from Debbie, and a text from John saying the game had been called off due to a frozen pitch. Typical - so decided to head into town after some breakfast, only to find that the whole town was covered in icy mist, got a few random things - including a hat from fatface and a baked potato cooking device - as well as Eutythmics Ultimate Collection & Beastie Boys Solid Gold Hits.

Got back, defrosted and "watched" sky sports centre and the Chelsea v Newcastle result come in - loosing 3-0 - damn cheeky cockney barrow boys!

Anyhoo, I sent Blunty a text to find out if he wanted some beverages and maybe some food - so we arranged to meet in the Jug, where we had a quick one - then shivered towards Millenium where we had a nice meal - although it was a little subzero in the restaurant. Once the meal finished, we hiked up to the Lounge where we indulged in rum based cocktails and thawed out. Strangely enough, when we left the Lounge - it was a lil bit warmed - and the rum based drink must have got into our blood system.

We had a couple in the Well, well, we had a large amount to drink in the Well, and chatted with the locals and barstaff - and it was a little bit too quiet for my liking - maybe it was the weather. I chatted to Neil who was arranging the Rock / Metal night downstairs - and managed to name three tracks in a row taht was being played. He give me a stamp for free entry into the Rock night if we fancied it - borrowed his stamp, stamped my other hand and give Blunty an imprint - incase he wanted to come down.

We moved from Morgan Spiced Rum to Sailor Jerry's rum - on the first taste - Blunty screamed "Its like Christmas, in a drink!!" I asked what he meant, and he listed off about 5 things which are important to Christmas - I tasted it, and yes, its like a Christmas Rush. After 6 more of the Double Christmas drinks - we both turned to each other with blurry eyes and announced that we needed to go our seperate ways and retire to bed. We did that and disappeared into the Winter mist.

I got back home and the two swans were on the canal, so decided to feed them - It was nice, peaceful and calm - cold as the coldest day you can imagine. After giving them a loaf of bread between the two and had a conversation with them, I returned to my flat and entered my rum based coma.

Jacuzzi Experiences

I'm a caring sharing kind of person - and thought I would share my experience with you. Just randomly in the jacuzzi the other day when I placed my stomach over the middle water shoot. I placed my hand on my stomach and it felt like there was nothing there.

I shared this idea with Debbie - and she agrees its certainly an experience to savour.

More random experiences to follow!

Preplanned Happy Friday

Friday returns to us, almost as quickly as I got over last weeks hangover - however this week, we've made a few suggestions of what we'd like to do tonight. I'm meeting Debbie in the gym after work - with a view to at least getting a little bit healthy and balancing the scales of getting ratarsed tonight and trying to get up at a decent time tomorrow.

We're hoping to meet in Lounge for Happy Friday cocktails - all Spiced Rum based of course - then head towards the Leam Bar & Grill - if we dont need a booking.

Then probably head towards The Well or Jug and Jester for a bottle of wine .. mmm!

Luckily John and Debbie are driving to the football tomorrow - so means I can get a little drunk and chill and relax. Hope there is a foxy single lass out there tonight - could do with a lil bit of romance in my life right now.

Tale of two days - and a fine right foot touch

Getting back to the footballing way of thinking, its nice to know after 4 games of a dry footballing spell, I managed to score twice over 2 days - today of all things scoring our team's first goal Shame that we lost something like 9-2 due to shambolic defending and a lad going home because he thought he broke his finger .

Be interesting times of fair weather players, now its getting a little nippy - this time last year, all the students went missing til april, because they couldnt hack the cold weather. GAYS, thats what I say!

Simple words, simple things

It's amazing what a few words can do to pick you up and make you feel better - in the space of 3 days - not only have I been asked out for a drink - and wait for it and be seated - by a ... female. Not only that, but its refreshing to be told that you look nice and you've lost weight. Shame I had to go spoil it all by calling her a wench - whoops.

Where did you get that .. er ... coat!

I dont mind the rain, I dont mind the cold and I certainly dont mind the rain. So much so, that I prefer walking around town in the autumn weather, and most of this stems from my old job in ASDA when I worked in the frozen food department. Walking around town, when its wet and cold is class, mainly because everyone else cant be arsed, or standing in doorways trying to keep out the way - thus, pavements and streets are clear.

Anyhooo, after last Tuesdays Birmingham Cup exploits where I got cold wet and sodden through, I decided to make a decision - to buy a big winter coat, for the first time in 12 years. I wanted to before the Saturday League game at the New Windmill, so popped into town and bought a funky thick coat from GAP.

Its a nice funky 3 way coat - not to say, when you walk, it goes three ways - but you can take the inner layer out and wear either the layer. It also comes with a nice funky furry hood too. Needless to say, after paying alot of money for it, I was disappointed not to get soaked on Saturday and get my money out of it - DAMN YOU MOTHER NATURE!!!

Look to the Darkside

Pretty scary, but I was looking at my phone gallery of photos that I've taken over the last couple of weeks - and we must have been trigger happy lastnight when I found this photo of Blunty - or the emperor from Starwars.

Captain Bluntarian - using the force to get free drinks.

Happy Birthday Jess!

~~ Happy 21st Birthday Jess! ~~

Happy Birthday MC!

I knew it was going to be Chaos from the start, and being with Captain Bluntarian - the leader of Chaos - I knew it was going to get messy. Thats a story for later on, however, myself John, Debbie and virgin brakes attendee, Tom, went to to the New Windmill Ground to watch Leam FC play Quorn. The ground was a little more packed than the last league game we played (around 1924 was the year, I believe) and it was kind of expected after the FA Cup run we had up until last week. The final score was 1-1 and we headed off back to town to catch the England "friendly" against the Argies - only to be disturbed by the Brake's Chairman (Sir Mick) who asked if I could drive out of the exitting queue - and point my headlights into their "electrical garage" where a fuse had gone ... certainly not a Premiership moment - but its always good to help the club out in small ways where possible.

We got back to town and went our seperate ways, knowing it was MC's birthday and arranging to meet blunty - I knew I needed food - so headed to Mamma's for some "easy food" - decided to watch the 2nd half of the England game at home and chill before I went out. After shower, dressed up etc, I met Blunty in the Lounge for a beverage before heading to the Sausage. We noticed some cocktail menu's on the table to which we ordered one - and the one I had was like rocket fuel - so we got another - in between that, Nomes and Andy turned up to meet us.

By the time we got to the Sausage, I already had 3 strong drinks inside me and entered the pub with the widest grin in the world. We continued drinking with the Cuban Rum theme and got a little merrier towards the end (and Tequela), where time flew and we got kicked out. In between, picking up the black straws for the drinks - and we all know what that means - fake microphone headsets, and doormen Blunty and Stefan.

We dithered around outside the sausage for a while, before we hit Robbins Well, where for some reason, I thought if I said to the bar staff, "Did I tell you, You have beautiful eyes?" I would get free drinks. This was the basis for the convo for most of the night, where it turned into, "Did I tell you, your eyes remind me of Hailey's Comet?" and "Did I tell you, your eyes remind me of shooting stars". Somehow, this actually did work - where I came out with vouchers for free "Sailor Jerry's rum". We once again, used our magic key to the Robbins well, and promptly took to the end of the bar, while people were getting chucked out at drinking up time - only to have a chat with the barstaff about the best place to "pull" females.

We came to the conclusion, there are about 3 sets of people in the world - guys who can pull in pubs, supermarkets - or those who just dont try - but sometimes get lucky. The barmaids came to the conclusion that the flower or fresh veg department of the supermarket is the best place to pull - needless to say, I've polished my nectar card and heading up there this week to do some flower and carrot shopping. John, Debbie and Gav left at this point, allowing blunty and I to continue chatting and talking bollocks, allowing me to sing further Jaheebus songs (Michael row the boat to shore, and, He's got the whole world in his hands". Blunty went off to plat table football with someone who looked scary and someone else who looked like Jaheebus, so left him to it, while I contined to woo the barstaff with my "you have pretty eyes, can I have free drinks" chat up line.

Returned home, alone, yet again (awww) around noneo'clock to which, I entered my rum based coma - only to pass loads of people on the streets of Leamington dressed up in school uniforms - so so confusing!

Sign of geting old

You know how it is ... when you were at school, and someone said to you, "the best days of your life are at school" and you chuckled and laughed in their face - and thought, as soon as you get a job, then gooooodbye school. I done that many years ago, now, I feel old and I'm on the other side of the border having gone beyond passport control.

A combination of things have wound me up this week, I dont know if its a case of playing Civ4 til 2 in the morning a couple of nights, or just things have come to a head .. but I really do think, school is a better option. Maybe I should become a teacher or something, but the point is, I'm baby sitting people at work who should know better. I wont mention who I work from, although people from work read this - however, the simple crap you have to deal with, just stresses me out. Dealing with contractors (aka - get paid by the hour and get alot of money, while permies grin and shrug shoulders) who are battling with themselves. Its not an agest thing to say, but im probably the youngest in the team, ish, and the team leader, yet, you have people twice my age minus a couple of years, being so - well, unprofessional.

Needless to say, when Debbie asked if I wanted to go to the gym for a swim and sauna, I jumped at the chance to get out of working - and it happened. Walking up in the rain, I listened to El Presidente - that I bought of Itumes - that I've slowly got into. I done my 15 min run and joined Debbie in the pool. We had a couple of lengths swim and chilled in the sauna and jacuzzi etc - discussed plans for tonight and things - while attractive women came and went.

Anyhooo, Debbie, MC and I arranged to get to TJs for a cocktail at happyhour, while it appears John and "crew" were on an all day session. We had blue lagoons and chinwagged, and then met the rest in Millenium Curry House for a meal, went onto Jug and Jester for a couple of bottles of wine, where we had fun, laughed and talked about the colchester v leamington fc game.

Needless to say, we went our different directions and I came home, drinking MSR...

Special thanks to someone who was there when I needed a reply - thanks!

Josh Blake saved my life!

As Soul to Soul sing ... Back to Life, Back to Reality - and in what better way to return to reality - than high levels of wind, and it raining - quite litterally - cats and dogs. However, thankfully, it didnt "shit it down" as John put it earlier. Yes, for once, The Brakes returned to the Windmill Game, for the first time in - well I cant even remember - and played Solihul in the 3rd Round of the Birmingham Senior Cup. We were all hoping that the heavy defeat against Colchester (9-1) didnt bring the team down.

It was going to be interesting to see how many of the 1200 travelling Leam fans would turn up - even on a cold wet dank November night - and indeed, we guessed, with John picking 250, and I picking 314 - I was 4 out again - yay - and indeed like Rainman.

Anyhooo, by halftime, I was completely drenched through, feeling the jeans sticking to the back of my legs, so by half time and 1-1, we got a hot drink and stood under the roof for the 2nd half. Debbie turned up just after half time and wondered why we were stood there. By that time, my legs had failed to work and I thought I was going to die. Full time was 1-1, so extra time was being called - I was close to loosing the feeling in my eyes and mouth when we were reaching full time of extra time - thankfully Josh Blake (Joshy's Giants) put on in the back of the net, making it 3-2 to the Brakes. Any form of penalties would have taken me towards flatlining - so indeed, the Brakes saved my life and the ability to do my job (DAMN IT!)

I got home, had the hottest shower in the world (Temperature, not due to a woman - because I dont have a girlfriend!!) and switched the heating on - continued Civilization 4 with Rich while supping a hot cup of tea.

Cannonball run :: Colchester -> Leam

Gav kindly gave us a lift to the hotel where I left the car, we said our goodbyes (only to arrange to meet him in Leam next saturday for MCs 30th birthday) and after abusing the hotel's good nature & facilities once again, we were on our way up north. This time, we managed to avoid the M25 and M1 - and went the quicker route - listening to Radio 5 Live and 606 with Alan Green. At one point he started mocking the Leamington game, trying to get people to phone up and explain what went on - then someone did - and they tried explaining to Mr Green that it was indeed a fantastic game, and it didnt matter about the result in the end.

Anyhooo, we made it back into Leam around 8.15pm - so managed to get a Pizza from Mamma's across the road and got showered and changed - ready to meet up with Rich. We ended up going down the Well for a couple of beers to catch up and have a sociable one - where Rich didnt feel too well. Anyhooo, after a bottle and a half of wine later - we retired back to our abodes. Rich must have gone to bed, I continued drinking some beverage (trying to catch up with my lack of) and tried Civilization IV out. I tried version 3 a while back as a demo, and Rich had recommended this as a strategy game - so bought the game before we went to Colchester.

Sticking it on easy level - I managed to get pretty far, although one of the reasons I did get it - was to try the multi-player version and get an alliance together.

Anyhow, a fantastic weekend, lets just hope Chase Town dont get a mauling tomorrow afternoon

The Brakes :: Cup Final

The morning of the big day ... It wasnt down to not being able to sleep through tenstion, mainly because of some high powered industrial lights outside my hotel window. I woke up around 7am to someone sweeping the streets, and somehow - strangely enough, couldnt get back to sleep. I managed to get down to breakfast for around 8am, had more GTA 4 PSP fun - then I was joined by John, then 2 mins later by Debbie. We had our Full English Breakfast* chatted, discussed plans for the day, and headed to get checked out - well, in between watching Dic and Dom in Da Bungalow. First time I've watched this, and it was a complete scream - and I think it might change my view on missing Saturday mornings by default.

We had a wander into town, look around shops and see where we are compared to the ground, it was a little scary running up to the game, as everyone I spoke too, they've been to Colchester and this is my first attempt - even my mum who apparently got lost - somehow. We managed to find a nice looking coffee house, when Gav (a friend who used to live in leam - went to africa, build stuff, then moved back home to essex after giving his job up) called to arrange to meet us to get to the ground.

Strangely enough, this all went to plan, we got to the ground, inbetween getting abusive text messages from students calling me a "gaylord" for being in the Leamington Courier.

I bumped into and said hello to more people at the ground, than I would have in Leam - it was a good laugh - Leam were very vocal from the off - and you reckon, if the sun is in the right direction, the light is looking at the cat correctly, someone bought a box of tic tacs with 2 more tacs than it should and colchester had a bad day - we could get something out of it. We certainly started slowly - and by half time - we were 2-0 down. Leam Fans were still vocal - and way out singing the Colchester fans, regardless of taunts. The Manager, "Caddsy" even waved during his tactic rant when Leam fans were singing, 'Caddsy Caddsy give us a wave' - which in a way - shows that even tho everyone assumed a thumping, its still a family club, and at the end of the day, everyone was expecting a football lesson.

Everytime Colchester scored - Leam Fans came back with the "we're gonna win X - X+1" even wnen it eventually did get to 9-1. We even discussed on the way back that Leam didnt deserve to get beatend 9-1 - I reckon, in my opinion 4-1 would have been a better score line - but listening to 5live - we came to the conclusion if we lost 2-1 - it would have been lost under the media limelight.

Anyhoo - chats of the day

"are you pleased we filled your ground"

"Caddsy Caddsy give us a wave"

"we're all going to Wembley" (after 9-1 and 2 mins of injury time)

"theres only one Bill Bailey" - to the steward who looked a bad version of Bill Bailey

"we're gonna win 10-9"

FA Cup Dream is over ... for this season.!

The Magic of the Cup Roadshow II

Most of this week has been taken up with planning the trip to colchester - and I do have to admit, the excitement has taken over my life. I've been a life long Newcastle fan, yet, for some strange reason, I've never been so excited about a game. The Newcastle v Sunderland game could reach that level - however, its all based on Newcastel winning, Sunderland winning / or getting a draw.

I've always liked the FA cup, the oldest cup competition ever in football, and its good in my opinion to be involved so early in the stages, rather than waiting til the 3rd round when Newcastle get in. I do love my Newcastle related football - when I was working in America in Jan, Rich kindly hooked up his webcam and mic up to his TV and I watched Newcastle v Yeading over MSN - it wasnt good - but it was better than watching baseball - funnily enough.

Anyhooo, back to the story, John and Debbie went to Holbeach last saturday near Lincoln while I was on my flu death bed, and I think they came to the conclusion that my original idea of going down Friday night was a good idea. So come Monday, I booked two rooms at the Riverside Hotel, and we set off approx 4.40pm.

Mainly thanks do some planning arrangements, we arrived in Colchester roughly 4 hours lately, with me a little tired at the wheel. At the hotel, they had two rooms available, one double bedded room, one twin single room - obviously John and Debbie being together, it was suggested they took the double room, and I took the twin room. Once we got checked in, we ended up on one of the main streets heading towards a curry house - having a very tasty meal, beer and wander towards a "themed" pub the other side of the river to the hotel.

Time was pressing on, and I think ALL three of us NEEDED alcohol - so we took to the bar in the "themed" pub of schools. AKA - an excuse for the female barstaff to dress up in school uniforms. We asked when they were gonna call last orders, which turned out to be 11pm - however at around 10:30 stools were being piled and tables were being wiped. At 11pm, you get the distint feeling, that they wanted everyone out - so we give up - and left, me leaving 1/2 a glass of wine - NOOOO!

Not like any normal friday, I was in bed, by 11:45 semi sober ready for sleep - getting text's from my ex - wondering why I look scary in the Leamington Courier's FA Cup Special section.

Played 5 mins of GTA Liberty Stories on the PSP before "trying" to get some sleep - that didnt work