May MSN Chat Chart

For the Month of May ... Here are the top 5 people I've been chatting to on MSN;

1. Captain Rich
2. Neighbour Debbie
3. Lovely Helen
4. Oxford Sam
5. Stoodent Vicky

Happy 21st Birthday Miss Humphrey

Went out lastnight for Helen H's 21st Birthday lastnight with Captain Rich. Popped down to the Well for a quiet couple, only to find that the birthday girl was gonna bugger off after 60 mins, leaving the usual suspects, Captain R, Cabin Boy Blunty, Shamster Fursal and myself to drink til closing.

Mr Humphrey :- not his 21st

Robbins Well Quiz - GOLD!

Its been a long time coming, but Steve and Rich return to the Sunday Night pub quiz for a bit of banter, a little more alcohol and a little more utilising external resources. I bumped into Rich in town earlier that day and asked if he fancied it, and by that point he wasnt really sure, and I was very close to just having a fairly quiet night in front of the TV with maybe a a glass or two of wine. Mmmm Wine.

Anyhoo, in a phone call of desperation, Rich asked if I was still up for it, and we arranged to meet just after 7ish - where we joined Bootsy and his Ginger headed friend for the quiz. We got off to a good start, a little help from the barstaff I have to admit, but we filled the picture round in, and successfully managed to get into a 4 way tie with 3 other teams - we should have one that "peg head" tie, only due to some peckers pecking around. Almost immediately, these peckers invaded my private space with a view to stealing our answers. 2nd round, we managed to win by 1 point - going ahead of the pecker team, who by now had a subscription to o2's WAP service and were paying by the minute. The 3rd round was again tied, and after Bootsy and his Ginger headed partner in crime had done the 1st tie breaker, Rich agreed to come up with me - not really knowing it was "paint a car crash" - and at that point not really knowing that he was the canvas to which my artistic talents would be used. As you can see below - a fantastic image - where as the other 3 teams decided that ALL BLACK represented a car crash (no, fools) so Captain Andy decided whoever got to Vialli's and back again first would win.

Rich, pictured centre - looking like a victim of hit and run

Anyone knowing Rich, would understand that sprinting 300metres is not his strong point, unless there is a) Stella b) Stella or c) Stella involved. So we lost that round, but still managed to keep our heads above the quiz water. The General knowledge round appeared to be our strong point, mainly due to Bootsy having to draw the best Leech in the room - which he done very well, earning us 5 extra bonus points and the pecker team dropping a couple.

We managed to get 10 out of 10 on the pic round, and 10 out of 12 on the PS2 round (substituted for the sports round for some strange reason) - only dropping one point against the peckers.

Net result - 4 people winning 78 quid, voucher for 4 Pizza Hut, 4 Luxury Burgers and a big smile! Fantastic, being kind that I am, I suggested to the Team that we put 10 quid behind the bar to the staff as they did technically help us win it.

Other highlights of the night :-

• A grown 20 odd year old - Boozed up and crying, so much so, that when he stood up, he cried, when he sat down, stopped, but then continued crying. Brought so much humour to the Well, that everyone was stood around him, rubbing their eyes, and sniffing and mocking the water works. Worked tho, had loads of birds around him looking after him - note to self - cry in public place and get women looking after you and touching you all over
• GOLD (Spandau Ballet) being shouted for, and this time, not really by us. See, people say sometimes that I'm not cultured, although I have brought Spandau Ballet and Gold to the lives of litterally 100s of people. This was a nice chinwag
• Seeing the nice barmaid smile (and remembering that Debbie said that she is the ideal person for me, from the Eurovision song contest party)
• Rugby tackling the guys coming in from "Vialli's Race" while Rich was trying to catch up
• Watching Rich barely able to speak and heading towards Vialli's for a Kebab

All in all, a good profit making night

Dr Who's In The House!?!

After randomly trying to find the modern day Dr Who theme tune to upload to my Nokia 6630 as a ring tune, I came across this website :

http://whomix.trilete.net/

Under the music section, you're able to download the Dr Who theme tune that someone else has mixed around with and altered slightly in hope that they will be selected for the next series. They come under different genres, ideas and artistic perfects, however the Band Aid one is slightly amusing towards the end.

Happy BBQ Friday & Big Brother 6

After abusing my body with Alcohol badly since Tuesday, I thought I had better quieten down, before my body just breaks - and nobody wants a broken body, do they ? So, rather than the typical Curry, Wine, Late night Happy Friday, I thought I would dust of the BBQ for the first time this year, buy charcole and invite the Happy Friday Gang around - to which they done a great job purchasing lovely BBQ'ing style food - burgers, sausages n' such like. 2 nano seconds before I was about to start the BBQ, get it up and ready for the lovely neighbours arriving, my boss kindly gave me a call and asked if I could help with a few things, which is where I found Rich having his own Hell Friday trying to resolve some issues - so asked if he fancied coming down later on. Once resolving what was my side of the problem - aka battered it onto the people who should have got called out on a Friday afternoon, the BBQ was lit, the guests arrived and indulged in some slow wine drinking by the side of the canal. Towards finishing food, john reminded us that Big Brother was starting tonight and if I fancied joining them next door at their gaff to freakbash the new contestants - who could refuse that?

Supping on the next bottle of relaxing white wine - mmm - the contestants went in one by one - each one becoming freakier, scarier, bitchier and more self obsessed than the previous one. Reality TV should be about normal people interacting with other normal people - not systematically hand picked to see if Mr Chalk and Miss Cheese will cop off with one another, or Miss Labour Lesbian will punch Mr Conservative Gayhater, nor Miss stereotypical barbie/professional model would get her waps out in 3 nanoseconds of getting into the blunge pool. Anyhoooo, after this thought bothering me for more than 2 seconds, I started to drool at the profressional model who had lovely big waps and wondered when she would be getting them out in public.

After watching Big Brother, and Big Brother's little Brother and a big of Big Brother Live - John switched over to Channel 4 to see "Johnny Vegas - 18 stone of Idiot" which has to be one of the funniest and strangest TV Comedy/Live Show I've seen for a long while. One of the sections was TV Reality "Celeb Lock-in" where z-list celebs battle it out to be the last man standing - "Who goes, the Booze decides". During this, I received text messages from an old fling, faffing around with me in a boozed up state on a complete wind up - annoying and pissing me off.

After this finished and myself and Debbie shared the best part of 3 or 4 bottles of wine - I decided to waddle back to my place, where I found myself still logged into work, and was asked to go in to work to give some onsite presence. Turns out, this problem I earlier battered back had escalated (no fault of my own) and there was noone in Warwick. I explained I didnt have a car, even if I had, I couldnt legally drive, and even getting past them two small issues, I might not have got past reception, mainly due to the fact I ws stinking of 4 bottles of wine, BBQ smoke and firelighters. To which point, I fell into my coma

Chinese Ducked Over

After feeling a little crud all day, Rich announced that there was going to be a nice all paid for meal on the company to entertain the nice Americans that have come over to do some outsourcing work. At around 3pm, I said to Rich I was feeling so crud, and tired that I was gonna skip, have an early night and stay away from booze. Rich of course was a bit miffed at this and give me a sarcastic hard time to see if I would change my mind, and of course I did - mainly due to the fact I had another stressful day at work and needed to get out for a while.

We met in the Lounge where Rich continued to look his noneself, and after coughing and spluttering a number of times, he said he was going to skip the food. Just at the same time this was made public, Captain John O (Mad Irish Dude) and Ship Ahoy Blunty turned up, at which point I think Rich knew he needed a could of medicinal Stellas to recover. Rich kindly give me access to his AMEX card incase he didn't make it down to the Chinese gaff - assuming he wanted me to sign on his behalf.

So, like back at school, and in some sham of a crocodile line, 10 of us waddled down the streets of Leamington Spa to the emperor's Restaurant. Under the orders of Rich, "get set meals, some wine and drinks - no champers, no piss take, but make sure they have a good time" and by the time I get to the bar and just about to take the first sip of my Tiger beer (thanks Bob) I get asked to navigate one of our colleagues who was lost in down, driving around and confused. Stress was already rising to a lovely high level by this point, but managed it - basing directions on public houses, shops and a fire station - so eventually we all seat, apart from Fursal, "his missus" and Captain Cold Rich. Fursal turns up with someone who is deffo not his bird, turns out its one of his mates - but she was stunning, and very nice to talk too. At this point, I decided (after 2 glasses of white wine, some Chinese beer and that bottle of tiger) to send Rich a text message with a photo of his amex card dunked into a glass of wine. I don't think he found this funny at all, and probably prompted him to drink his pint and slowly walk down. The food was very nice, we did have a laugh (mainly at Bob now drinking none-alcoholic lager) and entertained the American delegate. Champers was brought up, but I was well behaved (liking a couple of sips myself once in a while ) and said if they wanted champers, they would have to call Rich - and I knew he would say no anyhow.

After the meal, we pop over to the Jug where I bought a 25 quid round - only two people said thanks, which annoyed me - none of these people were the Americans, which started to wind me up even more than I was stressed at this point. We gave the Americans the option of drinking for a longer period of time (aka The Well) or taking in the culture of Clubbing in Leamington Spa (aka Mirage or Rios) of which, the selected The Well. Of course, the Americans "were getting tired" and shammed off to their swanky hotel, and left the Brits to continue to destress from the American attitude (only to have nipples tweaked by the American bird in the process). Everyone else got kicked out at god knows when, and we were then supplied with Diplomatic immunity and able to stay til again, god knows when. Although I did have the opportunity to help bottle up and become Stefan Warburton - Pub Landlord for 15 mins, bar'ing Rich, much to his disgust.

Stumbled home - talked to Rich about rubbish til 3ish in the street - entered Coma

Full House

After playing 5aside football, I arranged to meet Captain Rich and Sailorboy Blunty down the pub to watch the Liverpool v Milan cup final. This time last year, Newcastle United were fighting to gain 4th spot in the league to get into the league, only to miss out final game of the season (needing a win, from what I can remember). Anyhoo, due to the fact I had to call my mother, I was running late and attended just as Milan scored their 2nd goal (1st goal scored after 4 nanoseconds or something). At half time, Milan were ahead 3-0, and the night looking a little miserable, the guy standing at the bar gave some kind of abuse, admitted he was a scouser and was going back to his hotel. In 10 mins of complete madness, Liverpool managed to level it back to 3-3 and took the game to pens (always a miserable life if you're a toon fan) - and somehow managed to win. We can only assume that this scouse bloke went back to the hotel, watched xxx films all night to cheer himself up - missed the full game and drank himself into a coma, only to miss one of the most exciting finals in history.

Anyhoooooooooooooooooo, at 10:45, Captain Rich made his excuses and left due to the fact he had customer meetings first thing in the morning. Myself and Blunty decided to drink on, although fearing it was going to be messy as I came out on an empty stomach. Takeaway or some kind of curry was on the cards, but as per the norm, we stayed after hours, this time, being invited into a game of Poker. I played poker once - when i was 14, against Pete Williams, Phil Lynch and Rich Bradford - and due to being so boozed up on White Lightening or something, we just laughed our heads off and lost matchsticks. Anyway, myself and Blunty said we would just watch and we got some bottles and sat quietly in the darkness (not heckling at all *)

I managed to get back at 2am or some grand time, allowing me to look like crap, and feel like crap for the most of the day.

Exterminate!!!!

I was tipped off by Captain Rich that there was a Dalek in one of the customer areas at work today. Of course, Rich tends to mix his faces and names up slightly, so I didnt think of it twice until I mentioned it to Neighbour John who sent me a multimedia text message waving and looking equally shocked. One of the students (lovely Helen) kindly emailed me a decent photo of it - sadly due to hair colour issues, I didnt make it into the office myself - but here you go. All I can assume is that the current "Back into Black Campaign" has recruited ruthless beings from another planet to scare the living day lights out of people, in an attempt to get them to resign quicker without a "package"

Dalek, pictured centre

Maybe performance will go up with the company's new found "business model"

FA Cup Final 2005 :: Wasting my time and energy

Captain Rich had mentioned during the week that there might be an FA Cup booze up session on saturday afternoon, but hadnt made much of an effort in the way of plans. After a nice sleep in on saturday morning, I popped into town to get some food, and some new jeans, gave Rich a call and tried to work out what was happening. Anyhoo, that was still undecided, so we plucked the Well, mainly because its cheap for beer - we arranged to get there for around 2.30 to get a pint in and get a decent chair. Captain Blunty, Captain John-O, and Shamster Fursal turned up and we all enjoyed American related football banter to wind up Man U-mad John-O. After 90 minutes of boredom (well technically Rich was only interested coz he had 2 notes on the game - which ruined his "get back into black campaign" in the first 45 mins) - the two teams decided they havent pushed us to the levels of depression enough, so made us endure a further 30 mins of extra time.

The game of course went to pen's - which from my own football related misery, can relate to the stress John-O was going through, but I still laughed. I went into the game hoping Arsenal would scoop the prize, until some prize pecker decided to annoy the pub with his singing, chanting, spuring his team on and jumping around like a stunt man - this changed my mind to "follow" the red devils *spit*. This jumping around and general state of this bloke's sham continued, so I felt the need to "tell him how it was" which stressed me out a little more.

After the misery of the football, John-O left to see some bird, Rich left to continue his "drinking-lite" program, so it was left to Blunty, me and Fursal to continue the drinking. We ordered some food, the chairs and tables were somehow moved around without me seeing who done it, and sat down to watch Dr Who on the big screen (in between getting a kiss on the cheek from the lovely barmaid again - mmm). The Theme tune kicked off, our food arrived in perfect timing - we started watching the graphics - then all of a sudden, TV changed to the music jukebox. I asked why, and got "they arnt allowed to show it" - but 30 mins earlier - they had BBC 1 on for the FA Cup Final. At this point I was told to shut up and eat my food - nice, customer service skills going up then.

Anyhooo, rather than moving around, we decided to prop the end of the bar up for a little longer - then Blunty (who would die apparently if he drank lager) showed us the world of Spiced Rum and Coke - tastes like "pop" and appears not to get you drunk - one of these new age slow drinks, if you will. We continued this, had a laugh, took the mic out of Fursal, tried to flirt with the lovely barmaid and almost nigh on impossible, trying to make Larry smile. After last orders, we ordered another round of drinks using the "special tuesday" rate and sup'd up. After we eventually decided to leave, we ventured down to Viali's for some special food - namely chips and pitta bread - mmm. At this point Fursal's lass phoned him and turns out she was in the buff in bed - which is lovely, until I end up speaking to her and having a completely bizzar conversation with her, esp when he was standing right there. Its just not right!! simple as that.

Man meets machine

We watched the below man, laugh, giggle and smile at the car wash machine for about 5 mins - we couldnt understand why! The only assumption is that he saw someone else laugh before him, who saw someone laugh before them etc etc, who was probably listening to BBC Radio 2 way back in November.

Happy Man - pictured centre behind amusing computer

We can only therefore assume that when we laughed as we entered the car wash - we continued the link all day - you never know, there might be someone at the car wash right now laughing!

See Rich, thats what Labour brings to this country!! If it was run by Tories, Thatcher would have stolen all the keys from the keypad and all the water too.

What is so funny about ....

.....this ?

Car wash, pictured centre.

Chilled Out Saturday

After the night before of the strange, I decided probably sleeping a little was wise - well, you know, how much more of Debbie could I take. She was very lady like - but also very time consuming. I arose around lunch time, and straight away, she was asking what we were up too, a little like one of them springer spanials - but just drinks like a fish.

Anyhoo, after hours of nagging I finally agreed to spend some more time with her, so we went up to the Ford garage to look for a new car. Its been a while without a car and now get the urge to go with a car - something simple, sometime cheap, something like a normal Ford Ka - however ended up coming out with information on SportsKa and Fiest Zetec S (something I was looking at back in Jan).

Once we got back from the garage, we walked into town, wandered around and perfection - complete and utter silence - Debbie tucks into her Hot Beef Sandwich. Tell you, 20 mins of pure silence ;o). Na - I'm joking of course, we done some shopping, decided that after we got back, we should dye my hair. Dont know what happened, maybe it was the 30 mins in Boots pickering about what Shampoo she wanted, but I fancied a change. We picked Copper Blonde, dont know why, just looked a half way house at the time, nothing to dark, nothing to light - but we went with it anyhow. We got back, had "Steve-free quality time" ironed some clothes to pop out for some beer, Debbie kindly ordered a couple of pizzas and came around to dye my hair. its one of them wash in-washout things, but to be fair, I dont think either of us have a clue.

After looking completely confused at the fact that there was no change whatsoever, we sat down and watched Dr Who and ate our pizza, still looking confused at my hair. Once completed, we got out gladrags on, and popped down to the Jug for a couple of bottles of wine, thats all it was supposed to be, but as per the norm, didnt. We ended up in the Well, drinking bottles of italian beer or mexican beer - depending on the owner and chitchatting to random people. We had a couple of beers, sang to "buttercup" and ended up getting locked in, once again, talking to the barstaff , this time getting a sober kiss from the lovely barmaid - mmmm.

Once again, we returned to Canal House Towers, agreeing maybe it wasnt such a great idea that we sank two bottles of wine and then drank beer for 6 hours, tipped our hats and wished each other good day only to fall into some kind of wine/beer-based coma.

Happy Friday the 13th - So True

Today lived up to the expectations - so much so, I should have just rolled over and went back to sleep. From the minute I logged on, til around 6.30pm working - nothing but hassle, pain, pressure and stress. People wanting stuff done because the felt the need to annoy me and my team - all good and well you think - but not when its around 4.30 pm and you would think people should be going home.

My saving friday grace - winding down beverage - however someone was missing - the funnier half of Leamington Spa's Rod Hull and Emu. John had decided he was going to Brum for the weekend for a stag do, and I was given the fantastic, but challenging opportunity of entertaining young Debbie. So we decided to carry on the theme of Happy Friday Curry - beer, wine and late nights. This was great until we got to the Curry House, where I felt I should just head back then. Not only was it friday the 13th, but we had also entered the strange and bizzar < insert music from tales of the unexpected > of THE GAYEST CURRY HOUSE IN THE WORLD.

All seemed well, until we sat down, ordered a drink and some food, and waiter #1 commented on how well dressed I was, not a word to poor debbie (looking lady like). Waiter #2 then commented on how lovely my new phone looked, then waiter #3 walked up and said "Easy Tiger!". Sadly we didnt go back home, but indulged in further exploits in alcohol abuse but having a pint or two in the Jug and Jester, then heading over to the Well for a couple.

This is where I received a phone call from the lovely Helen who lives with one of the students I worked with last year, Dr David Kelly, much to my amusement. He's not actually a Doctor, nor is he working undercover as a weapons inspector, but it was topical at the time and its just gone on from there. Anyhoo, I arranged to meet the lovely Helen, and Dr David Kelly in the Lounge - where we had a quick drink, said hellos ( esp when this is the first time ive actually met her ) and wished lovely Helen a happy birthday. I asked if they fancied coming back to the Well for a couple as thats what you do on your birthday, but as they had exams on Monday, they decided it probably wasnt wise. At which point, a number of random comments were shouted from around the table such as;

• "The Internet is Broken, its Broken, THE INTERNET IS BROKEN"
• "JESUS, YOU'VE BROKEN THE STUDENTS"
• "When we were at Uni, we used to turn up drunk to exams and still pass"
• "Oh Helen, you are lovely"
• "mmm this Stella tastes fine - Rich would love a nice pint of this"
• "Pecker"

Of course, we convinced the students to come for a drink before their last bus turned up - one student was litterally shaking when we got to the Well, still convinced that the Virtual World was falling down on the e-Chicken Licken and still being bellowed at by Debbie.

After this, the students buggered off to student-ville and myself and Debbie kept the side up, but drinking more, getting locked in after hours once the bouncer had worked out who Larry ("Larry who ?", 'You know, the Larry who pays your wages') was. After getting a couple of kisses on the cheek from a drunken barmaid who had the night off, it was safe to return home for a coma-based sleep.

stitchhikers guide to the galaxy

After playing 90 mins of constant football, scoring a nice goal and getting cramp in my legs three times, I'd previously agreed to meet nomes and andy at the cinema. Orange are doing a nice promotion if you spend over 5 quid or something where you can send a text message to a number and receive a random text message. You then take this to the cinema (the Apollo in Leam is part of the promotion) and the dude(ss) inputs this number into the biggest calculator in the world and out pops a free ticket. Andy brought one of his funky pot mates ( I can only assume as he was wearing a jumper on one of the hottest days of the year) so we all paid 3 pound each (New English Pounds) to see the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy.

A good film if you go in with a blank mind of what was previously in the TV shows, Radio Shows and Book, in fact I thought it was a very good alternative ending. Trillian was pretty foxy, however due to my muscles cooling down, I could barely walk when the lights went up after the film finished.

Modern Science!

Walking along the canal this afternoon - and find this magical invention - time travel, nar! I'm gonna float myself to France for a booze cruise on the cheap!

A chair, floating on the canal, yesterday (pictured centre)

Bonjour

coming back from london all battered and bruised ( from the blogpost still in draft and will be submitted shortly) I thought I would ask John and Debbie out for a meal and some wine to say thanks for looking after my place while I was away. Of course, like a bull to a red rag, 18:30 we were on our way to Millenium-mmy, one of the local curry houses. John made it clear that after spending approx 3.3nanoseconds in bed due to watching the election coverage he wasnt up for a massive session, and I appriciate that. So, after the meal we went to The Jug for a bottle of red (john) and a bottle of white (me) and debbie swung between the two. I havent seen Rich for a while so we arranged to meet up at some point, somewhere, maybe, if we bumped into one another and the day ended in "y" and there was Stella on the tab, which of course, being friday and there being stella on the pump, we met.

Over the last couple of months ive developed a thing for the french women (see previous posts to be arrange) so it was nice to see a french lass in the Well, so after overhearing convos, we took the poor lass under our wings, and talked to her. Turns out she's been in the country for about 3 weeks, knows little english (although very impressive tho it is) and likes the music of the Well. In between the "Sowwie, I dunt understaand" of my geordie / drunken accent and Rich's "off his face but talks a little slowly than I", I think she almost gave up on us. Although after uncle Steve's "map of the UK on the back of a bar mat" education 30 mins, she understood why - although she was still confused that at my diagram, Scotland was larger than the beer stain that we called Wales (sorry John).

After the prospect of getting drunk under the table, we wished the lovely french lass a good night, and left her to drive home to the family she was staying with and hopefully meet up with her tomorrow night if we get out and drink beer :: Never ::

Qui ?

after being rejected for the 2nd time from the lovely Sophie (France) over the football subject, she asked if I was interested in meeting up with her friends at a local pub, so of course I agree. Its not often you meet someone who is so nice on the outside and also on the inside - and has such a fantastic smile (something I really go for), so obviously being serioulsly interested, I agree but suggest that I might not be able to make the 5pm kick off due to some people wanting to do their own things. So me and Captain Tatt escape from the mental office to have a couple of beers and some food and eventually some chin wag. Mark decides he wants to have a quiet night, and in reality, if I wasnt that interested in Soph, I might have done the same thing - but sadly - Captain Channing and myself walk the streets of London to meet up with the party of colleagues.

Sophie had previously given me her number incase of any issues, and thats a massive step, I dont really do that kind of thing, well without going "Captain Scarlett" but without the Mysterons, but we get on well. So without wanting to look wet and phone up saying "please, I dont live here, can you help, si cald" we wandered around and eventually found this place under the railway tracks. Nice place, so after captain Channing decided to coat me in red wine over my nice white tshirt, myself and Sophie get chatting. Earlier, her mate said that she didnt want to see Soph get hurt and used and abused, and close friends will vouch that I dont do that kind of thing and told Soph's friend this. Having 4 pints before hand, I was a little drunk, but also a little geordie-cocky (tm) so asked Sophie if she would be interested in coming to see me one weekend - which maybe she's just nodding to keep me quiet, or she would like to come see me for a weekend, I really do hope its the latter.

We get out of this pub (Ev) and someone suggests going back to a flat, and after returning to the "I'm 16 mister, can you sell me some booze after hours in a town where I dont know, nor do I know you are an undercover copper" we get a mixture of Fosters, Port, Cider and god knows what else. On arrival at this blokes place, he decides porn is the way forward, to which the girls make a fast exit, so I change the scene by finding "best of the 80s CD" unopened and play this at massive volumes on his nice brand new stereo, much to his displeasure. After talking, smiling, looking at the floor thinking what the hell is going on, we end up leaving around 02:45, only to get to bed after a 20 min walk and needing to be checked out of the hotel by 10am. Ended up with breakfast, just, and not giving back any free vommit style breakfast, I ventured to work, where we done some work, I looked pie-eyed, as did many others and left London to return to leamington around 4pm - nice. The hotel were kind enough to only charge me only 2 out of the 3 nights I was there, so at least I've managed to input into the business's cost recovery scheme *

Football Objective #4 :: Completed.

I've got a number of goals in life, some are linked to the football world. One of which was seeing Newcastle United play in London against a London Team. Spookily, Wednesday night, Fulham hosted the toon, so after asking if Captain Tatt was interesting in taking some football, I ordered 2 tickets on the super-inter-web-high-way from their webpage and told to pick them up a couple of mins before the game. As it was out first day on the test, it was taking the mic a little to ask to leave early - but we did anyhow. We get the tube from black friars over to putney bridge and enjoy the spacious transportation that London underground could provide * (Warning :- no personal space whatsoever). We get to Earls Court, and 4 pretty attractive 18/19 year old girls get on, look at me, smile and talk in tongues with each other. One of them then walks up to me and asks, "Are you going to Craven Cottage? ", to which I reply, "Yes", she then asks, "Do you know the way?", and to my delight I reply with "No". I suggested that we stuck together, mainly because they were fit and I was lost in London.

Anyhoo, we get to Craven Cottage, pick the tickets up, have a beer and a hotdog and we're wired for sound - only to find the seats. I've been to a number of stadiums and they tend to bung the away fans in a corner - or in the worst section with minimal view. We had tickets about 10 rows behind the goal and on a level where you could almost touch the players - fantastic.

The away toon army fans in my personal opinion are much better than the home toon fans, 90 mins of constant singing, banter and putting the home fans to shame. Some of the songs included:-

• "Ohh Shola Am-eobi" to the Hoke Coke
• Stand up if you love the toon
• Shirts off, if you love the toon
• Pogo if you love the toon
• (my fav) Shoes off if you love the toon
• Clarkie is a Geordie (to the Fulham midfielder who used to play for us)
• There's only one, Shay Given

There was some London Toff "toon" fan who was so boozed off his face, he randomly tried to get his section to stand up and "love the toon" - but done it so pathetically, it was funny. After 30 mins of standing up, turning around, "conducting" his section with his fingers, someone shouts out "Shut up and sit down" - I can only describe this guy of curling up in a ball and nearly crying.

Anyhoo, the Toon won 3-1 - the first time in craven cottage for about 30 years - and a change from getting beaten. After the players came off, we returned to the tube station, only to get back to the hotel in time to have 2 pints and an early night.

Fantastic night.

Canal Fest :: Lovely

Friday afternoon was lovely to work from home. Sat by the canal working in the sun (squinting at the laptop in the bright light and heat) a number of barges moored up, unloaded and wandered into town. All good and well you think, and I was amused by the fact most of them had beards and jesus like footwear. Anyhow, I pottered about a bit, went into town, bought a couple of vintage Dr Who DVDs and some food. Got back to my gaff and it was something like out of howards way with rows and rows of canal barges.

Anyhoo, the darkness appears (not the band, the time of day) and Captain Rich (without his canal barge) asks if I would be interested in a quiet drink, of which, how could I refuse. Things are a little hazy, but I can only assume alcohol was involved.

The next morning, I wake up to some Canal-Fest (tm) on the opposite side of the towpath. All good and well, but when you over look it the festival from the front room, it becomes a bit of an issue - well, only by the fact I couldnt walk around naked.

After sunbathing, reading a book, and getting looked at by passers by on the canal, I decided a walk up to homebase to buy some plants and gloss paint for the windows was in order. Nice brisk walk in the sun (and my arms getting eggshell white) and 25 quid lighter I returned to loads of people taking photos of our building, so abuse was in order. Returned to my bottle of wine after dark and started watching the 2nd of the 2 Dr Who DVDs I bought the previous day - then ended up in bed somehow after ending up in a coma.

Now, Sunday, a day of rest, sleeping and coma recovery - you would think - no, not really - Culture Club and Karma Chameleon blasting at 3 million decibels is always a great way to wake up. During sunday lunch, I was subjected to live music, consisting of "the boys are back in town" , "Day Tripper" and other random tracks from way back then. The princess and the wolf came around for a visit, who then successfully a) tidied up my plants and b) got rid of my weeds while I sat around and sunbathed a little further.