Stefan on Women (or not on Women, if you get my drift)

Strange tho it mean seem.... Na, only joking. There has been this lass that I've liked for many years, well, OK, 5 years. She is completely different to those that I normally go for, she smokes, yeah, big wow, she's funny as hell, she's caring, well, OK, she's funny as hell.

I guess you can put it down to flirting, when we've been out and bumped into one another, but thats as far as it ever got. Anyhoo, the story starts when John is away at glasto, and I was given the challenge to entertain Debbie for the weekend (more like a prison sentance). Four hours into our beer session, I had a text from said lass, asking where I was etc, and how she was elsewhere and bored. I suggested that we were in town, but probably not for very much longer, as we were starting to feel the effects. After more text messages, I'd agreed to meet her in town, and go back with Debbie and watch big brother. Was nice and chilled, Debbie said she seemed a very nice lass, and it was great.

I asked what she wanted to do, and she agreed to stay at my place - what was even more fantastic is that we snogged. Was really nice (probably down to alcohol consumed on both sides) and asked what she wanted to do, sofa, bed, what ?! We ended up in bed, probably had a little too much fun, but seems nice & natural.

I took her home the next morning, got a kiss... then .... radio silence. I text'd her when I returned from my holidays asking if she wanted to go for a coffee/tea/beverage - then got a text 3 hours later saying she was at family do. I invited her out to the cinema - still not recieved a text back, nor MSN, nor phone call. I bumped into her in the pub, and it was like she was making an effort to avoid me - meh

So, what do you do ? You really like someone, they're not interested - so decided - screw it - staying well away from women now. Chances are that she dislikes me anyhow - oh for that time machine. Mind you, if I had a time machine, I would know exactly what time/date I would visit.

Welcome to the nut house

As weeks go, the last couple of weeks have been that crazy rollercoaster that you dream about now and again. I ended up meeting up with someone I managed to get a number for a couple of fridays, had a couple of beers, and more beers, then some wine, then some spirits. Of all things I ended up in the local cheesy nightclub (Rios) and accompanied by more alcomohol - next thing I know, I'm getting kissed and told that she quite likes me and would like to go out some other time if I fancied. Well, you know, I'm one of these new men and welcome opportunities such as that and nodded and agreed as she shoved her tongue into my mouth (nice image I know). I have to say, I was a bit suspicious, but thats the kind of person I am - why would anyone like me - I'm just me ... you know

Anyhoo, 4 days later, I was in bed, having a special steve sleep - well trying too - and while hugging onto my special teddybear, my phone went off (time 23:34) to someone in tears asking why I havent been in touch and why I havent asked them out on a date, then a hung up tone. I smile, and rollover and fall asleep. 2 minutes later, the phone goes, and the same thing, at this point, insert the same routine 3 times, til the next time, I get a threat that they're going to "cut" themselves. Now, I'm not a trained specialist in the art of attention seeking, "cutting" or people who need that "special" help, but you obviously do the best you can to calm them down, and convince them, a) I'm really not worth it b) maybe they need some help and c) who would actually clean up the mess. Harsh I know, but my Cubs badge didnt really cover this kind of training, and I really needed sleep. So after 30 minutes of calming someone down, the phone goes dead again - then, as you know that at 18:00 the BBC 6 O'Clock news is about to start, the phone rings again, still to tears. I told her how it was and that she should go to bed, without any blades and everyones happy.

Needless to say - THIS FUCKING SCARED THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF ME!!!!

I was busy the following week, so didnt have a chance to spend time on my own, nevermind entertain, so recieved a text from her and a phone call, with promises that it was a one off - so, like small shrew, I saw the best in somsone again. However this time, questions of where it was "all going" arose, small panic attacks, fist clenching and dragging nails into her own arms - I was ready to tell "Steve's Whitelie" of "Oh, I have to go meet my mate Rich down the pub, he's not very well you know". All of a sudden, her fist connected with my face - needless to say, after counting to 5, I politely asked her to leave, 18 pounds later of Chinese takeaway, I was still receiving text messages of "I've messed up, havent i?"

I know this is a little long, but my point is, where do you go from here - this seriously funks your head up and confidence with women and now can only think I attract a) crazies, b) people who deny they are crazy, but actually are and c) I really cant efford to spend 18 quids worth of chinese takeaway, everytime it happens.

From now ... crazy free town please!