He Shoots, He Scores - Misses Plenty others

What can I say ... the goal drought had to come to an end at last. A sweet right foot around the goal keeper. However, I would also like to point out, I missed 2 x complete sitters - still need that confidence back.

Although, my toe injury is getting worse. I think I might have broken my toe a couple of months ago - well 12 weeks ago now and being stubborn, decided to do bugger all about it. Needless to say, being pushed over when I'm defending, someone kicking my foot/toe didnt impress my humour.

Toe photo to follow...

Soul Glow

As referenced in the following blog entry - I now, unlike many blokes can (with the exception of lady boys/cross dressers etc)

• flutter my eye lashes to get free drinks
• get away without paying at night club doors
• ask people to put shelving up
• moan I dont have enough pairs of shoes

So, all in all, a good 3p spent I would say

Soul to Soul

In reply to Debbie's blog here the 3p was posted at 8.58 this morning and legally binding it was, the Soul is actually belonging to Debbie - and not some Pikey kids she stole from.

Lemon Soul

Well ... complete bargain - as per the MSN convo below ... I have just purchased Debbie's soul for 3 English New Pence! ;

Debbie [note to self - do not drink until 1am on Sunday] says:
i might sell my soul
Designed to satisfy your soul says:
buy your soul for 8p
Debbie [note to self - do not drink until 1am on Sunday] says:
ummm its probably not worth that
Debbie [note to self - do not drink until 1am on Sunday] says:
don't want to rip off a neighbour
Designed to satisfy your soul says:
3p ?
Debbie [note to self - do not drink until 1am on Sunday] says:
ok then
Designed to satisfy your soul says:
deal ?
Debbie [note to self - do not drink until 1am on Sunday] says:
is it legally binding?
Designed to satisfy your soul says:
umm yes
Debbie [note to self - do not drink until 1am on Sunday] says:
ok then
Designed to satisfy your soul says:
cool
Designed to satisfy your soul says:
i'll drop the money off in the morning
Debbie [note to self - do not drink until 1am on Sunday] says:
i feel soulless
Debbie [note to self - do not drink until 1am on Sunday] says:
can you afford the 3p?
Designed to satisfy your soul says:
umm yeah

CSI opportunity - Soul sharing, profit - sell 2nd soul on ebay for profit!

CSIs - the list continues

After discussing random Cost Saving Iniatives (CSI) at the gentleman's club - its been decided to document it on this web site for all to take on board - which in itself is a CSI for you, as you dont have to waste time reinventing the wheel.

• Go to work naked - no need to dirty clothes - saves on water & washing powder & electricity
• Grow a beard - keeps face warm - cuts down on heating - and traps food for later
• Send bills back to BT without Cheques in them - buys you time util you get paid
• Trap water in pint glasses when having a shower - then you can reuse for drinking/rising after toothbrushing
• Kill the swans on the canal, sell the meat as "chicken" and their feathers to pillow companies
• Dont go to work ... save on petrol, spending money in the canteen and cups of tea
• Dont have friends - never need to go out again, buy a round at the pub or birthday presents.
• Take up smoking - investment makes profit - smoke = no need to eat food = slimming quickly = no big food shopping bills

Anymore items email to doc.wharton@btinternet.com

(S)he who casts the first stone ...

Once again, it appears, that I am to blame for another random night out. I'm not trying to suggest for one moment that I am completely blameless. Its been a long and frustrating weekend, trying to cut costs here, there and everywhere - so decided at the first opportunity I had to get money into my pocket, to invite John and Debbie - as they are short of cash too. Apparently I "promised in a court of law" that they would win the quiz (Cash Prize was 78 quid) and when we failed to win - was called worse than mud - well Stefan anyhow.

Upon loosing, this is where it becomes a mystry -I think I retired to the gentleman's club for a brandy and to discuss the pro's and con's of fox hunting - however research found that;

• I abused the dorkiest bloke in the world by threatening to break his legs if he didnt leave us alone (harsh but true)
• I was climbing on a conservatory roof at 00:45 to retrieve a CD that was on John and Debbie's roof for the last 3 weeks
• Offered advice to a student in liverpool via text message
• Managed to aquire 2 x new Yellow Cards (tm)
• Have a random convo with Laura at 01:00 on msn
• As the "friendliest bouncer in the world" for a fight outside in the Well's beer garden.

So all in all, quiet night really - and as you can probably tell, I wasnt completely to blame for lastnight, but instead, John and Debbie's as I was nearly ready for bed. The continued to pester me to go to the quiz :o/

Swings and Roundabouts

Saturdays cost saving iniative moved forward into a new era and level. Had two letters from Warwickshire County council which worried me a little. Luckily one was about five a side, the other was a chase up for council tax ( they wanted 68 quid ). Phone bill from BT (38 quid) and also an elecricity bill for 52 quid - sure I switched over to British Gas for that !?!

Went food shopping - and thats it - into town - avoiding CD/DVD/Clothes shops - purchased enough food for the week - including packed lunch stuff - see if I can reduce my spending at work (normally around 25 quid per week - thats 100 quid a month - imagine how many beers you can get for that!!). Spent around 40 quid for the week on food - and that includes cleaning products.

On the plus side, I managed to get back 68p on my IBM Shared from June

Imagine my suprise when neighbours (HIYA!!) John and Debbie MSN me with notice that they have got me a fab present - turns out to be two.

1. George Mikes' - How to be Poor - Penguin Publications
2. Alan Whicker - Australia Through the eyes and lives of resident Poms - Fontana/Collins

Alan Whicker - Fantastic huh ? Or as;

• The Daily Express says "hugely entertaining"
• Terry Wogan says "I was delighted"
• Sunday People said, "A real treasure trove"
• The star exclaims, "Good on yer, Alan"

Cost Saving Iniatives - they just come a rolling

After a stressful week at work, I retired to Canal House Residence to find the fridge almost vr empty. Eggs, pint of milk, some blue cheese (it was supposed to be blue), come bacon, belgian beers that Naomi bought me and the bottle of wine I started on lastnight. Had a fantastic idea to do some of Steve's Special Potatoes (c) with an omlette - half way through cooking the potatoes, worked out I didnt have cheddar cheese to make the omlette correctly so nipped to somerfield around the corner. Fantastic meal - total cost of night - £1.29 - lush.

T'Internet meet EEN, EEN meet T'Internet

Caught up with one of my best mates from Newcastle, Een, today - after exchanging random URLs - he gave me the following http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=GERQSYB&key=KXX

Rate him as you wish ... remember he's married with a kid, he's also a mentalist and hates football :- Hint - "1"

Life becoming too Taxing

A night of enjoyment and excitement has just happened at home ... After running around a football pitch for an hour, having many attempts on goal - and still missing (3 weeks in a row now without scoring), it came to the point where I HAVE to do my TAX return form. After putting it off for months, its getting towards the 31st Sept deadline. Never in my life have I been so confused, so dull and so want to force forks into my eyes - thats how bad it is.

Lastnights cost saving iniative didnt really go to plan - we had a couple of beers at the Well - pound night - 2 x Stella = £2.00 - excellent you'll find. Then ended up in voodoo for a round - at which point you might as well remortgage your house. We then moved to the curry house and between three of us - spending 66 quid on luxury items - well, mainly chicken based meals.

Myself and Nick then ventured back to the boys club, discussed the finer things in life, such as cricket and are all oxford dictionaries made in oxford, over some brandy - before getting home and falling into a stella/curry/stella/cobra/stella coma - total cost of night - 30 quid - lush

Night of the Pound Table

Cost saving iniatives are flying around - with everyone giving advice on how to ease up on the spending, but also have an enjoyable time. For example, tonight is Pound Night at the Well, as well as this, one of the lads from work is staying over night.

• Beverage at the pub = 1 x Beer = £1.00
• food = 1 x Curry (using his £20 a head overnight food allowance)

Steve pays = £1.00, IBM pays for my food.

On top of this, its been decided that Canal House Holdings Ltd will be outsourcing Canal Life from India as of Winter and Ducks will go to the "Bill Centre"

Cost Saving Iniatives

Over the last couple of months, I've had to fork out alot of money with;

1. car getting broken into (twice in one day)
2. entertaining
3. purchasing house items
4. birthdays
5. etc etc.

Its now got to the sitation where I'm having to result to IBM cost recovery size plans (don't worry, we're not outsourcing the ducks to India). To deal with this, I'm suggesting one (maybe two) night out a week - Should be Thursdays (sociable night out) and Sundays (pub quiz) and therefore resulting in sociable nights in for Films, food, PS2 games. Also a fantastic way to catch up on sleep and the bills.

Anyone who would like to donate money, please email me for postal address.

Welcome to Coventry *

a pub, in coventry - today

Just wasting my time!

Well, a "friend" asked me to help him move today. He used to be co-manager of the Well, one of my fav haunts, and moving over to Coventry to manage the Aardvark. So, after my exhausting couple of weeks, I said I would naturally help, after he's helped me out in the past. Pick him up at 8.45 (on Sunday - is there such a time ?!?) to pick up one of the largest lorries in the world and help him fill it (and unpack it) not once, but twice. Random items include;

• 4 x sofas
• 3 x Tvs (one of which the heaviest in the world)
• 2 x matresses (again, the heaviest in the world)
• 1 x washing machine (with clothes inside)
• 1 x fridge freezer (with frozen food inside)
• 1 x girlfriend
• 1 x baby
• 1 x fishing rods

Anyhoo, he kindly bought Burger Kind for "lunch" and a diet pepsi back at the pub, while we watched Newcastle beat Southampton for the first time in 4 billion years (actually 32 years) and, fingers turned to blistering sticks.

After spending nigh on 10 hours with the guy (with Rich's help - and Chris in the morning), he hosted his very last pub quiz at the Well. So what happened, he decides that he's going to reduce our team's score by 5, making us joint first and a play off for the pot of money. Now, what kind of person does that to "friends" ? I may need to seek further advice to resolve this problem. Anyhoo, we ended up coming away with 2 x Euro 2004 etched glasses for our troubles - any my fingers and legs falling off.

I'm Lovin' it

Decided to do something with my day, rather than faff around, blink and its monday morning again. After my snooze in the pub, woke up around 10am to my phone going off and my sister calling me. After asking if she'd woken me up, she decided to hang up - just to perplex me slighly.

Anyhoo, after racing to the train station, walking around the Bull Ring surrounded by

• a) the slowest people in the world
• b) people deciding that walking in front of me is funny
• c) screaming kids
• d) Pikey / Charvers

I decided that my hangover needed a cure, of which, I had strawberry milkshake in my head - so went to macdonalds, got my milkshake, got train back to Leamington.

Price of Milkshake = £7.00 approx - sure Guiness Book of Records dont want to hear about that

The tale of two ... pubs

After a week of constant work, the toll is starting to show on my life. Two nights, two seperate public houses, of which - fell asleep in both. Ended up in the Well for a couple of beverages and a catch up, the usual "I'm with Jimmy" occurred and the pub enptied, with the usual regulars and bar staff / "bar keep". Next thing I know, its 3am, I've awoken from a deep sleep and about 2 mins from being locked in all night. Luckily, Jimmy didnt take his baseball bat to my skull, yawned, stretched and wobbled home

My Fridge - Tonight

Shocking state of affairs :-

• Milk out of date
• Bottle of french white wine
• 4 x bottles of belgian beer
• Cheesecake out of date
• Eggs out of date
• Butter (for Rich) out of date
• Bacon - about to go out of date
• Dodgy looking cheese

Coffee - Not that its all cracked up to be!

Managed to scam a free coffee today by the lovely Rachel today - never tried it, always smelt like shit to me. So, on a day of madness and carnage, I decided to do something on a whim.

I took one sip, and quite frankly, I'll not be touching coffee ever again!

Coffee - dont touch it with a barge pole!

Hello, Alan Whicker Here!

One of the funniest and strangest adverts I've seen for a long time. We were watching Newcastle v Second rate scummy team in the Well lastnight - then this advert came on.

http://www.rushes.co.uk/quicktime/travelocity_qt.htm

All I can say is that myself and Rich would have come up with something like that after a beer session.

Not so FAB!!!!

Day just gets worse ... Heard from Guiness Book of Records :-


Dear Mr Wharton

Thank you for sending us the details of your recent record proposal for 'Number of FAB Ice Lolly's In One Day'. We are afraid to say that we are unable to accept this as a Guinness World Record.

We receive over 60,000 enquiries a year from which only a small proportion are approved by our experienced researchers to establish new categories. These are not 'made up' to suit an individual proposal, but rather 'evolve' as a result of international competition in a field, which naturally accommodates superlatives of the sort that we are interested in. We think you will appreciate that we are bound to favour those that reflect the greatest interest.
We appreciate that this may be disappointing to you. We are always keen to hear from people who wish to set a Guinness World Record. If you should need any advice regarding record breaking in the future, please do not hesitate to contact us, quoting the above membership number.
Once again thank you for your interest in Guinness World Records.

Yours sincerely,
Laura Baker
Records Research Services