Happy Blogging Birthday

Just been checking my records - and I've been blogging for 1 year now - Happy Birthday YAY.

I've now turned on word verification on my blog too, so I sadly dont get spammed by those people advertising "undifferentiated schizophrenia", "sugar glider picture" and "strawberry wine recipe" - sad tho it is.

Sad Day for Music Everywhere

Well, apparently Junior Blanks are no more - I had an MSN from captain Ant and his band running down the river, that they were calling it a day.

The following link is an advert for free music - although Ant in his own words said there isnt going to be a great demand - lets prove him wrong!

http://www.knuckleheads.co.uk/blanks/

Times are tough, then you die - or score a goal

I'm pleased that when things are down in the dumps - friends support me - and dont turn to the route of all evil, money. Well in an ideal world - that would be *so* lush, however, you havent been out drinking with Rich when his hand is hovering over online betting dot com. Thankfully, I'm no fool * when it comes to being loyal to either mine, or a friends team.

We'd arranged to meeting the Hogs head, mainly due to captain Johno taking some dislike to the Well because of the Guiness Cold tap being shafted - so we moved up town and arranged to meet there. I'd previously met up with the ex for a social coffee & cake, and talked about a few things, omitting some misery on both our parts, and then left at around 3.30pm to meet Johno and Rich. I was a little late, but not too late, but there was Criiicket on, which I've been interested in as a tail end "glory hunter"

Anyhoooo, after missing out on sunday lunch there, and Johno failing to turn up, Rich and I headed back down town, with sweat on our foreheads and a need for drink, and a goal (me in the fav of NUFC). We got to the Well, where they were showing the Criiiicket due to their C4 channel being off the air from a normal TV state - so Sky Sports was being dropped - DAMN THEM!!

We ended up in the Jug, me failing to get Sunday Lunch, and in the process of getting some Bacon, Cheese and Chicken dish, missed the Man U goal, putting us 1-0 behind. Anyhooo, the usual kicked off, and we lost 2-0 and Rich had a bet on NUFC loosing 3-0 to the Manure - not making his day.

Nevermind, the Cricket result came in about 35 mins after the NUFC result - and the England won back the Ashes from the Oz - oh, makes it ALL ok.

Saturday Take Away

Stayed in lastnight, decided to get an early night - but never happened. After Rich took us to see Saharah a couple of months ago, I bought it on DVD as it was a pretty good film, entertaining and easy watching. So after getting my act into gear, having food and poured a glass of white wine - I sat down to watch it. I blinked and it had finished and was around 22:30 - then sat down to watch 50 best sketches on E4 - blinked again and it was 00:30. At that point, I wasnt ready for sleep so had a can of san miguel, followed by a large amount of whisky.

Bumped into Rich on MSN - who must have been having a post-football-badmood, who decided he was gonna take it out of me - for some reason - which is always nice. After 20 minutes of abuse, I decided to call it a day and play SimCity til none o'clock.

The Long and Winding Road to Wembley (or Cardiff)

Being involved in the FA Cup this early in the season was a bit of a novelty, although, give it a couple of years, NUFC might be playing in the cup at this time of year. Leam FC played Sutton Town in the FA Cup Prims and managed to get a crowd of around 530 together - which is pretty impressive. The ground was humming with some kind of hamster smell, which would put a number of people off, but we braved it and the breeze soon stopped and the sun came out.

We took our usual spot on the right wing for the 1st half, having a laugh with the locals and seeing Leam FC disappointed that they couldnt break down Sutton. There was none of the punting it down the channel with someone midfield being able to run onto the wing, beating his man and crossing it - rather frustrating.

Couple of highlight tho, the "Lino" in the first half, next to us - looked like Jimmy Carr - much to our amusement - while running up and down the line, getting abuse from the locals - he just grinned and laughed to himself. Another, two sexy girls, holding hands - mmm - Leam FC, supporting my naughty mind.

After chips and diet coke, I pondered over a Leam FC car sticker/scarf/football - but didnt, then half time and moving further down to take the mic out of their keeper a little more. Another 45 minutes of frustration for the home team, making it 0-0 after full time - taking the game into a replay on Tuesday (I believe). Still an entertaining afternoon - usual chants, luckily no NUFC misery to bring me back down to earth.

BYE THEN FURSAL!!!

Lastnight marked the official leaving of a certain Matt Fursal. He is something between a man in drag, a shaggy dog and a failed Beach Boy - but he's a nice lad. JT cleverly found the slowest restaurant in the world and picked the time when it was the most busy - thus, allowing us to be fed and watered in the record time of about 4 hours. I do like Piccolino's, and after Friday nights experience, I wanted to act quick and put the misery and pain behind me. So, as part of an experiement, I had the same as friday night, to problem determinate what went wrong.

Before hand, I arranged to meet Blunty and Johno in the Jug for a quick one - however they only turned up at 7:25 - when we had to be in the pizza place for 7:30 - nice.

Anyhoooo, we got our food, fursal was made to drink a combination of red wine, white wine, champers, lager - all mixed up in the glass together - in one. We paid the bill of around 120 quid between the 15 or so of us (including sales monkey's, technical gurus (well me and rich) and some of the lovely students (including the lovely, but full of cold, sarah). We then ventured across to the Jug and Jester where someone had the great idea of bunging 10 quid in the kitty if you wanted a drink, and then sitting outside in the cold and rain where the heaters didnt work - nice.

A couple of older students turned up and got boozed up - one of which abusing Johno, which nearly came to blows - I tried to defuse the situation by accidently tripping up and pouring 10cms of Fosters over the back of his tshirt - however, and luckily, it was teflon coated and just ran off. Fursal had more drinks and got wasted, then - thank jesus - Gold by Spandau Ballet came on the PA system - allowing myself and Rich to do a loud X Factor style introduction and getting the rest of the pub involved.

We got kicked out of there (i think) where we decided upon either sugar, the well or rios - rios was decided although Fursal got lost and ended up in sugar (he thinks) and we ended up hooking up with a 2nd IBM leaving do in Rios where most of the management was getting slightly sozzled. One of my old colleagues was in there, and i got talking to her - only for Rich to suggest I was on the "tap" which of course I wasnt.

We stumbled out at about 1:40am, where Rich decided to get a taxi because he was "Si Cald" leaving me to walk home in the summer warmth.

Slept in until 9:15 and felt rubbish - lost my voice and struggled to get milk from Somerfield - and got asked directions to the plumbers, only for the old guy thinking he got directions from Barry White.

Rich has some photos of the night somewhere - a link will appear here shortly.

NUFC - FUCKING SHAM!!

Match day 3 - Scored 0 - conceded 4 - Won 0, Drawn 1 Lost 2. I'm no scare monger - but a) I have shares in Newcastle United PLC, and b) devoted follower of the TOON. Things have gone to far... We should be beating teams like West Ham, Bolton - and we should be doing it well. I'm sorry, but I watched the "season highlights" from last season, and NUFC have top scorers of

• Robert
• Bellamy
• Shearer

in no certain order - yet, we get rid of two of the three, and dont replace them - thats trouble - its no way to manage a team, its no way to run a business and its a sure way to get relegated with massive financial issues. I agree, Souness's buys have been good, YET, we havent replaced the volume of the missing people. I'm sick to the back teeth of us being linked with strikers, not paying what we should, getting the piss taken out of us across europe and coming up with no goods. Fat Freddy said that toon fans should be "suprised" of our transfer activities - yes, I'm surpised, that we havent bought enough to kit a squad for the full season. We've already been knocked out of the Intertoto cup (our only route into Europe), we are hovering over the relegation zone with no goals - thats bad, seriously bad - and needs fixing NOW.

We can't pay for the transfer links we've had in the past - so I'm assuming that we are now going to sell Jenas to Spurs for 8/10 million and use that funding to get a striker (Owen maybe) - YET weaking our midfield - talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Solution is simple, get rid of Souness, get an experienced manager in who can motivate players and tactically play a game of football in.

New Doctor - Old Dog!

Keeping in touch with next seasons Doctor Who news - found a fantastic bit of news to avoid from NUFC / Newcastle United misery. The return of K9 - Tom Bakers best friend - fantastic - by all accounts the production team are trying to bring memory for old - and experience for new Whovian's.


One of my last memories of K9 - was on a dodgy planet where people were killed with some kind of Ribena style marks across the lips. Maybe I had flu or mumps at the time and having visions from a different world. For anyone who wants more info on K9 - the official website has more photos - fantastic

Oh Arr, We Are Leamington Spa

The Brakes were playing over in stratford tonight, and as a continuation to the football themed habits of Canal House, John and Debbie invited me over to the away game. Getting in from Nottingham allowed me to get something to eat quickly, showered and more or less changed as I met them in the street with shoe laces undone and jeans about to fall.

We got to the ground (eventually due to John's "Map in his head" navigation) and it was a little smaller and a little more old school than what the Windmill ground is like - but still nice. It appears that the Brakes continued their Saturday game without thinking, and scored in the 5th minute. I've always thought that away fans are always a little more vocal, coming from someone who attends more away games than I do home games - and they are always more sarcastic and funnier. With chants like;

Shakespeare - he was gay

Oooh arrrr, we are leamington spa

Two nil, or not two nil (when the brakes went 2-0 up)

and strangely enough, the theme to Terry and June also was hummed - which was scary.

One of the funniest comments was from Captain Rich, who claimed that I was glory hunting my local team - just because they've won twice when I've been to see them and comparing them to the Chelsea of none league football.

Anyhooo, the Brakes won 3-1 tonight, taking them to the top of the league, winning all their games this season - COME ON!

No Swearing ? I feel ill !

Being on a customer site for two days does funny things to you, to me, it makes me grow up a little and makes me think about customers being around - and them not wanting to hear me shouting my mouth off with a rant of geordie related abuse. So, after two days of swearing, I feel - well different - and scared.

Interesting chat with someone there, who wants me to do alot of work for them - interesting - but scary - but it is a nice environment to work in - loads of attractive women, relaxed, and they give you free milk for your tea too! lush!

Back to School, Again

I dont mind going to new places, in fact, I quite enjoy going to new places, meeting new people and experiencing different working environments. I was stitched up a right good one by being asked to work in Nottingham - that I didnt mind - I also didnt mind the early start (OK). What I dont like is the you're "back at school style" of introductions.

I reached the office around 10am, after getting lost once, and finding out that the person I was due to meet was taking the day off due to working all weekend. So getting to reception being asked the question of "Who are you supposed to be meeting?" I had to reply "Matt, but he isnt coming in today". After the second question of "Do you anyone else here?" and replying "no, and its Monday, so I'm even more confused" - the receptionist, sexy tho she was, didnt appriciate my sarcastic conversation.

Luckily for me, one of the DBAs I worked with years ago walked in - so I joined him - and true back to school introductions, was shown around by the big boy, shown where the toilets were, the drinks machine - and luckily for me - where the bulk of the attractive women were - purr.

Imagine lunchtime, in a cashless environment - where you cant get a visitors card to put some cash on - and imagine not taking sandwiches - I was starving, but luckily for me, another old colleague of mine was kicking around, so borrowed his for a sandwich and a drink.

I really did feel about 10 year old, trying to work out who the big boys were, who knew the pretty girls and who new the school ground rules - crazy! Tomorrow I will even brush my hair and wear a smart tie

Social Sunday Service

Like time of past, when myself and Een used to go out for sunday beverages, Rich asked if I fancied a couple of pints down the bottom of town to chill and relax. I stated that it could be only two (well, ok, my first offer was only one - then got my arm twisted) - so we decamped to TJs for a read of the sunday papers and relive experiences of the weekend.

Rich ended up in Chesterfield, but got back lunch time sunday, so told stories about his dad getting stotting on local brew, trying to sit on a bed and missing it - and his mum (against the evil poison of satan, alcohol) shouting at his dad - then Rich laughing his head off in the boozer when he was telling me this.

Anyhoo, Stella were doing a promotion that if you buy a pint, you get a beer mat, which when opened up, you either win or loose. If you win, you get a DVD, if you loose, collect 4 loosing tickets and you can rent a free DVD from blockbuster. I lost on the first pint, Rich won - so give me the token as he's already drank himself silly so many times, he has the full DVD collection bar one. The only one in the collection I had was Fight club, and wanted to avoid that and get the Beach or the commitments, of course I get fight club, but the block said he would swap it, getting Fight Club again. After working out out the "dotted combination" on the label, I was able to get the Commitments - which I've always fancied watching.

Onto our second pint, we both win, and the kind bar man (although very very tall) found the missing DVD from Rich's collection in the cellar and gave us one each - and a spanner set (Strange, but true)

Class Roots Football

What better way to spend the weekend, than avoiding your own football misery, by endulging in someone elses misery. Due to the fact I didnt sleep much lastnight - thanks to food poisoning, I wasnt really in the mood to do much, other than lazing around - so it was a welcome suprise when John and Debbie asked if I wanted to join them to stand in the sun and watch Leamington FC (The Brakes)

John and Debbie :- Football Focus Pundits

We got up to the New Windmill ground around 20 mins before kick off, took in the sun, took photos, and had a bit of banter. It was lovely and warm, in contrast to the last time I was there, when it was -342 oC so it was nice to get the arms out - shame I didnt take shorts - but I was still shaking and sounding like Barry White. Last season, Leam FC got promoted and are favs for getting promoted again this season, and you can see that they are serious about it. The fans group have taken over the shop & the catering - thus punting the money back into the team - which is great to see.

Flood Lights - for them cold winter evening matches

Leam kicked off, and after 7 mins, were 2-0 up due to dodgy defending, terrible keeping and the oppositions left back preoccupied with the supports on the touch line and the "lino". He wasnt getting into the game at all, and reminds me about when Newcastle played Boro a couple of seasons ago, where the Toon players spend 90 mins just arguing and talking to the ref about decisions. After about 35 mins, Rocester conceded probably the funniest grass root goal you could see - someone from the Leam right wing, chipped all the defence, the keep takes the ball in his hands and drops it .. complete clanger. Its what all xmas "football blooper" dvd's are about to be fair. The keeper then had the rest of the 1st being abused by the home fans - and their number 3, was still arguing the toss over a foul.

By this time we'd had a portion of chips each and a diet coke - and half time was closing in and was time for the raffle tickets - we didnt win, although its £7.50 a year to become a member of the supports group - bargain, and I'm considering it.

2nd half at the New Wind Mill ground

'Keep

One of the funniest football one liners I've heard for a long time was when the away keeper was about to take a free kick from just outside his box, the ref shouts over, "Keeps, hold on to the ball for a minute will you!?". To which the keep (already having a shocking game) shouts back, "That would be a fucking first" - wearing a cheeky little grin. He got a good round of aplause from home and away supports - which didnt stop him conceding another goal in the last minutes of the 2nd half to make it 4-0 after full time.

On the way back, John and Debbie took me on a magical mystical tour of where they used to live, and a trip to ASDA - which I found amusing (being an ex-employee of ASDA) and bought 35 quids worth of random stuff - including lightbulbs, DVD disks, popcorn flavoured milk and nutella - mm Nutella (tm)

Not so Happy Friday

The usual friday tradition kicked off when I suggested to John and Debbie that we went for a Pizza and a quiet drink, before getting an early night. Being stitched up with potentially 5 days in Nottingham is not something I was really banking on to be honest - but its happened, just would have liked a bit more support behind me.

We ended up going out the bottom of town, where I had one of my fav starters (Garlic bread with cheese), one of my fav drinks (Peroni) in a proper glass, following by my fav Pizza. After finishing the Pizza, I knew that something was up - but just couldnt put my finger on it - and in reality, I should have just knocked the nail on the head and went home to chill. We ended up in the Jug for a bottle of wine between us, then a 2nd, then eventually a 3rd - and I felt fine - a little drunk, but fine - then we headed home around 11pm - an early night.

When I did get home, I went to bed, feeling a bit shocking, then couldnt sleep, after getting up and watching TV and drinking loads of water, I got even worse and headed to the bathroom to be yucky. This made me feel a little better, but was so hot - so opened the window - and collapsed into some kind of coma - I'm assuming. Nice, might have to cancel that test drive in the morning!

Goodbye, already ?

Thanks to an early night lastnight, myself and Pip were able to have an early wander around Leam town centre in the lovely warm sun before she set off back to Newcastle for around 14:30. We popped into Fat Face again, while Pippa looked at the sales gear yet again, and I picked up two pairs of fat face socks for 3 quid - fantastic! I bought the new Supergrass album, however on attempting to play it, it appears that the surface is knackered due to it being cut incorrectly - so need to take that back in.

We ended up in the Slug and Lettuce for some early lunch, which was nice - able to chill while reading the morning papers while sipping coca cola (tm). While waiting for food, I had a nice call from work, with a few issues, so talked to my deputy about that, then told him I would call him when I got back home and set Pippa on the train.

We returned back to my flat, while Pippa decided to rearrange more glasses, hide cups and put random stuff where the cups and glasses were - I've still lost half of my plates - god knows where they are. She continued to talk to the ducks, wave at the barges and want to pick up the swans (until they started kissing and she ran off) - then pottered down to the station to send her on her way.

A nice long weekend of relaxing and chilling - its strange, I've kept in touch with people who want to keep in touch and vice versa - many people have lost contact for one reason or another. Who knows what the future brings with friends, its a strange old system, but I really do hope Pippa does go back not taking any notice of what Rich told her. She also left the 1664 Blanc glass behind - and all that effort to steal it from Satchwells - lovely!

Supermarket Sweep!

Lastnight, I managed to successfully break myself, so much so that popping to the local shop to get some milk hurt - and trying to avoid anyone I knew, mainly due to my state was impossible, as I bumped into Next Door John. Always great to see and speak to him, but when you're about to be violently sick in the middle of the street - not always a good view.

Anyhoo, after getting showered and making myself and Pip a cup of tea, we get to the train station, hopping onto a train into Brum to do a bit of retail therapy. We ended up in the Bull Ring and flounced around alot, popping into the Apple store, pondering a purchase of remote control headphones - but decided against it. We got to selfridges and split up, Pip looking at girlie stuff, me looking at blokes stuff - and within nano seconds, I picked up enough clothing to cost around 250 quid - minimum, but after trying on some, decided against some of it. Picking up new Ted Baker tshirts is one of my hobbies - but cant help it, I just like the clothing - and at that point bumped into Pip again, who was holding a pen worth 2quid or something.

We wandered downstairs to the food emporium, where my stomach turned when we went past Ant Pepper, Scorpion in Wine and Wasps in Honey. Luckily for me, the Verve Cliquot stand was pretty close so I chuckled to myself to try getting the previous images out of my head. Just before lunch, I picked up another tshirt and Philippa drooled over shoes - then we headed to somewhere that reminded me of home - Greggs! I remember going to the Newcastle United matches, warming myself up on sausage rolls to keep me alive for the duration of the game - mmm.

Managed to find a magazine rack that I liked - I've been after one, well two, for about 4 months - but dont like the basket style ones - but prefer the "X" style ones - picked up two in Muji for 15 quid each - simple, but looks tidier and fab!

We had a wander around house of frazer, purchased a couple of nifty items, then about to head towards the station when we pasted O'Neils surf shop - Philippa picking up a couple of tshirts and a pair of socks - me picking up a bargain in a jacket type top. It said 65 quid on the label, which kinda put me off - but thought, what the hell, so decided to take it - nice to get to the till and them asking for 40 quid, then on the way out, setting off all the security alarms.

When we got back, we were both in no fit state to go out, so we ordered in dominos pizza, had the remaining glasses of wine that we had left - then chilled out in front of TV - to which I ended up leaving Pip to sleep and get an early night - rock and roll at 30 hey ? Enjoyable day, really liked it, spent a fortune & had a scream.

Happy Birthday Blunty!

After dropping Philippa back off at my gaff, I hooked up with Headworth and Blunt (both in best suits) at Bar 44 in Leamington where JT was having his son's Christening. He was already a little worse for wear, but Rich and Blunty looked semi OK - considering they started drinking at midday. So kindly accepting one of my "two quiet beverages" we watched the cricket on the back wall - I never really got on with cricket, mainly because I never followed it at school/uni and dont really know all the rules. After my second of my "two quiet beverages" there was talk of just heading home and calling it a day, but you could see the glint in Blunty's eyes to suggest otherwise.

We ended up in Satchwells to try out some of the Kronenbourg Blanc (KB) that Rich has been harping on about for weeks - Pippa said she would take me - but as you know from the previous story - she is currently in a boozed up state on my sofa. So, I get one of these, while the lads get their own drinks and we sit down. Good thing about Sundays in Satchwells - its not full of chavs, drunken idiots or prozzie's - so we were able to chat and chill a little. Rich was piping on about how he was going to go home and have an early one - but we knew it would never happen, so after a couple of minutes checking out where the security cameras were, I asked blunty to shove the KB glass in his jacket, as I knew Philippa would like it as a present.

We head on down to the Well, all now a little light headed, only to be comfronted by the Quiz - both myself and Rich licked our lips - but restrained from taking part - only suggesting to one of our old team mates that we would help out if and when we good. Rory was kind enough to take my request up of singing happy birthday to Blunty in the Well, where he was a little shocked that everyone started to sing it - Rich ensuring he is nowhere to be blamed for this. We continued with the lager, then onto the shots with the quiz still on going and it was getting tight, but with the new General Knowledge Monkey, Blunty, and Musical & Sport Guru's of Steve and Rich, they managed to get the prize money and tickets to the Apollo Cinema - we didnt get to see any of this.

We were a little drunk at this point, but continued to hear some of the Acoustic night, only for Blunty to ask if we fancied a curry. Rich passed, but I said I would, as I was hungry, and I would take some back for Philippa so she wasnt sharving to death. Rich passed and said he would stay to finish his drinks. At this point, myself and Blunty had swapped some clothes around, somehow, where I was wearing his tie and jacket and he was in just a white shirt. We also managed to gain a straw each, only to wear them like "bouncer" mic's so on the way out, I somehow worked out it would be funny to ID everyone coming in, and wishing everyone on the way out a good night. I thought I was doing a fantastic job to be honest, although the "friendliest bouncer in the world was shaking his head and muttering under his breath "Ignore him, please". Rich walked out looking somewhat confused at the situation, walked off in the direction of his home, shaking his head. To which, myself and Blunty, straws intact, went for a curry ordering three meals - one to take out for the lovely Peej.

We had a nice chinwag, nice meal and some dodgy drinks - and thankfully I was wearing Blunty's jacket, coz he got his white shirt covered in Curry. We asked for the bill, only for Blunty to wave his credit card at the waiter and getting "Sorry sir, cash or cheque only here". Luckily, I had enough to foot the bill, and stole his jacket as down payment. We bid each other good night and staggered off in opposite directions.

On returning to my gaff, all the lights were out, so silently (Warning :- might have sounded like an elephant) crept into the flat, trying not to wake Pippa up. Of course, she awoke, to me announcing that I had her curry, and a suprise. She kinda twisted her nose in displeasure at me and asked what curry I had for her, to which I replied "some chicken stuff" - again, a nose twisting look which just says "Pissed off, need sleep, go away". Trying to make things better, I tell her I got her a glass, imagining she would be dead happy - of course, this got a nose twisting look as well - so write the night off by trying to get into bed. Then, "You didnt go out with a jacket on did you? and where did you get that tie from? and why on god's earth do you have a straw in your ear?!?"

Bad news, you can just imagine Philippa's perception of me has completely changed .. To Bed!

The Season Starts HERE!

I prepared some breakfast for myself and Pippa, she wasnt looking in a good state at all, so I thought I would just leave her to it, but make sure she had everything she needed - I'm that kind of a friend. We were heading towards noon and knowing that Newcastle United's first game of the season was against Arsenal and was on Sky Sports, this was a great way to spend a lazy Sunday - down the Pub.

Heading towards 1pm, it became apparent, that I was to blame for "breaking Philippa" lastnight for all the booze that she recieved. It was also my fault that she developed crazy red eye, and also my fault she hadnt packed her black and white top so she could support the toon. Anyhoo, after almost minutes of convincing her that the pub was the only answer, she gets showered and we ponder down to the Well, both a little hungry. We litterally got there when they opened the doors, however, food would take about 75 mins, so we pulled up the best seats in the house (covered in crumbs and lager from lastnight) and settled into the game. Initial thoughts were that we were playing well, too well in fact, in fact, reminds me of the Keegan era, where all the players pulled together and helped each other out. We had a strong defence, strong midfield, however lack of attack up front - i'm sure this will be resolved by the close of the transfer window.

One of the lasses behind the bar commented when I ordered the food at half time, that I'm such a lovely bloke when I'm sober, but become a bit of a piss taker when I've had a couple. She also suggested that I try using my baby blue eyes and blond hair innocent trick when I'm a little drunk - DAMN! FOUND OUT AT LAST!!!!!

Towards the end of the game, where we fell foul to bad refereeing decisions, I recieved a text from Rich (who was out with Blunty, at JT's son's christening) asking me if Philippa and I wanted to go for a couple of beers to say congrates to JT, and wish Blunty a Happy Birthday. I mentioned this to Philippa, who turned green slightly and said "Need Bed" - only fair to someone who is "Broken"

Old friends meet new friends

After cooking Steak, new roasted potatos and veg, and downing nearly a full bottle of wine each, we mulled over the hugh amount of options that we had. Blunty was having a birthday bash over in Kenilworth, we'd already been invited out to a few parties in Leam and based on the fact that I had already been drenched once today, Pip was getting knackered from her trip down and Leamington was closer, we had to sadly rearrange a beer session with Blunster.

I gave Rich a call to find out what he was up too, so we agreed we would have a quiet one and then have an early one .. depending on what was happening and who we saw in town. So, if by magic, we ended up in the Well, me drinking Carling, Pip and Rich drinking Stella. Now, Philippa (Peej) has already told me in the past that Stella makes her mental - so suggested this - and got one of her stares. In fact, I suggested it a number of times during the night, but just got "the" stare back - so thought to myself, you've done what you can to help a friend out. After at least 4 more stella's, Philippa was looking a little worse for wear, based on the fact, me and Rich were now on shorts - and already up to this point, Rich was stitching me up with one of my best and oldest friends with comments like "Yes, Steve likes girls with big breasts, what do you think to that Philippa". Of course, there was nowt I could do or say, as my perception was being moulded for me.

At the point where Peej had her head on the bar with her eyes closed, only to wake up, dance for 2 seconds and then return back to her bar-slumber, we thought it best to call it a night - and it was technically 1am. On the way back, Peej was threatening to hit Rich, so he done some fancy jig to get out of the way, only to walk into them metal knee high boxes on the shop walls, doing heft damanage.

Getting back was OK, getting Peej sorted and getting her off to sleep was another - after an argument of where who was sleeping who, waving her fists, I was told (by a mentalist drunk woman) I would have the bed, she would have the sofa. 20 mins later, I see a shadow in the dark, grumbling, so assume she's had enough and wants to share the bed. No no no no, this is Philippa sleep walking, walking into my computer desk, swearing under her sleepy breath and then heading to the toilet. I thought she had headed to the toilet to pray to the god of all toilet waters, so decided to give her a little time. After 20 mins, I decided to make sure she was OK, only to knock on the door, the door opening with Philippa asking what I wanted - to which she returned to bed.

Friends re-united!

Lastnight, I decided to be responsible - I stayed in and cleaned my place up, mop the floor, put the hover over and ensure the place looked spick and span for the visit of Lovely Philippa. We've been friends for yonks, and have alot of respect for her - but she did go on about how messy my place was the last time she came down - so I made a special effort.

Anyhooo, it got to around 8pm lastnight and Debbie MSN'd me, asking if I wanted to order anything from Dominoes Pizza, as they were about too - sounded like a plan, so agreed and asked for some potato wedges and a medium sized pepperoni pizza. 30 or so minutes later - covered in dust and sweat, the pizzas turned up - where Debbie announced that they had an offer on for 2p more than what I wanted, and this came with Garlic Pizza Bread, Potato Wedges, Pizza and Diet coke. I can put away pizza's and food - but I struggled - so sat down with a coke, then followed by a can of Stella and watched the final to Big Brother.

Anyhooo, going on a tangent slightly, Philippa turns up at the station at around 12:37 this afternoon, the rain chucks it down - just like the last time she came down, so announcing she was hungry, we dropped her bags off. Thinking she would be pretty impressed with the way my place had been cleaned up - she tutted in her usual way, moaned about how she would need to spend hours cleaning my place up and why cant boys clean. Really!!?!??? I was gobbed smacked - although I do believe she only does it to wind me up, she basically pulled apart the flat, then hrm'd and har'd a little more before stating she needed food before she ate her bag.

Worst news EVER!! We got to the Hogs Head (now the Old Butchers - but it just seems wrong) where the Everton - Man U game was on - a little busy but we still managed to get a seat. Keely was there, I'm assuming with her bloke while Jack and Stevie R were there watching the game seperately, so said a quick hello. Anyhow, the bad news - the Hogs Head, have stopped, selling, HOT BEEF SANDWICHES. After promising Pippa the best sandwich she would ever have - I was gutted, almost close to tears others would say.

So, walking around town in the pouring rain, Philippa would constantly remind me that I wasnt wearing a big coat, nor did I have an umbrella - and should buy a "packamac" or an umbrella. Instead, I bought a pair of puma trainers, a magazine and she bought some jeans from FatFace (surfing shop - not a shop for people with fat faces). We got some food to settle down and have a quiet night, sadly having to reject Captain Blunty's kind offer to go to Kenilworth for a boozy session.

Still in tears about the Hot Beef Sandwiches :o( Philippa is watching James Bond, while I slave over a hot stove.

Dalek from the Stella System

After lastnights socialable session, my head was slamming from early on this morning. So much so I must have woke up around 4am, still pretty drunk, not knowing where I really was. Made things a little difficult to navigate when I had both my eyes closed ( I assume ) and navigating from my bed, half way across the room, then getting lost in the midst of my sham. I decided at that point in my drunken haze, I might have a sleep in - after all, long weekend, why not start on the Friday. Of course, my alarm went off at 8:45, so I snoozed, eventually resetting it to 9:15 - and rolled over - then shot up in my bed - remembering I had arranged a 09:00 meeting to resolve some issues - the time was 09:10 already - so having to apologise when I get on the call, people ask how sorry I was. "So sorry, my head was hurting" was the only witty comment I could come up with.

Rich and Blunty agreed to meet in town to sort out JT's Kid's Christening Present (Teddy) - so I said I would put some money in - after all, JT is a very generous man, and has invited me out for plenty of customer nights out - even tho I dont support his customers, well really anyhow. So after shamming around in Satchwells for an hour with lunch and the likes - we discovered that we were talking about old computers - BBC Model B, RM Nimbus, C64 (Rich is the Daddy of retro consoles - apparently) - then Rich annouces that when he woke up this morning, his internet browser was pointed at ebay, and searching for retro consoles - god knows what he actually bought.

On the way into town, I thought I would pop by a shop that I found the other weekend - which sells retro toys. I had noticed a number of Dr Who products - the likes of mini sets, a talking K9 and Tom Baker - and the best thing in the world so far - a clockwork Dalek...

Exterminate! Escalate!!

Then came the most painful 45 mins of my life - choosing a card and a present for the Christening - I thought I was pretty nifty at buying cards - but, for some reason every card I picked up, appeared to be "Gay" or "Bent" so we ended up with something from the 1870s. We managed to get some gift vouchers from Early Learning Centre, to which the comedy threesome took the piss out of the assistant and the music playing in the background. When Bob the Builder came on - Rich announces to the already blushing assistant - "You want to put some ACDC on love" - just strange, dont know where his mind is sometime - well actually I do - and its not good.

Because we didnt have a pen to write the card, the ratecard terrorist called Blunty decided HSBC was the answer and we borrowed the pen that you use to fill out the paying ins etc - much to the delight of the bank employees and customers.

Sadly I cant make the event, as I have Philippa in tow - in a good way - and of course, its Newcastle's first game of the season, playing the Arsenal - with no strike force, gaps all of the team, I'm sure its going to be an eventful fun packed game.

Got to catch 'em all - I Booze you Pikachu!

A stressful week, is putting it mildly - so it was nice to get out with Capitanyos Rich and Chief Chirpa Blunty and have a sociable drink. We popped up to the Lounge at around 21:30, and had a couple of pints, then a wander down to the Well, where apart from the live band playing at a massive volume - so we quickly drank up and popped over to The Jug for a sociable quiet drink. Rich then announced that he was heading off for an early night, so myself and Blunty continued talking about random and indepth stuff. Everything from BBC Model B computers, feelings to lasses, Morgan Spiced Rum and god knows what else.

We bumped into an old fling of mine from about 2 or 3 years ago, with one of the lads from work - she looked pretty fit, but certainly wouldnt go there again and to be honest, I doubt if she would be interested again.

Pika Pika!

Anyhoo, after chucking out time, we used the magical key to the Well again, where it was a little more quieter, and a little cooler - so we sat there, sipping Morgan Spiced Rum, chin wagging and trying not to wind up Larry, but also trying to make her grin - never works - ever.

Nearly time for Philippa - should have really spent the night clearing up, rather than getting boozed up - whoops.

Planes Trains and Automobiles

Wednesday again, and yet again, after a crap day at work - I decided to change my habits. When I dont have access to John and Debbie's lovely Seat "Sophie" I tend to get the 66 Bus into the bottom end of Warwick and walk up. Its not that far, prob about 10 min walk - but the same week in, week out. So weighing up my options, I decided to either walk over (40 min walk) or get the train in from around the corner. After research, it only takes a 4 min train journey over into Warwick - so thought it was idea - with also the added bonus of - being on a train.

Expecting the price to be around the same as the 66 (around £1.70 single) - I was pleasantly suprised to find out that a one way ticket cost 80p - lovely. The only slight knock back was the train in front was late, so therefore the knock on effect happened - but no matter, 4 mins up the road, I was off and paying for the pitch. Although, I forgot my football boots, so thankfully, I borrowed Paul's spare pair of trainers.

After running around the hummid pitch for 90 mins, I felt something funny in my foot - when I got back, found a burst blister on my food - risking my thursday lunch time football tomorrow. Rather a poor excuse for a game for us, although I missed about 3 goals, scored one, set a couple up and accidentl scored an owngoal due to my velocity - roll on tomorrow.

The Canal ... Tonight

While trying to tidy my place up, ready for the visit of Pippa, I found my Sony Cybershot digital camera and decided to have a mess around with it - and show people from afar, where I live and what fantastic view I get on a daily basis (excluding when chavs throw eggs at my windows, drunk louts throw cans into the canal and chavs on monkeybikes drive up and down)

The Canal Humpyback Bridge.

The Grand Union Restaurant

Barges in the sunset.

Strange Mood, Bad Mood, Foul Mood

I woke up in a bit of a foul mood, I dont know why, maybe I knew it was going to be a crap day/week with work before I even logged in. Maybe it was because my laptop was so slow, I couldnt even login, before I knew the week was going to be crap. Maybe it was because I stupidly stayed up and watched the remaining episodes of Scrubs (we're talking about 2 hours here) and didnt get to sleep til around 1:45. Maybe it was because someone decided to text me at 00:59 to "talk" before she leaves to go back up north.

In reality it was probably all of them and the added bonus of another reorg at work, so if anyone *did* understand who was in charge - they certainly dont now, and if anyone did have any resource, it will be stretched even further than normal so everyone *will* have a headache by friday.

Sometimes I dont really know what I do wrong, after a couple of pep talks from Doctor Love, Rich, it appears I get attracted to the wrong type of women, and need to focus on the right ones. To be honest, getting one to stay interested for more than 2 weeks, without her mentalist ex would be a great start, but dont hold out - too - much hope for that. For example, you stay clear because its best for yourself and best for her, all that has been said, has been said - no more, nothing - so why bother ? My mother is a massive believer in fate, I think sometimes its true - mainly when I feel like it.

I guess seeing the ex on Wednesday night helped sooth some of the stress I was going thru, just seeing her and seeing her safe and "well" was a massive relief. Knowing that she's got to go thru alot of crap when many of the industices in life carry on regardless screws my head up. I took her around my Magic Numbers CD for her to listen too when she was trying to chill and going down to cornwall and then she tried talking me into going to Yoga and Sports Therapy for breathing correctly. Guess she still has that dark sense of humour, knowing I wont do it, but she'll nag anyhow. I'm not a control freak in any terms, but like to understand and be in control of situations, and it just worries me that I cant do anything, other than be there for her if she needs anything, it also worries me that she might not want me to be there to help, even if I could or be supportive.

All scary, at the end of the day - sorry for the rant!

Millenium-ummy - MMM

John and Debbie wanted to have a welcome home meal, so how else can you celebrate the day of rest, and your first couple of hours back, than down the Curry House. We met Tomsk and Abbi down the Jug, had a pint then went to Millenium for a spot of food and some beverages. I of course, decided to drink health drinks *.

After some banter, tales from afar and more health drinks * - John, Debbie and I decided to have a couple more pints, while Tom and Abbi left to tend to their rather large puppy before it ate their house and street.

All in all, I've come to the conclusion, John and Debbie visited;

• A rather large waterfall that borders America and Canada - which I'd never heard of
• A mount with faces of famous presidents
• Lots of petrol stations to find the craziest fizzy drink product

After much fun and laughter (mainly at my expence) we returned to the Canal House Residence, parted our ways and retired to chill. A very nice night out, very relaxing and and lush company on a lovely Sunday Night

TAXI!!!

After the lastnight's "couple of beers" I felt completely rank this morning at 10am when the alarm went off. Part of me wanted to fall asleep for 2 hours, part of me wanted to be sick alot just to get rid of the pain I was suffering with. Then I remembered, 5 glasses of wine and 2 x MSRs on an empty stpmach is never a good thing - ever. After a shower and some water, I felt a little better, not very much tho, so set off on the trip down to Heathrow. I popped into sainsbury's petrol station to ensure that I had enough petrol and then hand it back over to John and Debbie, but after 5 mins faffing around with the car nozzle I was getting paranoid that people were laughing, worst of all, my character assisin was working there and having more of a laugh than anyone.

After filling Sophie up (my pet name the the Seat Ibizia) I hit the M40 - constantly looking at the time. I'd checked the T'internet before I left to see what time their plane landed and it was around 11:35 - so needed to get a move on, slightly tonking it down the motorway. Luckily getting there as their status on the CRT monitors changed to "Baggage Collection". Both John and Debbie and a fragrent smell about them, and both looks a little bright and breezy (damn them) - so we got them back in the car and I drove back towards home, stopping off at Maccy D's for a burger (Debbie's request - honest) and then give them a hand to get their baggage into their gaff.

In return, I recieved a lovely 1 litre bottle of Original Morgan Spiced Rum, some Coke Zero (scared me) and then 3 Dr Who books that they found in "the biggest book shop in the northern hemasphere and that is populated with 20% badgers, and also sells used books" or something - so that was an added bonus. Kinda puts my present to them of Vodka Raspberry Twist and Feta Cheese to shame - but hey, all goes the same way, well apart from the books, obviously.

BYE THEN ... VICKY!

I popped into the office yesterday, partly to do some techie work in the machine room, and mainly to wave the lovely Donny Bird that is called Victoria. Plan was to hit the Cape Room around midday, have some food a couple of pints and present her with a gift, then bugger off home. Basically, thats what really happened, after a couple of diet cokes and my bacon sandwich - and lots of banter, one of the questions was "What is your best memory of this year, Vicky?"

Of course, being a typical Donny bird, 9 out of the 10 memories involved her being completely squiffy down the boozer and being labelled "chinese girl", for having the ability to down about 6 full plates of chinese buffet AND still being so slim. She was presented with a pink mini ipod, we clapped, the end. Bye Vicky, you're a lovely lass and will be missed - make sure you get your ass over here come out on the booze with us!

We asked her to come over to Leam, but sadly she had some plans, so arranged to meet up with Captain Rich and Admiral Blunty (he doesnt like being called Cabin Boy - dont know why?!) later on in town. I left Rich in the boozer and walked back with Blunty suggesting that if Rich wanted a lift, I would be leaving pretty shortly after I've done some work. After walking out the door at 3pm - I felt the stress and frustration just float away ... nice feeling to have once in a while.

Met Rich and strolled down to the Well, which was pretty quiet, but nice quiet, had a couple of beers, chatted with the bar staff then recieved a text from Blunty saying he was on his way, with Tobes, and Jamie. The three of them turned up looking alittle mortal, which we laughed and continued to drink - nice chilled night, not a heavy session at all, so I was back for midnight and caught up with some sleep.

This morning :- Banging headache! Also a Scooby Doo nutella empty glass which I use for shots and spirits, smells of strong MSR - that'll be why.

The girl is back in town! well, nearly

Do you fear the reaper ? if you do, then I would stay very very clear of Leamington Spa, next weekend and Monday and Tuesday. One of my dear old friends from "T'up North" is coming down to visit, and due to alcohol, shop-rage and hormones, she often gets into bad moods and "fleps" at people. Dear tho she is, even I am scared of her - but I hope to offer her enough chocolate to calm her down, and then let her loose in the Bull Ring on our annual shopathon.

The Bag Lady Of Leamington : Pippa

Of course, that really isnt Pippa in the photo, she is sweet, and very attractive, but we'll keep that away from her while she's down, coz I do fear for my unmentionables. So far she has a plan of what she would like to do :-

• Drink Booze
• Have a BBQ
• See the Swans
• Clean My Kitchen (yeah, I know)
• Watch Arsenal -v- Newcastle
• Buy me loads of Ted Baker clothing (I made that up)
• Go to Fatface
• Abuse Rich (not really, I dont think)
• Abuse alot of people who have crossed me since the last time she was down.

So far, we've had invites to about 3 birthday nights out, BBQs and Christenings etc - One weekend of fun packed enjoyment - and with the added bonus of 2 days off from work.

Don't know a good thing when you've got it!

If you read the sports pages in the papers, some things you tend to take for granted as a tabloid story which has been made up for a laugh, some you worry that could impact your club, then others that appear to spiral into effect that could and will become true. I'm starting to get worried about the Jermaine Jenas (JJ) is about to walk out on Newcastle United. Claims that he's living in a goldfish bowl (something I can relate too - but wish I was getting paid 40K+ a week for it) and trying to plug himself a move out of Tyneside down south, or to Man U.

JJ - Holding his breath in the goldfish bowl - yesterday.

There are supposed to be 4 clubs interested in him ... Middlesboro - why ? Spurs - er WHY ? talk about a backwards step, Man U and Arsenal - as per the norm and you have to expect a player of JJs ability to have a head turn when these clubs are interested. What I cant understand is why do this to a club a week before the premiership is about to start. Its not like we have enough problems to look at, Souness for one, without someone trying to engineer a way out - esp when he is a player that the team is being built around. Lets just hope the club stick out and talk him into staying, and lets face it, if he is in a goldfish bowl, he'll forget within 3 seconds that he wants to leave.

Maybe not the balls, but certainly the guts

I arranged to play football at lunch time, the 2nd time in 36 hours - and its a different pace of game - or so it was last time I played Thursday Lunchtime. For most IBMers, lunch is either canteen, the pub (The Cape) or in most cases in this day and age, working - so its a nice welcoming break to get out and get some fresh air, and technicaly weeze alot. The last time, it was a good mixture of oldish and youngish people, fast and slow, good and bad - so you knew roughly who you could take on. Today was slightly different - there were alot of young lads, lads who turn up to Wednesday nights for my game, so you know they are well good. Someone decided to split people up as Students -vs- The Rest, aka, the young kids who have skill, and the croanies who dont have skill and pace. After about 10 mins, it because apparent that the students either a) couldnt be arsed or b) werent actually that good together and c) we gel'd well together.

Needless to say, I was running down the left wing, while one of the lads was running down the right, completely unselfishly, passed the ball across the park, but with a little height - bounched off my stomach, into the back of the net. I couldnt stop laughing, well apart from the fact I was winded for 2 mins, but we continued from then on - going up to 4-0 - when they scored, and everyone assumed it was gonna be the calm before the storm, however we continued to score - taking us up to 8-1 when the students couldnt walk any longer. I managed to get two, setting up a number and unlucky to get my hatrick.

Got back home - found a postcard in the post from John and Debbie on their jollydays - with a rather interesting bit of masking tape on the front with pen marks - interested into finding what thats all about - but looks a little like this :-

Some things in life are free....

... Well you would think .... wouldnt you ? Certainly wasnt a free afternoon, it certainly wasnt a free shot on target, it certainly wasnt trying to help the ex out in a traumatic spot that shes in - and it certainly wasnt that bottle of wine I drank while I watched NUFC being pulled apart in the Intertoto Cup. Honestly - the facts are ;

1. You cant sell / loan loads of players out of the club, and not buy the same amount, if not a) better, b) the same level of ability - and expect to get somewhere. Yes we've got Parker and Emre - but lost Bellamy, Robert and 2/3 GOOD defenders
2. You cannot do business on probably the biggest day of the season so far (yes, match day 4) - couldnt you wait til the weekend to do the loan deal with Butt ???
3. The way we are - and solid fact - we woll not progress in the table - and the board and manager has to accept that
4. You dont pull apart a team and expect results (i could be proved wrong here - with a bit of luck) - you replace people and gently introduce them to the fold. You cant expect Parker and Emre - to replace Bellamy/Butt/Robert in one day - but you cant expect them to perform miracles!

So after a 2nd half of misery! and having to pay for a bottle of wine at the correct - I decided I needed some food. I previously played football and went around the ex to ensure she was ok - or if I could do anything to help (something of which has left me eating away for 2 weeks - and now a little relief off my shoulders) - in between being *shoved* off the ball and landing on the base of my spine and knacking my arm up with astro-turf burns.

Anyhoo, what did I get free? Garlic Naan Bread - Buy one, get one free! fantastic - no the size of Canada! MM - Canada!

3 : The Magic Number

When I had a wander around town the other day, I made a number of purchases to entertain my wandering mind. Sir Bobby Robson's new autobiography (Farewell but not Goodbye) had just been released so was intent on getting that being a hero of mine - needless to say, thats on my list to read next after I've finished the current book.

I also purchased a couple of CDs - Kaiser Chiefs, to which I've downloaded a coouple of EP tracks from iTunes in the past, but never got the full album - this is a fantastic album and would recommend it to anyone - always good where ever you are - esp with and iPOD. I had a wander into WH Smiths in town, and spoke to Elliot (not from ET - "ELLLLIOT") who I know from the Well (I'm assuming - but once give me discount when I went in hungover) who recommended The Magic Numbers. It appears to have influences from The Sundays, The Beautiful South and also a little of The Thrills - but very good easy listening music.

Then I came into contact with the Budda of all TV Comedy DVD boxsets - Scrubs - Series 1 - MMMM. One of the funniest american comedies I have ever seen, with quotes such as :-

"If they took all the porn off the internet
there would only be one site left, and that would be called Bring Back The
Porn."

"The fact is that you are what you eat, and
you clearly went out and devoured a big fat man."

"Uhm, I'm sorry. Here I was in my own little
world, talking to myself, dreaming about candy bracelets."

"And you, you one-man freakshow, take your
blah-blah to the blah-blah-psychologist, because if you are so stupid to
confront the chief of medicine over some quasi-offensive endearment, then you've
just gotta go ahead and change the captain of your brainship, because he's drunk
at the wheel. "

Exclusive :: Doctors Opinion

I had the blood tests for Zinc, Iron, Bone, Vit D, Blood Count and numerous other tests last Tuesday, and today I had to go pick the results up. To be brutely honest, I've been bricking my pants for the last week, and regardless of the outcome of today, it would be better than not knowing. So, you can imagine my face when I get to the quacks and its closed for lunch - meaning I had to dillydally around town for 45 mins - and there is only so much dillydallying around you can do when you dont want to spend any money.

So, upon returning to the quacks, I spoke to the receptionist, who took my details, plonked her glasses on the end of her nose and typed away with her index finger. Looking up at me, down to her PC, then back at me announcing that I was "Normal". Of course I couldnt stop laughing, and telling her that she was the first person for about 3 decades to say I was Normal. We had some crack (not the drugs, obviously, that would be just wrong) and she read out the results:

• Zinc : Normal
• Liver : Normal (Oh how I laughed)
• Kidney : Normal
• Blood Count : Normal
• Vit D : Normal

So to conclude ... Normal ... but still a little worrying - something a little healthy eating wont resolve, I'm sure.