Rhode to no-where

After hanging around the pool all day with Barry and Nicky - we retired back to the bar and got talking to Dominic and Theo (the two barmen) - Dom is a young Greek who obviously has an eye for the ladies, where Theo was originally from Italy, a little older and married - but all very friendly. I started calling Dom, "Boss" which he laughed and started calling me back - strangely enough, but it was funny to be part of the entertainment. They had a PA system hooked up to a CD player, sadly, they only had a select few CDs - one of which was the Crazy Frog, which brought alot of anger to alot of people - still, they had 80s, 90s and loads of chilling music - just what you want.

Barry and his missus were only there for a week, so were up for doing stuff, but were friendly and invited me out as much as I wanted. I thanked them, but told them why I was out there, what I wanted to do (involved ipod, beer, food, sun and sleep mainly), but they still offered, which was fab. They went out to get some food, leaving me to chill at the bar and slowly getting drunk on local beer & wine. When they returned, they couldnt stop laughing and promised they would show me tomorrow night - still giggling away, they retired to bed. I went in the opposite direction and headed towards mine

Nicky, me and Barry

Still receiving texts from Blunty!!

Pro's and Con's of Vacations alone.

I've done it before, and it can be a little worrying, but I never want to do things for other people that I dont want to do myself, that I dont really want to do, nor do I like the idea of going away with someone who doesnt want to do the same things as me. So, conclusion, go away on your own, do what you want, when you want, how you want, and why you want - means you dont get shouted at, ignored in some mood, or even to the stage where your friendship is strained with mates or females who you like.

Some of the pro's are, like I suggested above, you can do what you like, when you like. There is also the fact that you get to meet people YOU want to meet, and if you do meet someone you dont like - you can avoid them - pretty easily.

The flip side is, tho, that if you do have problems, like trying to apply sun lotion to your back, it can be a bit difficult, some people feel they have to talk to you, just because you are alone - when you just want to read your book and be left alone.

All in all, I would recommend it to anyone, if you can bare with being on your own for long periods of time. I can do it because I can work from home, then spend time on my own in my flat, or even going to work and coming back to the flat, chilling. Some people can do it, some others cant - I can do this, sometimes pretty easily.

Introduction to the local culture

After a shower and trying to keep cool (my bedroom was sun facing first thing in the morning), I wandered down to the bar area, to be faced with a pretty large sized swimming pool, with the typical sunbeds around it - it looked nice, clean and posh. I picked up a bottle of water and ordered scrambled egg on toast with a cup of tea - was very nice. I got speaking to a couple of the waiters and the manageress who all seemed very friendly.

The introduction was timed for 11:30 and some yorkshire sounded rep came in - give us the usual talk;

• drink lots of bottled water (not from the tap)
• dont run around the pool
• apply loads of suntan lotion
• busses are rubbish, so get taxi's - so much easier
• where the local cash machines are
• what tours they had etc

I applied the loads of suntan lotion and took my ipod, book and sunglasses to the pool side and started to sunbath, relax and chill. I didnt intend to do much over the holiday, mainly due to the fact I aint had a proper away holiday for 2 years (bought my flat last year and couldnt efford it) - and just wanted time out from the manic world of technology and team leading.

I had lunch and a pint, where I met a charming little fellow, Barry, at the bar, after talking and buying each other the local draft beverage, I was introduced to his girlfriend, Nicky, who again was very charming. Barry and myself had a couple of more pints, and retired to our sunbeds, only to fall asleep for about 60 mins around 4pm - but luckily applied loads of high factor sun lotion.

Texts from afar.

I started to setup my technology and recieve texts from friends back in the UK - namely, John, Debbie, Rich and family - incase something kicked off.

I set my phone to one of the local mobile phone providers - and automatically recieved a new message, from Captain Blunster, asking "yee, oot tha neet" - assuming he was asking if I fancied a beer on Wednesday, so sent him a text back saying thanks, but I was in a different country. Five minutes later, I recieved another message, asking "yee, oot tha neet" - thinking he just sent it twice by mistake.

After 3 hours - I have recieved 10 of the same messages. Nice*

Flying High, Legs Low

After John and Debbie kindly dropped me off at the airport, I headed to checkin - a little worried that the queue was pretty small, and got worried that I just made it - not exactly the best way to start a holiday - but hey, at least I made the flight this time. After checkin, went via security, then to the departure lounge to get a swift pint to cool my pre-flight curves. I was half way through a pint of carling cold, when the boarding of the flight was called, so left the rest.

When I got on the plane, it became clear that checking in last, has its disadvantages, when I got to the seat, in front of the toilets (Row 30) - meaning I couldnt recline the chair, but hey, I was on holiday and nothing was gonna knacker that up. The couple sitting to the left of me joined, we said hello, I opened my FHM and left them to it. Half way through, my new co-flight-buddies were starting to annoy me when they complained about the seating, I didnt bother - the airhostesses have enough of a job to do, than trying to relocate two moaning gits around, they moaned some more, but I chilled, the guy got relocated to the back of the plane.

We get to Rhodes airport, and was quite suprised that the process was pretty easy to get from passport control -> baggage reclaim -> coach -> resort. This might be just because I was tired and didnt really care due to my holiday mood, or just relief from getting away from the co-passenger family from hell - but felt quick anyhow.

The information I got from the travel agents said that the transfer was quick, although the disadvantage that overhead aircraft noise was frequent, but hey - 10 mins between airport and my temp home of Emerald Apt Hotel was cool - only to get the usual overview of;

• Drink lots of water - bottled, not tap
• apply suntan lotion
• dont run around the pool
• "if you dont like spicy food at home, chances are you wont like it away from home"
• dont put your bog paper down the bog, but in the provided bathroom bin
• Greek's dont use large towels, because they can allow the growth of bacteria
• Greek's dont have baths for the very same reason

We arrived at the Apts, only to be put in front of the grumpiest looking Greek man, ever, who checked us in, took our passports off us, and showed us to the room. It turns out that this man has a job during the day, and does the night shift at the hotel and turned out to be very friendly - great huh ?

By the time we were shown to our rooms, it was around 3.30am Greek time, so time for a snooze, only to be woken up 3 times by plains flying overhead - but hey - holiday starts here!

We're all going on a summer holiday - well, just me, not you!

I'm on holiday now for two weeks - I fly out later this afternoon, thankfully I double and tripple checked and found the tickets for the holiday under a massive pile of mail. The first bit of mail I had suggested only taking the final invoice along - suggesting to me it was some kind of new-wave-internet ticketless scheme - thankfully I'm switched on.

I spent a couple of hours in town today, getting final items, money for example, and picked up a few nice to haves, and bumped into John-O and Rich for a swifty. I only had a coke and some food due to the fact of being doped up on hayfever tablets and still feeling minging from lastnight.

Next stop, Rhodes (via Birmingham Int) - massive thanks to J&D for sorting me out with this.

Sombre times call for sombre drinks

The last month or so has been a little rotten at work, some could say - and thats all I will comment on the history of it. Everyone in our department had or will be having a phone call stating if they are at "risk" or not - again, thats all I will say about it. Luckily, myself, my immediate team are "not at risk" as well as some close friends being "not at risk". Some other people arnt and wont be so lucky - so all I can say is good luck with things.

John and Debbie asked if I fancied going out for a drink and some food, so we ended up in King Babba's for a nice curry and a beer, moving into the Well for a quiet pound night, then hooking up with Rich, Nomes, Andy P and Text-tastic Wendy in TJs. Only Rich was drinking, so I think he was thankful that we turned up to help him along. Mood was a little down and strange, we all know a handful of people who are "at risk", so albeit happy for ourselves, we're obviously concerned.

Roll on tomorrow ... for getting out of dodge for different reasons - holiday.

Toon Army 2005/2006/2007

I made one last holiday purchase, the new NUFC home shirt. I've been putting it off for a while, mainly due to the disappointing season we had last time around, but felt I needed to be hip and street with the new shirt. It arrived this morning and is fantastic - although other "lesser team" footballer supporters' impression is "wow"

Toon Army!

"I hope you had the time of your life" - I did, thanks!

Sunday afternoon was the big day, a day I've been looking forward to for months. Mr Bellis (to his colleagues and friends - only because we're scared of him) was taking his daughter (and her friend) to see Greenday at the MK bowl, and asked if me and punk rock headworth, if we fancied going. I've always had a soft spot for Greenday from my metal days, so was quite looking forward to rekindling my youth and getting hip and street with the youth of today. Added to the bonus that one of the "lads" at work had promised to get VIP tickets due to his "networking and contacts" he had, which would involve free booze all day. He had promised us these passes for a couple of months now, and geting closer to the date, it was looking less likely, but we still had that candle of hope burning in our eyes.

Captain Bellis was due to pick me and Rich up around 2.30pm - so thankfully after lastnight, I had the chance to recover and get my brain in gear. Prompt as always (Warning - not so prompt) Bellis picks us up and we head down the motorway, sunroof open, windows open, burning my already sunburnt arms, so I applied suntan lotion, feeling sticky and returning to my glazed look. Still no sign of tickets - we still hoped ... just maybe....

We managed to find a parking space on the 3rd approach into the Plaza, and headed like sheep towards the bowl, we entered the bowl, only to find that the only places of shade, where the bogs or the bushes which were makeshift bogs. Still we hoped about tickets, still nothing - by this point myself and Rich already had 2 pints each and heading towards 2 hotdogs. Jimmy Eat World were on stage, of which I knew about 3 songs - hip and street Wharton returns. The below photo is part of the stage that I took with Belli's camera - nice!

Stage, pictured centre, but actually was left.

I've been to many gigs before - some have impressed me, some havent, I've been to see Guns N' Roses, Faith No More, Therapy?, Space, Bluetones, and most importantly, Collapsed Lung, yet when Greenday came on ... fantastic from start to finish. It was more of an entertainment, than a band coming on, standing there, strumming because they have to be there to get their beer money for the next 20 years. These guys were good, very very very good, entertaining and singing wise. They kicked off with American Idiot, dipped into some of the album, went into the back catalgue, playing Basketcase, and back into the recent album. The biggest cheer and reaction was when they played Lulu's "Shout". England is now, apparently, the "official home" of Greenday!

After the gig finished, we managed to loose Bellis' daughter and friend, and searched the bowl for them. One thing that disappointed me, was the lack of concern by the "staff" who, and know they want to get home, just wanted to kick us out, not giving a damn that two early teens were missing. "I'm sure they'll show up, now can you move on please" was one reaction - helpful, esp in the current climate. Luckily they turned up after walking around looking for AB. We walked about 25 mins to the car, managed to find a "quick" route, spending 2.5 hours in the car trying to get out of MK, getting into bed just after 3am, having to be up at 7.45 to get into work to meet a new starter.

Conclusion - fantastic day out, fantastic music, had a laugh, became young again.

The Morning After

Like Faith No More's lyrics suggest;

Awakened by the sun light
Victimized by last night
Memories flashin'
through my head
Was I just born or am I dead?
Yesterday's forgotten, the morning after

Sunday morning wasnt good, one by one, those who attended the BBQ lastnight logged onto MSN, slightly changing their name to death, slow & hungover related topics. Once I managed to get my head together, I walked into the livingroom - glasses everywhere, then into the kitchen, more glasses, so many glasses - I didnt think I had that many, maybe I didnt and other people turned up. Turning around, 9 empty wine bottles, half a bottle of southern comfort drank, three quarters of MSR drank, empty cans of carling - carnage, thats all it was. After forcing water down my throat, I managed to speak to Rich to find out what time Captain Bellis was picking us up to go to the gig, luckily this was 14:30 - so had time to clean up, get my act into gear, get showered and phone the folks. Hayfever kicked in -- making the very close possibility that I was snoring lastnight based on the fact I could hardly talk, even worse.

I managed some orange juice and chocolate brownie and ponderd with the News of the World - why do I ever drink! Fantastic night tho!!

BBQ & MSR & TMB (too much booze)

As mentioned below, I invited the usual suspects around (Rich, Cabin Boy Blunty, Nomes, Andy P, John, Debbie, Lush Helen, and Shim-shimminey-shim-shimminey-shimshim-shasham Fursal) - after previously getting burnt at the festival this afternoon, it was nice to just sit in the shade and relax. John and Debbie had plans elsewhere, but still managed to come around for preBBQ/preWho beers, Blunty went to a BBQ with his sister, and Fursal/Helen went to another BBQ.

Eventually, the usual suspects turned up, "healthy Rich" with his burgers, and stella -- Andy P and Nomes with their healthy option and wine. Halfway through setting up the BBQ and cooking my special spuds, 4 of the students walked along the canal on their way to the tiller pin, so I kindly suggested the popped over and got some beer - rather than going to the boozer. Fursal was with his real missus, not the fake one, Hayfever Boy Jason from football was also in tow with the above, and someone else who I recognise - but they were all welcome anyhow.

I was in the process of sorting my spuds out, when the phone went and my boss on the other end, asking if I was busy (yes) and if I could attend some conference call at 9:45. I told him that I was under the influence of alcohol, so much so, that speaking was becoming a problem - but he said it would be OK, and no customers were on. After 10 mins of trying to switch my phone on, I get on the conf call, only to find my Boss's Boss (the dude who first give me my interview) and he asked how I was, so suggested I was at a party and a little wasted, to which he laighed. Rich decided to play the goat, coming through shouting if I wanted more booze and I should hang up from the f**k**g I*io*s, but repeating it again and again, so much so, that 2nd line mgmt decided to guess who was there - and getting it wrong completely.

The booze flowed, so much so that the students went to the offie to get more in, and they returned and the booze flowed even slicker. We ran out of wine supply and I got my spirit cabnet out (Warning :- consists of 5 year old aftershock, whisky, spiced rum and southern comfort.) and made the students nice drinks. Mainly consisting of a pint glass, 1/2 coke, 1/2 spirits, tripple shots of Aftershock and far too much wine.

At one point of the night, most of the party were singing Gold, sadly without the aid of "Singstar" or the words, leaving Rich to stage dive the patio with the aid of alcohol, no crowd and narrowly missing a large concrete slab, thanks to miss fursal. The party was cleared up (mainly thanks to Nomes - cheers, you're a star!!) and disbanded around 00:30 (i think) - only to leave me to a coma, waking up in the middle of the night with a "teddybear dog" (called Cat) staring into my eyes.

Smarting of the Ways

The final episode of Dr Who, Saturday Afternoon, Bad Wolf, lots of secrecy, and a nice big bottle of cold white wine. I was determined to sit down in peace and quiet and watch the final part of the series trying to work out the warped mind that produced the return of Dr Who - fantastic all the way through, and to be honest, the final scenes a little rushed - maybe they should have had a 60 min episode. Fantastic acting tho, and to top it off, the egotistical Doctor (CE) finishing his role in the series with the following line;

Before I go, I just wanted to tell you, you were absolutely fantastic, and you know what, so was I

After the show, I had to get myself sorted as I'd invited some friends over for a little bit of BBQ, consisting of Steve's special Spuds - and I was already starting to feel light headed.

Peace Off!!!!!!

I've lived in Leamington for a number of years, and certain gatherings and get togethers either appeal, or dont. One of which is the Peace festival, historically (mainly because I drink at the nearest pub to where the festival is hosted) its always appeared to be a weekend for not washing, taking drugs, wearing TieDye (so wrong), hugging trees and preaching stuff to people who dont really care. I got the feeling that Debbie also felt this way about the whole two day event, but because they are kind neighbours (and always up for trying new stuff) I said I would come down and keep them both happy - and to protect John from buying TieDye tshirts. We got down there and it was a lovely day, so much so, I even wore shorts, tshirt and trainers, but stupidly didnt take any suntan lotion.

After bumping into Andy P at his stand to free some Shrew from a cave in Cornwall or something, we managed to get some Indian food (3 quid chef special, consisting of Pakora, etc) which was nice - and we sat in the sun, and listened to music on the stage. One of the dudes singing was class, so much so his lyrics made me laugh and my stomach hurt. "If I was a Taxi, I would drive you into town, If I was an alcoholic, I would be your bitch" and such like. Gav turned up and people started to get a little tearful that he was leaving to Africa to do "Chaarity work", but I give him helpful tips on how to survive - nibbling on your leg with your lips for example, if you get stuck in a rock fall, torturing your captured enermy, by nibbling on their legs with your lips etc.

After so much heat, that my eyes were melting, myself and Debbie decided to walk home - only via the pub for a swift drink of Carling - feeling light headed, we ventured to somerfield to get icecream.

I got back and washed my kitchen and bathroom floor, followed by washing the roof of John and Debbie's conservatory as it was getting on my nerves. I got so far, then John turned up, suggesting that we tape more than two ends of poles together - making it work - even in our heatstoke like minds - his worked - thus John and Debbie now have a clean conservatory roof.

Stefan's "Get Well" Plan

In a poor attempt to get fit, slimmer and healthier before my holiday, I have now engaged a 9 day get well plan - something most IBMers will be familiar with. The attempt is to do so much exercise, I can only get slimmer.

So far this week I have;

• Ran 2 miles on Monday and done some weights
• Ran 1 mile on Tuesday and done some more weights
• Played football on Wednesday for an hour - scoring 3 goals in a 3-3 draw in 5aside
• Took Thursday off due to muscle exhaustion * Warning - may have been a night out

Sadly, if I kept this up most of the year, I would have a) had my money's worth at the gym and b) be 3 stone lighter

For the plus side, I do feel better for it, bouncier and brighter - basically like the Stefan of Old and even had a comment made by a lovely lass saying this - mm

Where are you, Debbie?!?!?!

I dont know whats happened next door! Normally its loud, shouty and you can hear Debbie giggling her head off. However, the last week, I havent seen nor heard her. I can only assume that she's busy doing her exam marking before their holiday in a couple of weeks time, or she's been involved in some kind of crime - kidnapping, murder or locked in some kind of cellar.

If you know where Debbie's whereabouts are - please contact John and myself (unless John has her locked in the basement - then dont contact him)

I AM THE GOD OF ALL DALEKS

... No, not really - the power of suggestion.

After Saturdays fab episode of Doctor Who, the BBC are now teasing the nation with daily snippets of the final episode of the series. From Saturdays show, we saw Rose die, then later on, find out she had been teleported from the station to the Dalek space ship.

Here is Monday's trailer : Monday

From this, myself and John have narrowed it down to a Him, not being Rose, The TARDIS (an it), Rose's Mum - or Lynda (with a Y)

Just remember, WOR-SHIP HIM!! WOR-SHIP HIM!!!

Doctor Yay!

Certainly one of the best episodes of Doctor Who I've ever see. It had everything, action, comedy, hurt, love and most importantly, the return of the Daleks. I wasnt too sure with the reality tv theme at the start when I first saw the previous weeks trialer, but managed to move the story along quickly and link into the Game Station.

I opened a bottle of wine previously to the episode starting, I never touched a drop for the full 45 mins, thats how much on the edge of my seat I was.

Highlights to the show was the Doctor standing up to the Dalek's demands, then going on some rant about how he's going to save Rose, save the Earth, destroy the Daleks - without a plan - which "scares the Daleks to death" - Bit like an average day at work then really.

We're all going on a summer holiday

I dont mind clothes shopping for holidays, I hate getting the essentials - you know, Suntan lotion, bug killer, tablets etc. Takes most of the fun out of the shopping - and I love shopping - with a passion, so after 25 mins in Boots, hanging around the "suntan lotion" area - I just didnt know what to get. I know the basics, get a high one for a couple of days, then gradually go down in factors. (Yes, you know it - I'm aiming for a tan this year*)

Anyhooooo, a further 10 mins later, and 50 quid lighter, I walk away with the biggest bag of lotion, aftersun and other holiday essentials. I'm also a sucker for "new" or special editions of things - I am a Promotional Junkie to be fair (as he's drinking his Diet Coke with Lime) - So this year I'm armed with

• "NOW SPRAYS AT ALL ANGLES HYPOLALLERGENIC AFTERSUN",
• "NEW HAIR AND SCALP SUN PROTECTOR" and
• Calamine lotion (no, I dont know either).

Why is suntan lotion so expensive anyhow ? its cream - we all need it - so why does it cost so much ?

I bumped into Geordie Mike and his lass in the street, who asked "Why do you have pink hair?" - after palming the blame onto Debbie, I escaped into WH Smiths with a few of buying some books for holiday, but didnt - might have to chat to Rich about borrowing some of his fiction.

Couple of tshirts, books and mags - and we're wired for sound!

* Warning :- Tan maybe Eggshell White

Happy Friday On!

After my "power" sleep, I returned to my PC just incase anyone had tried to catch up with me - indeed, Debbie asked if I was interested in joining John and Debbie for a Curry somewhere in town. Part of me just wanted to go back to sleep and curl up in a ball, part of me thought if I do that, I'll be up at 2am not being able to sleep, and part of me thought it would be a really really good idea to get out and about. After Wednesday night's drunken take-away curry fest, I was interested in trying something different to the norm, but due to my brain stopping around Wednesday, I went on autopilot. Of course, I ended up having the usual, along with a pint of Cobra, which went down, in fact, probably woke me up a little.

We ended up in the Jug and Jester for a friday night bottle of wine between myself and Debbie, and John had a fantastic pint - we chatted, we chilled out and more importantly, we laughed and talked about Dr Who and the Big Wolf topic. Myself and John have been trying to dig around so much about it - guess its one of them things that if you look at something to closely, you cant see it, step back and its right there. But it wasnt right there - that was the annoying thing - but its fun trying to guess - and probably very sad to people who dont watch Doctor Who.

On return to John and Debbie's - we went via cost cutters to get a bottle of wine and we sat down to watch Big Brother eviction night. I had opened a bottle of wine the night before and also brought that around, John and Debbie also had a bottle in stock previous to the purchase, so we were well up on booze - thankfully. Big Brother was entertaining - loads of shouting, slagging off, hatred - basically like a Winlaton afternoon on pension day. We watched Johnny Vegas again, with the fab "celeb lockin" reality TV sketch - we managed to finish all 3 bottles of wine - and I needed sleep, so wobbled off home

Happy Friday Foo'

Walking between the Jug and Jester, and Costcutter - John noticed the below street art. There was also one of George Bush - but this made me laugh .... Sucker

"Aint getting on no god damn plane" - Mr T (pictured on a wall somewhere in Leam)

Happy Friday Off

I had today off, mainly due to the fact I could barely keep my eyes open most of the week and slowly getting more and more exhausted. Some of this is due to work, some of this has to do with burning the candle at both ends. I slept in til pretty late on - well around 10:45 ish - and spoke to Rich where he said they were thinking of having a couple of friday lunchtime beers. Not wanting to waste my day off, I was a little dubious, but still met up for some lunch and a quick Fosters. John O, Shammy Shamster Fursal and the lovely Vicky were all in place, just like the pic n' mix fitures at Woolworths.

Paid my Newcastle United PLC shares into the bank (13 quid - for an original investment of 400 quid - not bad when you consider other companies - Man Utd, some IT based companies - etc) and met up for another quiet one * in the Lounge. At this point I was getting a little dizzy, so decided to go home and pop back to bed for an hour or so.

"boss" meets Boss

I try not to talk about work on here, just on the off chance someone reports me to management and I get the sack, however this story is far amusing to be left off the Internet. Basically my boss decided to come to Warwick to talk about the work stack and career progression and we had a chinwag outside in the sun while he recieved a few phone calls. He was asked by one of the colleagues to go collect a couple of laptops from some dude in Warwick, and asked if I knew him, of course I didnt - so we set off wandering the corridors of the location looking for someone who might know. Anyhooo we end up around Rich and John's desk area, and still couldnt find this dude, so my boss asks if I knew anyone who might have access to our employee directory - so suggest Rich might.

[ ME ] - Rich, Can you do me a fav mate, look someone up on
bluepages
[ RICH ] - Do I look like your f*cking bluepages Bitch
[ ME ] - Rich, have you ever met my boss, Mike ?
[ RICH ] - Shit, eer whats the name again?
[ BOSS ] - Have you ever read the business conduct guidelines mister?
[ RICH ] - Err *BLUSHING*

Anyhow, guess you had to be there to find it amusing - Rich certainly was quiet at the pub at lunchtime.

Cutting It!!!

You may or may not know, but the BBC Drama Show, Cutting It returns to the screen on Tuesday (BBC2 9pm). I was also involved in some kind of hair dressing / styling sham on Saturday when Captain Rich called me up (we'd previously arranged to go for a sociable cup of tea in starbucks.)

After months of tempting the lad to getting a 21st century style hair do, he strangly phones me up, announcing that he's in Boots looking at the hair products and "what was that stuff you were recommending I put in my hair". After taking the mic for 2 mins and suggesting "Just for Men" I said I would come meet him, because the "Just got out of bed" style Gel is a little hard to find to the untrained eye. After humming and harring a little at the price, and finding my "getting my eyes back into white campaign" eye gel he agreed to pay the price and we went for a cuppa.

We arranged later to go out for a couple more sociable drinks, have a chin wag, when I notice he'd applied this Gel, but probably not in the correct manner. Now Rich was Slick Rick, and looking like something between a World War II American pilot and Barbie's boyfriend Ken.

Back to square one then

Is the end nigh ?

From an early age I loved Dr Who, maybe it was the tension, maybe it was the twists and turns - I had a Dr Who and TARDIS for one of my birthdays when I was a child - that's how much I enjoyed it. I've been awaiting the new series for eons and now its arrived, we've blinked and its nearly finished - with only two episodes left. A sneak preview of next weeks reality TV/return of the Dalek had me on edge - I don't care what anyone says, but I loved the battle between the Daleks and the Doctor - only one thing used to scare me more than the Daleks - and that was The Master.

I mentioned to anti-Who Rich at the start of the series that I was a little disappointed that it wasn't all one story - like in the olden days - where you had 8 episodes together, which made you sit down and watch it, but now I stand corrected. It appears that in all the episodes, there has been a link - "bad wolf" being one of them, all the way - even the website is scary! (Hit Ctrl-A on this link)

I so cant wait for next Saturday (probably only to be interrupted by work) - anyhow, myself and Captain John next door have been intrigued by the "teaser" - and came across a number of sites - claiming to decipher the meanings - including;

• Adam is in fact Davros (Dalek Leader)
• Adam is the creator of Davros and the Daleks
• The TARDIS is actually a weapon
• The numbers that have been used throughout the series are the phone number to vote The Doctor out of "Big Brother"

John came across the following link which may give more of an answer than anything. I've already read somewhere that The Doctor goes missing/"killed", leaving Rose to escape and navigate safely using the TARDIS. Lets pray that K9 pops up somewhere - so pleased I dont miss the very last episode due to holidays!

MSR - Diet Coke, On the Rocks

After Thursday nights episode of Stefan "Crazy Twitchy Eyes" Warburton, I had a decent night sleep and got up at a early to get on with work. To continue the theme of Happy Friday, John, Debbie and myself indulged in a little bit of Zizzi, which is the first time I've experienced such a pizza establishment and first impressions were that it was very friendly. The weather was a little strange all day, which only added to the heat of the open furnace making the place like a virtual BBQ. After a nice meal, friendly waitressing and general chit chat with the lovely neighbours, we walked over to Lounge for a quick drink. We parted our ways, John and Debbie going home to watch Big Brother and Johnny Vegas, and I meeting up with my "partner in crime" Captain Rich of Chesterfield.

Blunty (who wasn't there tonight) introduced me to a nice drink - Morgan Spiced Rum, with Coke (I changed it slightly to Diet Coke) - but its a nice little drink that you can sip all night - and not get drunk at all. Of course, after 3/4 of a bottle of wine, this theory was probably completely out of scope as the drunken night, got longer and I grinned a lot. Highlight of the night was Rich digging a hole by the second, for example:

[Girl] "I've been suspended from work"

*insert 20 mins*

[Rich] "HOW'S YOUR JOB GOING ???"

[Girl ] *CRIES*

I think somehow I've also annoyed / narked the lovely barmaid off as well, or perhaps its just a bad night, but didn't get the normal flirty bouncy chitchat that I normally get - but then again,, I was probably a jibbering mess in the corner thinking I was sober as anything.

I received two text messages, one from each of John and Debbie, giving me the answer to who got evicted from the Big Brother House. All I can say, is that I'm disappointed by one of them, no one likes lies, and we all know that baby Jesus cries when lies are told!

For some reason, even after a starter and main meal in Zizzi's, I still managed to end up with "The Well's after hours food parcel" consisting of Cheesy Chips.

Entered Coma at some point

May MSN Chat Chart

For the Month of May ... Here are the top 5 people I've been chatting to on MSN;

1. Captain Rich
2. Neighbour Debbie
3. Lovely Helen
4. Oxford Sam
5. Stoodent Vicky

Happy 21st Birthday Miss Humphrey

Went out lastnight for Helen H's 21st Birthday lastnight with Captain Rich. Popped down to the Well for a quiet couple, only to find that the birthday girl was gonna bugger off after 60 mins, leaving the usual suspects, Captain R, Cabin Boy Blunty, Shamster Fursal and myself to drink til closing.

Mr Humphrey :- not his 21st

Robbins Well Quiz - GOLD!

Its been a long time coming, but Steve and Rich return to the Sunday Night pub quiz for a bit of banter, a little more alcohol and a little more utilising external resources. I bumped into Rich in town earlier that day and asked if he fancied it, and by that point he wasnt really sure, and I was very close to just having a fairly quiet night in front of the TV with maybe a a glass or two of wine. Mmmm Wine.

Anyhoo, in a phone call of desperation, Rich asked if I was still up for it, and we arranged to meet just after 7ish - where we joined Bootsy and his Ginger headed friend for the quiz. We got off to a good start, a little help from the barstaff I have to admit, but we filled the picture round in, and successfully managed to get into a 4 way tie with 3 other teams - we should have one that "peg head" tie, only due to some peckers pecking around. Almost immediately, these peckers invaded my private space with a view to stealing our answers. 2nd round, we managed to win by 1 point - going ahead of the pecker team, who by now had a subscription to o2's WAP service and were paying by the minute. The 3rd round was again tied, and after Bootsy and his Ginger headed partner in crime had done the 1st tie breaker, Rich agreed to come up with me - not really knowing it was "paint a car crash" - and at that point not really knowing that he was the canvas to which my artistic talents would be used. As you can see below - a fantastic image - where as the other 3 teams decided that ALL BLACK represented a car crash (no, fools) so Captain Andy decided whoever got to Vialli's and back again first would win.

Rich, pictured centre - looking like a victim of hit and run

Anyone knowing Rich, would understand that sprinting 300metres is not his strong point, unless there is a) Stella b) Stella or c) Stella involved. So we lost that round, but still managed to keep our heads above the quiz water. The General knowledge round appeared to be our strong point, mainly due to Bootsy having to draw the best Leech in the room - which he done very well, earning us 5 extra bonus points and the pecker team dropping a couple.

We managed to get 10 out of 10 on the pic round, and 10 out of 12 on the PS2 round (substituted for the sports round for some strange reason) - only dropping one point against the peckers.

Net result - 4 people winning 78 quid, voucher for 4 Pizza Hut, 4 Luxury Burgers and a big smile! Fantastic, being kind that I am, I suggested to the Team that we put 10 quid behind the bar to the staff as they did technically help us win it.

Other highlights of the night :-

• A grown 20 odd year old - Boozed up and crying, so much so, that when he stood up, he cried, when he sat down, stopped, but then continued crying. Brought so much humour to the Well, that everyone was stood around him, rubbing their eyes, and sniffing and mocking the water works. Worked tho, had loads of birds around him looking after him - note to self - cry in public place and get women looking after you and touching you all over
• GOLD (Spandau Ballet) being shouted for, and this time, not really by us. See, people say sometimes that I'm not cultured, although I have brought Spandau Ballet and Gold to the lives of litterally 100s of people. This was a nice chinwag
• Seeing the nice barmaid smile (and remembering that Debbie said that she is the ideal person for me, from the Eurovision song contest party)
• Rugby tackling the guys coming in from "Vialli's Race" while Rich was trying to catch up
• Watching Rich barely able to speak and heading towards Vialli's for a Kebab

All in all, a good profit making night

Dr Who's In The House!?!

After randomly trying to find the modern day Dr Who theme tune to upload to my Nokia 6630 as a ring tune, I came across this website :

http://whomix.trilete.net/

Under the music section, you're able to download the Dr Who theme tune that someone else has mixed around with and altered slightly in hope that they will be selected for the next series. They come under different genres, ideas and artistic perfects, however the Band Aid one is slightly amusing towards the end.

Happy BBQ Friday & Big Brother 6

After abusing my body with Alcohol badly since Tuesday, I thought I had better quieten down, before my body just breaks - and nobody wants a broken body, do they ? So, rather than the typical Curry, Wine, Late night Happy Friday, I thought I would dust of the BBQ for the first time this year, buy charcole and invite the Happy Friday Gang around - to which they done a great job purchasing lovely BBQ'ing style food - burgers, sausages n' such like. 2 nano seconds before I was about to start the BBQ, get it up and ready for the lovely neighbours arriving, my boss kindly gave me a call and asked if I could help with a few things, which is where I found Rich having his own Hell Friday trying to resolve some issues - so asked if he fancied coming down later on. Once resolving what was my side of the problem - aka battered it onto the people who should have got called out on a Friday afternoon, the BBQ was lit, the guests arrived and indulged in some slow wine drinking by the side of the canal. Towards finishing food, john reminded us that Big Brother was starting tonight and if I fancied joining them next door at their gaff to freakbash the new contestants - who could refuse that?

Supping on the next bottle of relaxing white wine - mmm - the contestants went in one by one - each one becoming freakier, scarier, bitchier and more self obsessed than the previous one. Reality TV should be about normal people interacting with other normal people - not systematically hand picked to see if Mr Chalk and Miss Cheese will cop off with one another, or Miss Labour Lesbian will punch Mr Conservative Gayhater, nor Miss stereotypical barbie/professional model would get her waps out in 3 nanoseconds of getting into the blunge pool. Anyhoooo, after this thought bothering me for more than 2 seconds, I started to drool at the profressional model who had lovely big waps and wondered when she would be getting them out in public.

After watching Big Brother, and Big Brother's little Brother and a big of Big Brother Live - John switched over to Channel 4 to see "Johnny Vegas - 18 stone of Idiot" which has to be one of the funniest and strangest TV Comedy/Live Show I've seen for a long while. One of the sections was TV Reality "Celeb Lock-in" where z-list celebs battle it out to be the last man standing - "Who goes, the Booze decides". During this, I received text messages from an old fling, faffing around with me in a boozed up state on a complete wind up - annoying and pissing me off.

After this finished and myself and Debbie shared the best part of 3 or 4 bottles of wine - I decided to waddle back to my place, where I found myself still logged into work, and was asked to go in to work to give some onsite presence. Turns out, this problem I earlier battered back had escalated (no fault of my own) and there was noone in Warwick. I explained I didnt have a car, even if I had, I couldnt legally drive, and even getting past them two small issues, I might not have got past reception, mainly due to the fact I ws stinking of 4 bottles of wine, BBQ smoke and firelighters. To which point, I fell into my coma

Chinese Ducked Over

After feeling a little crud all day, Rich announced that there was going to be a nice all paid for meal on the company to entertain the nice Americans that have come over to do some outsourcing work. At around 3pm, I said to Rich I was feeling so crud, and tired that I was gonna skip, have an early night and stay away from booze. Rich of course was a bit miffed at this and give me a sarcastic hard time to see if I would change my mind, and of course I did - mainly due to the fact I had another stressful day at work and needed to get out for a while.

We met in the Lounge where Rich continued to look his noneself, and after coughing and spluttering a number of times, he said he was going to skip the food. Just at the same time this was made public, Captain John O (Mad Irish Dude) and Ship Ahoy Blunty turned up, at which point I think Rich knew he needed a could of medicinal Stellas to recover. Rich kindly give me access to his AMEX card incase he didn't make it down to the Chinese gaff - assuming he wanted me to sign on his behalf.

So, like back at school, and in some sham of a crocodile line, 10 of us waddled down the streets of Leamington Spa to the emperor's Restaurant. Under the orders of Rich, "get set meals, some wine and drinks - no champers, no piss take, but make sure they have a good time" and by the time I get to the bar and just about to take the first sip of my Tiger beer (thanks Bob) I get asked to navigate one of our colleagues who was lost in down, driving around and confused. Stress was already rising to a lovely high level by this point, but managed it - basing directions on public houses, shops and a fire station - so eventually we all seat, apart from Fursal, "his missus" and Captain Cold Rich. Fursal turns up with someone who is deffo not his bird, turns out its one of his mates - but she was stunning, and very nice to talk too. At this point, I decided (after 2 glasses of white wine, some Chinese beer and that bottle of tiger) to send Rich a text message with a photo of his amex card dunked into a glass of wine. I don't think he found this funny at all, and probably prompted him to drink his pint and slowly walk down. The food was very nice, we did have a laugh (mainly at Bob now drinking none-alcoholic lager) and entertained the American delegate. Champers was brought up, but I was well behaved (liking a couple of sips myself once in a while ) and said if they wanted champers, they would have to call Rich - and I knew he would say no anyhow.

After the meal, we pop over to the Jug where I bought a 25 quid round - only two people said thanks, which annoyed me - none of these people were the Americans, which started to wind me up even more than I was stressed at this point. We gave the Americans the option of drinking for a longer period of time (aka The Well) or taking in the culture of Clubbing in Leamington Spa (aka Mirage or Rios) of which, the selected The Well. Of course, the Americans "were getting tired" and shammed off to their swanky hotel, and left the Brits to continue to destress from the American attitude (only to have nipples tweaked by the American bird in the process). Everyone else got kicked out at god knows when, and we were then supplied with Diplomatic immunity and able to stay til again, god knows when. Although I did have the opportunity to help bottle up and become Stefan Warburton - Pub Landlord for 15 mins, bar'ing Rich, much to his disgust.

Stumbled home - talked to Rich about rubbish til 3ish in the street - entered Coma

Full House

After playing 5aside football, I arranged to meet Captain Rich and Sailorboy Blunty down the pub to watch the Liverpool v Milan cup final. This time last year, Newcastle United were fighting to gain 4th spot in the league to get into the league, only to miss out final game of the season (needing a win, from what I can remember). Anyhoo, due to the fact I had to call my mother, I was running late and attended just as Milan scored their 2nd goal (1st goal scored after 4 nanoseconds or something). At half time, Milan were ahead 3-0, and the night looking a little miserable, the guy standing at the bar gave some kind of abuse, admitted he was a scouser and was going back to his hotel. In 10 mins of complete madness, Liverpool managed to level it back to 3-3 and took the game to pens (always a miserable life if you're a toon fan) - and somehow managed to win. We can only assume that this scouse bloke went back to the hotel, watched xxx films all night to cheer himself up - missed the full game and drank himself into a coma, only to miss one of the most exciting finals in history.

Anyhoooooooooooooooooo, at 10:45, Captain Rich made his excuses and left due to the fact he had customer meetings first thing in the morning. Myself and Blunty decided to drink on, although fearing it was going to be messy as I came out on an empty stomach. Takeaway or some kind of curry was on the cards, but as per the norm, we stayed after hours, this time, being invited into a game of Poker. I played poker once - when i was 14, against Pete Williams, Phil Lynch and Rich Bradford - and due to being so boozed up on White Lightening or something, we just laughed our heads off and lost matchsticks. Anyway, myself and Blunty said we would just watch and we got some bottles and sat quietly in the darkness (not heckling at all *)

I managed to get back at 2am or some grand time, allowing me to look like crap, and feel like crap for the most of the day.

Exterminate!!!!

I was tipped off by Captain Rich that there was a Dalek in one of the customer areas at work today. Of course, Rich tends to mix his faces and names up slightly, so I didnt think of it twice until I mentioned it to Neighbour John who sent me a multimedia text message waving and looking equally shocked. One of the students (lovely Helen) kindly emailed me a decent photo of it - sadly due to hair colour issues, I didnt make it into the office myself - but here you go. All I can assume is that the current "Back into Black Campaign" has recruited ruthless beings from another planet to scare the living day lights out of people, in an attempt to get them to resign quicker without a "package"

Dalek, pictured centre

Maybe performance will go up with the company's new found "business model"

FA Cup Final 2005 :: Wasting my time and energy

Captain Rich had mentioned during the week that there might be an FA Cup booze up session on saturday afternoon, but hadnt made much of an effort in the way of plans. After a nice sleep in on saturday morning, I popped into town to get some food, and some new jeans, gave Rich a call and tried to work out what was happening. Anyhoo, that was still undecided, so we plucked the Well, mainly because its cheap for beer - we arranged to get there for around 2.30 to get a pint in and get a decent chair. Captain Blunty, Captain John-O, and Shamster Fursal turned up and we all enjoyed American related football banter to wind up Man U-mad John-O. After 90 minutes of boredom (well technically Rich was only interested coz he had 2 notes on the game - which ruined his "get back into black campaign" in the first 45 mins) - the two teams decided they havent pushed us to the levels of depression enough, so made us endure a further 30 mins of extra time.

The game of course went to pen's - which from my own football related misery, can relate to the stress John-O was going through, but I still laughed. I went into the game hoping Arsenal would scoop the prize, until some prize pecker decided to annoy the pub with his singing, chanting, spuring his team on and jumping around like a stunt man - this changed my mind to "follow" the red devils *spit*. This jumping around and general state of this bloke's sham continued, so I felt the need to "tell him how it was" which stressed me out a little more.

After the misery of the football, John-O left to see some bird, Rich left to continue his "drinking-lite" program, so it was left to Blunty, me and Fursal to continue the drinking. We ordered some food, the chairs and tables were somehow moved around without me seeing who done it, and sat down to watch Dr Who on the big screen (in between getting a kiss on the cheek from the lovely barmaid again - mmm). The Theme tune kicked off, our food arrived in perfect timing - we started watching the graphics - then all of a sudden, TV changed to the music jukebox. I asked why, and got "they arnt allowed to show it" - but 30 mins earlier - they had BBC 1 on for the FA Cup Final. At this point I was told to shut up and eat my food - nice, customer service skills going up then.

Anyhooo, rather than moving around, we decided to prop the end of the bar up for a little longer - then Blunty (who would die apparently if he drank lager) showed us the world of Spiced Rum and Coke - tastes like "pop" and appears not to get you drunk - one of these new age slow drinks, if you will. We continued this, had a laugh, took the mic out of Fursal, tried to flirt with the lovely barmaid and almost nigh on impossible, trying to make Larry smile. After last orders, we ordered another round of drinks using the "special tuesday" rate and sup'd up. After we eventually decided to leave, we ventured down to Viali's for some special food - namely chips and pitta bread - mmm. At this point Fursal's lass phoned him and turns out she was in the buff in bed - which is lovely, until I end up speaking to her and having a completely bizzar conversation with her, esp when he was standing right there. Its just not right!! simple as that.

Man meets machine

We watched the below man, laugh, giggle and smile at the car wash machine for about 5 mins - we couldnt understand why! The only assumption is that he saw someone else laugh before him, who saw someone laugh before them etc etc, who was probably listening to BBC Radio 2 way back in November.

Happy Man - pictured centre behind amusing computer

We can only therefore assume that when we laughed as we entered the car wash - we continued the link all day - you never know, there might be someone at the car wash right now laughing!

See Rich, thats what Labour brings to this country!! If it was run by Tories, Thatcher would have stolen all the keys from the keypad and all the water too.

What is so funny about ....

.....this ?

Car wash, pictured centre.

Chilled Out Saturday

After the night before of the strange, I decided probably sleeping a little was wise - well, you know, how much more of Debbie could I take. She was very lady like - but also very time consuming. I arose around lunch time, and straight away, she was asking what we were up too, a little like one of them springer spanials - but just drinks like a fish.

Anyhoo, after hours of nagging I finally agreed to spend some more time with her, so we went up to the Ford garage to look for a new car. Its been a while without a car and now get the urge to go with a car - something simple, sometime cheap, something like a normal Ford Ka - however ended up coming out with information on SportsKa and Fiest Zetec S (something I was looking at back in Jan).

Once we got back from the garage, we walked into town, wandered around and perfection - complete and utter silence - Debbie tucks into her Hot Beef Sandwich. Tell you, 20 mins of pure silence ;o). Na - I'm joking of course, we done some shopping, decided that after we got back, we should dye my hair. Dont know what happened, maybe it was the 30 mins in Boots pickering about what Shampoo she wanted, but I fancied a change. We picked Copper Blonde, dont know why, just looked a half way house at the time, nothing to dark, nothing to light - but we went with it anyhow. We got back, had "Steve-free quality time" ironed some clothes to pop out for some beer, Debbie kindly ordered a couple of pizzas and came around to dye my hair. its one of them wash in-washout things, but to be fair, I dont think either of us have a clue.

After looking completely confused at the fact that there was no change whatsoever, we sat down and watched Dr Who and ate our pizza, still looking confused at my hair. Once completed, we got out gladrags on, and popped down to the Jug for a couple of bottles of wine, thats all it was supposed to be, but as per the norm, didnt. We ended up in the Well, drinking bottles of italian beer or mexican beer - depending on the owner and chitchatting to random people. We had a couple of beers, sang to "buttercup" and ended up getting locked in, once again, talking to the barstaff , this time getting a sober kiss from the lovely barmaid - mmmm.

Once again, we returned to Canal House Towers, agreeing maybe it wasnt such a great idea that we sank two bottles of wine and then drank beer for 6 hours, tipped our hats and wished each other good day only to fall into some kind of wine/beer-based coma.

Happy Friday the 13th - So True

Today lived up to the expectations - so much so, I should have just rolled over and went back to sleep. From the minute I logged on, til around 6.30pm working - nothing but hassle, pain, pressure and stress. People wanting stuff done because the felt the need to annoy me and my team - all good and well you think - but not when its around 4.30 pm and you would think people should be going home.

My saving friday grace - winding down beverage - however someone was missing - the funnier half of Leamington Spa's Rod Hull and Emu. John had decided he was going to Brum for the weekend for a stag do, and I was given the fantastic, but challenging opportunity of entertaining young Debbie. So we decided to carry on the theme of Happy Friday Curry - beer, wine and late nights. This was great until we got to the Curry House, where I felt I should just head back then. Not only was it friday the 13th, but we had also entered the strange and bizzar < insert music from tales of the unexpected > of THE GAYEST CURRY HOUSE IN THE WORLD.

All seemed well, until we sat down, ordered a drink and some food, and waiter #1 commented on how well dressed I was, not a word to poor debbie (looking lady like). Waiter #2 then commented on how lovely my new phone looked, then waiter #3 walked up and said "Easy Tiger!". Sadly we didnt go back home, but indulged in further exploits in alcohol abuse but having a pint or two in the Jug and Jester, then heading over to the Well for a couple.

This is where I received a phone call from the lovely Helen who lives with one of the students I worked with last year, Dr David Kelly, much to my amusement. He's not actually a Doctor, nor is he working undercover as a weapons inspector, but it was topical at the time and its just gone on from there. Anyhoo, I arranged to meet the lovely Helen, and Dr David Kelly in the Lounge - where we had a quick drink, said hellos ( esp when this is the first time ive actually met her ) and wished lovely Helen a happy birthday. I asked if they fancied coming back to the Well for a couple as thats what you do on your birthday, but as they had exams on Monday, they decided it probably wasnt wise. At which point, a number of random comments were shouted from around the table such as;

• "The Internet is Broken, its Broken, THE INTERNET IS BROKEN"
• "JESUS, YOU'VE BROKEN THE STUDENTS"
• "When we were at Uni, we used to turn up drunk to exams and still pass"
• "Oh Helen, you are lovely"
• "mmm this Stella tastes fine - Rich would love a nice pint of this"
• "Pecker"

Of course, we convinced the students to come for a drink before their last bus turned up - one student was litterally shaking when we got to the Well, still convinced that the Virtual World was falling down on the e-Chicken Licken and still being bellowed at by Debbie.

After this, the students buggered off to student-ville and myself and Debbie kept the side up, but drinking more, getting locked in after hours once the bouncer had worked out who Larry ("Larry who ?", 'You know, the Larry who pays your wages') was. After getting a couple of kisses on the cheek from a drunken barmaid who had the night off, it was safe to return home for a coma-based sleep.

stitchhikers guide to the galaxy

After playing 90 mins of constant football, scoring a nice goal and getting cramp in my legs three times, I'd previously agreed to meet nomes and andy at the cinema. Orange are doing a nice promotion if you spend over 5 quid or something where you can send a text message to a number and receive a random text message. You then take this to the cinema (the Apollo in Leam is part of the promotion) and the dude(ss) inputs this number into the biggest calculator in the world and out pops a free ticket. Andy brought one of his funky pot mates ( I can only assume as he was wearing a jumper on one of the hottest days of the year) so we all paid 3 pound each (New English Pounds) to see the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy.

A good film if you go in with a blank mind of what was previously in the TV shows, Radio Shows and Book, in fact I thought it was a very good alternative ending. Trillian was pretty foxy, however due to my muscles cooling down, I could barely walk when the lights went up after the film finished.

Modern Science!

Walking along the canal this afternoon - and find this magical invention - time travel, nar! I'm gonna float myself to France for a booze cruise on the cheap!

A chair, floating on the canal, yesterday (pictured centre)

Bonjour

coming back from london all battered and bruised ( from the blogpost still in draft and will be submitted shortly) I thought I would ask John and Debbie out for a meal and some wine to say thanks for looking after my place while I was away. Of course, like a bull to a red rag, 18:30 we were on our way to Millenium-mmy, one of the local curry houses. John made it clear that after spending approx 3.3nanoseconds in bed due to watching the election coverage he wasnt up for a massive session, and I appriciate that. So, after the meal we went to The Jug for a bottle of red (john) and a bottle of white (me) and debbie swung between the two. I havent seen Rich for a while so we arranged to meet up at some point, somewhere, maybe, if we bumped into one another and the day ended in "y" and there was Stella on the tab, which of course, being friday and there being stella on the pump, we met.

Over the last couple of months ive developed a thing for the french women (see previous posts to be arrange) so it was nice to see a french lass in the Well, so after overhearing convos, we took the poor lass under our wings, and talked to her. Turns out she's been in the country for about 3 weeks, knows little english (although very impressive tho it is) and likes the music of the Well. In between the "Sowwie, I dunt understaand" of my geordie / drunken accent and Rich's "off his face but talks a little slowly than I", I think she almost gave up on us. Although after uncle Steve's "map of the UK on the back of a bar mat" education 30 mins, she understood why - although she was still confused that at my diagram, Scotland was larger than the beer stain that we called Wales (sorry John).

After the prospect of getting drunk under the table, we wished the lovely french lass a good night, and left her to drive home to the family she was staying with and hopefully meet up with her tomorrow night if we get out and drink beer :: Never ::

Qui ?

after being rejected for the 2nd time from the lovely Sophie (France) over the football subject, she asked if I was interested in meeting up with her friends at a local pub, so of course I agree. Its not often you meet someone who is so nice on the outside and also on the inside - and has such a fantastic smile (something I really go for), so obviously being serioulsly interested, I agree but suggest that I might not be able to make the 5pm kick off due to some people wanting to do their own things. So me and Captain Tatt escape from the mental office to have a couple of beers and some food and eventually some chin wag. Mark decides he wants to have a quiet night, and in reality, if I wasnt that interested in Soph, I might have done the same thing - but sadly - Captain Channing and myself walk the streets of London to meet up with the party of colleagues.

Sophie had previously given me her number incase of any issues, and thats a massive step, I dont really do that kind of thing, well without going "Captain Scarlett" but without the Mysterons, but we get on well. So without wanting to look wet and phone up saying "please, I dont live here, can you help, si cald" we wandered around and eventually found this place under the railway tracks. Nice place, so after captain Channing decided to coat me in red wine over my nice white tshirt, myself and Sophie get chatting. Earlier, her mate said that she didnt want to see Soph get hurt and used and abused, and close friends will vouch that I dont do that kind of thing and told Soph's friend this. Having 4 pints before hand, I was a little drunk, but also a little geordie-cocky (tm) so asked Sophie if she would be interested in coming to see me one weekend - which maybe she's just nodding to keep me quiet, or she would like to come see me for a weekend, I really do hope its the latter.

We get out of this pub (Ev) and someone suggests going back to a flat, and after returning to the "I'm 16 mister, can you sell me some booze after hours in a town where I dont know, nor do I know you are an undercover copper" we get a mixture of Fosters, Port, Cider and god knows what else. On arrival at this blokes place, he decides porn is the way forward, to which the girls make a fast exit, so I change the scene by finding "best of the 80s CD" unopened and play this at massive volumes on his nice brand new stereo, much to his displeasure. After talking, smiling, looking at the floor thinking what the hell is going on, we end up leaving around 02:45, only to get to bed after a 20 min walk and needing to be checked out of the hotel by 10am. Ended up with breakfast, just, and not giving back any free vommit style breakfast, I ventured to work, where we done some work, I looked pie-eyed, as did many others and left London to return to leamington around 4pm - nice. The hotel were kind enough to only charge me only 2 out of the 3 nights I was there, so at least I've managed to input into the business's cost recovery scheme *

Football Objective #4 :: Completed.

I've got a number of goals in life, some are linked to the football world. One of which was seeing Newcastle United play in London against a London Team. Spookily, Wednesday night, Fulham hosted the toon, so after asking if Captain Tatt was interesting in taking some football, I ordered 2 tickets on the super-inter-web-high-way from their webpage and told to pick them up a couple of mins before the game. As it was out first day on the test, it was taking the mic a little to ask to leave early - but we did anyhow. We get the tube from black friars over to putney bridge and enjoy the spacious transportation that London underground could provide * (Warning :- no personal space whatsoever). We get to Earls Court, and 4 pretty attractive 18/19 year old girls get on, look at me, smile and talk in tongues with each other. One of them then walks up to me and asks, "Are you going to Craven Cottage? ", to which I reply, "Yes", she then asks, "Do you know the way?", and to my delight I reply with "No". I suggested that we stuck together, mainly because they were fit and I was lost in London.

Anyhoo, we get to Craven Cottage, pick the tickets up, have a beer and a hotdog and we're wired for sound - only to find the seats. I've been to a number of stadiums and they tend to bung the away fans in a corner - or in the worst section with minimal view. We had tickets about 10 rows behind the goal and on a level where you could almost touch the players - fantastic.

The away toon army fans in my personal opinion are much better than the home toon fans, 90 mins of constant singing, banter and putting the home fans to shame. Some of the songs included:-

• "Ohh Shola Am-eobi" to the Hoke Coke
• Stand up if you love the toon
• Shirts off, if you love the toon
• Pogo if you love the toon
• (my fav) Shoes off if you love the toon
• Clarkie is a Geordie (to the Fulham midfielder who used to play for us)
• There's only one, Shay Given

There was some London Toff "toon" fan who was so boozed off his face, he randomly tried to get his section to stand up and "love the toon" - but done it so pathetically, it was funny. After 30 mins of standing up, turning around, "conducting" his section with his fingers, someone shouts out "Shut up and sit down" - I can only describe this guy of curling up in a ball and nearly crying.

Anyhoo, the Toon won 3-1 - the first time in craven cottage for about 30 years - and a change from getting beaten. After the players came off, we returned to the tube station, only to get back to the hotel in time to have 2 pints and an early night.

Fantastic night.

Canal Fest :: Lovely

Friday afternoon was lovely to work from home. Sat by the canal working in the sun (squinting at the laptop in the bright light and heat) a number of barges moored up, unloaded and wandered into town. All good and well you think, and I was amused by the fact most of them had beards and jesus like footwear. Anyhow, I pottered about a bit, went into town, bought a couple of vintage Dr Who DVDs and some food. Got back to my gaff and it was something like out of howards way with rows and rows of canal barges.

Anyhoo, the darkness appears (not the band, the time of day) and Captain Rich (without his canal barge) asks if I would be interested in a quiet drink, of which, how could I refuse. Things are a little hazy, but I can only assume alcohol was involved.

The next morning, I wake up to some Canal-Fest (tm) on the opposite side of the towpath. All good and well, but when you over look it the festival from the front room, it becomes a bit of an issue - well, only by the fact I couldnt walk around naked.

After sunbathing, reading a book, and getting looked at by passers by on the canal, I decided a walk up to homebase to buy some plants and gloss paint for the windows was in order. Nice brisk walk in the sun (and my arms getting eggshell white) and 25 quid lighter I returned to loads of people taking photos of our building, so abuse was in order. Returned to my bottle of wine after dark and started watching the 2nd of the 2 Dr Who DVDs I bought the previous day - then ended up in bed somehow after ending up in a coma.

Now, Sunday, a day of rest, sleeping and coma recovery - you would think - no, not really - Culture Club and Karma Chameleon blasting at 3 million decibels is always a great way to wake up. During sunday lunch, I was subjected to live music, consisting of "the boys are back in town" , "Day Tripper" and other random tracks from way back then. The princess and the wolf came around for a visit, who then successfully a) tidied up my plants and b) got rid of my weeds while I sat around and sunbathed a little further.

Happy Birthday Bellis

In true tradional birthday style, it was decided that Mr Bellis' celebration would take place on a thursday in Leamington Spa. Captain Rich kindly arranged all the activities (so it was a wonder everyone who was due to turn up, did) so we started off at the Hogs Head (Old Butchers just doesnt sound right) for a couple of beers. We then went to Chiquos for some grub and ended up feeding Bellis with nice hot spicy food and strong alcohol. Anyone who is anyone and has been out with Mr Bellis on a nightout knows that he has a tendancy of drinking huge amounts in a short space of time, getting boozed up and telling his sob story in some kind of pathetic, but interesting tap session.

Anyhoo, after some interesting food * we ended up having a swift one in Yates which is a pub I associate with chavs. I dont know why, the one in Newcastle is really nice, and I'm told that the one in Nottingham (or whereever bob was trying to suggest in some highpitch sham) is also nice. Anyhow, you have to put up and shut up when its someones birthday, so we had a pint in there where Bellis annnounces he's going to meet up with remaining people over at the Hogs Head, so I suggest that I go with him, incase he has 15 pints in 3 nanoseconds. After 15 pints in 3 nanoseconds, Rich and the remaining party turn up and everyone is a little bit mashed. Rather than going to a club and spending 60 quid on a pint of lager, we decide that we'll go to the Well as its cheap and cheerful - and more importantly, we can blag some more hand puppets.

Happy Friday II

Continuing the theme of going out on friday nights and getting steamed along with some sociable food, John had decided he wanted to go for a Pizza this week rather than a curry. This was fine by me as I'd already had one this week on Wednesday, but John decided he wanted to try the new promotional 4x4 pizza at Pizza Hut. This consisted of a 4 different pizzas, split into four, strange, but very very very true. I went for the tranditional Ham and Pineapple on "Fluffy Pan (tm)" bread (no cherry's tho) and even dabbled in none-alcoholic drinks.

After this, we headed to the Jug for a traditional friday night Jug fueled beer session, but after one pint it was a little busy and we still didnt have a seat. We wandered over to the avenue to see if they had any spare seats, which they didnt, and the same is very true for TJs. We ended up in Kelsey's for a pint when John said he was going to go home to play some Lego Starwars and get an early night. I kindly suggested to Debbie that if she wanted a couple more quiet ones, I would look after her and return her safely to their flat.

Anyhoo, we ventured into the Well, which I havent been in for a while, so was nice to catch up with people I knew quite well - mostly being barstaff. We had a couple and we were about to leave, when I spotted some Chav like boy just helping himself from pumps to fill his pint up. Obviously being upset about this, as my friends from behind the bar have to repay the company for any booze going missing, and more the fact that I didnt think of it first, I passed the message onto an old drinking Chum Barman Jack. Two friendly bouncer people came over, took one look at them (one was still pouring his pint at the time) and chucked them out. I suggested to Jack that I deserved a free pint (or I would help myself from the bar) to which he decided a free drink for me and Debbie would be fitting. You can see the reward here :- Reward

After this crime fighting activity, I was thirsty, so we had a couple more, then they called last orders - and yes, you guessed it, we ended up staying after hours for a nice relaxing beverage with the bar staff. A couple of quiet drinks no, a sociable night out with friends, yes

no nice jugs

I was in the mood for a thursday night couple of beers and after finishing work, suggested to John and Debbie we pop down to the Jug and Jester for a couple of quiet ones - maybe a bottle of white wine. The main reason behind this was there is a fit barmaid who works there, and got chatting to her last thursday when newcastle got knocked out of European football (who needs europe anyhow!! theres always the league). So Steve's theory was that if she was there last thursday, surely she's gonna be there this week - . Anyhoo, Rich had been off work most of the week being Si Cald, and was just returning to full strength so thought I would invite him out too as a sociable thing to do and to catch up with a friend.

Anyhoo, loads of beers were drank, we were sociable, but not sexy barmaid - boo! Lesson learnt - dont try to hard coz someone upstairs will always knock you right back down! Damn you jebus!!

Football, Curry Lager - a man's best friend

After another awful day at work, we played the usual 5aside football over at St Nicks Park. As with last week, we managed to get two hours with of playing due to the chav kids who play at 7 must have been off for half term still. Anyhoo, after these 2 hours and my arms still knackered from monday's gym session, I got the tip off that there were some people out in town from work having a "JTs got a night out pass" sesh. After getting in, showering and jogging up into town, there were the usual suspects, JT (obviously), who looked like he'd been drinking all day, Fursal looking his normal sham, the lovely Donny Bird, Vicky and Captain Blunty. There were some others there - but they were too shit faced to know who I was. From the Lounger, we wandered over to Voodoo (a pub that I hate with a passion) and had a couple more stellas.

After football and 3 pints of Stella, I was feeling the force (anger leads to the dark side!!!) and suggested some kind of late night session at the curry house. 5 others (including blunty and JT attended the Paprika Club which is a place I havent attended for a long time, but has nice good. After far too much beer, there is one thing you dont like to see, a grown man dribbling into his curry, courtesy of JT. At one point it was suggested that Pretty Boy Crossie was gay, and his marrage to his pretty wife was just a sham and cover up, to which he took to quite well, and entered camp mode, "Oh pass me the popadoms darlin'"

noooo mooosic

I recieved a nice text from John (of John and Debbie Inc) asking me if I fancied going down the Jug and Jester to listen to some live music. Its a while since i've been out on a Monday night, and listening to live music, so jumped at the chance. I got down there, John, Debbie (nice hair) and Gav were there and a number of people bustling around. The line up was;

• Royal Finger Puppets
• Hinterland
• The Samurai Seven

The latter were my fav out of the two, reminded me of the Monkees - but on drugs, and redbull. They were a little punkie, but amusing punk, one of their songs was called FBI (or something like that) about a girlfriend being suspect of an affair - or i could have just made that up. John bought the album, so I'm gonna try ripping it off him - yay!

All in all, an entertaining night had by all

....well, always the league.

After Thursdays failure to pass thru to the UEFA semi finals, the only chance of silverwear this year is to beat Man United, then Arsenal (in the final) - on a day that started off so beautiful, turned into a complete misery. After suggesting Sunday lunch in a pub for a change, reading the sunday papers and a spot of Cup Glory, we rested our tired heads (me and Rich went out for a couple of beers lastnight) in the Old Butchers (formally the Hogs Head).

After battling my way through the "Authentic French Market" in town, I managed to get to WH Smiths to get the sunday rags. On the way out, door mats with "Bonjour" all over the gaff and 10p mixup sweets galore - hardly French.

Rich looked like he'd done 10 rounds with Tyson while he was eating a Kebab, so decided to skip Lunch incase "He threw up all over my food" - Niice.

Prince John O of the Pig n' Fiddle (Man U fan) decided he would join us for a laugh - which was nice of him. So after Newcastle going 2-0 down at half time, humour dropped to an all time low with grins coming from John O. After feeling a little rough myself, I decided to stay on diet coke and some orange and passion fruit juice - Jeez why ?!? Full time was approaching and for the first time in a while, started to pressure Man U and looked like we could get at least a drawer to take it into extra time. However everytime we countered, Man U done the same - just they scored - Final Score - 4-1 - Once again public humiliation and a year without a trophy.

Conclusion :- Sack Souness before he destroys the team anymore, he couldnt manage a Newsagents, nevermind Newcastle United.

Curry Night :: Happy Friday

Friday night has turned into a Curry night for myself and my two lovely neighbours, John and Debbie. So typically after another crap day at work, we set off down towards King Baba's - after their usual (Jeez, they wont try anything new) and my Chicken Pakora and Chicken Tikka main meal (without onions) and Garlic naan, we headed to the Jug. Sadly the lovely barmaid wasnt there, but the offer of buy 2 glasses of wine - get the rest of the bottle for free was still on - handy and cheap when there are 3 of you. After 5 bottles of wine, i started to feel wrecked, and so did John and Debbie I think - then Captain PFH and Ian turns up - for a little bit of tom foolery (Tom wasnt there).

I decided enough was enough and walked John home - who by this time could barely speak. Debbie and PFH went to Silx for a boogie and continued binge drinking. John fell over in their communal area and had to be picked up - then sent me a rude MSN message saying he wanted big male chickens ... no idea what thats about

Newcastle, Old Story

Once again, Newcaslte United hit the headlines for all the wrong reasons - this time, Robert making comments about the team and how we've taken a step back from last year. FACT:- He's right! So, in return, Captain "I dont have a clue how to manage a football team, but give me a go and loads of cash too" Souness decides to drop Robert altogether. "Its not about Robert, its not about Shearer, its not about Souness - its about Newcastle United" - so take that as you will - so if its the best for Newcastle United to play the strongest team, then Robert should play. After going 1-0 up in the first half, I was gleefully rubbing my hands together, almost happy for once. Then in 45 mins of stupidity, we conceed 4 goals and get kicked out of a cup we could have won giving the ride from lady luck. This put me in a bad and angry mood - only aided by the lovely barmaid in the Jug and Jester, who had a fantastic smile with firery red hair - which isnt what I tend to go for, but she was happy enough to give me Stella beer mats, even tho I didnt buy Stella.

Newcastle United - Sham!

Faffing around in the desert

After a stressful start to the week, Captain Rich suggested a night out at the cinema. One of his fav books had been made into a film and he was excited like a small child opening presents on Christmas morning. Of course, he arranges it on Wednesday night, meeting at 8ish in Leamington. As you may or may not know, I have football on Wednesday nights starting at 6pm - so I was grinning ear to ear when I thought I could do both - and still have some time for food. Needless to say, the little scroats that play after us, didnt turn up - so we had the pitch for as long as we fancied - well technically til everyone dropped down due to leg failure. We managed to play for 90 mins when people just hoofed the ball around, so we give up the ghost there. Having managed to get a lift to the station, I managed to get the energy back to jog up to my gaff (5 min jog), quick shower, then run into town to meet the princess, the wolf and captain desert storm. Of course I turn up to the cinema sweating like a sweaty thing and my lungs about to collapse (not collapsed lung - thats a band - silly).

Anyhooo, 5 gallons of diet pepsi and a vat of sweet popcorn later - we're in the darkness watching trailers for;

• starwars III (looks good)
• war of the worlds (looks good)
• Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy (looks fab)

Anyhoo, the movie we went to see was Sahara - excellent film - one of them you could watch again and again, much to Rich's delight, coz he thought we were gonna hate it.

After the movie, we ended up around the corner for a quick pint of Stella, and ended up in Kelsey's til 1am after a couple more. Nice! All in all, a relaxing fantastic night - just what the Doctor (not Who) ordered for a crap week

Football is a game of 2 half pints

Rich was kind enough to invite me around to his gaff to watch the weekend - Spurs v Newcastle. Earlier last month, Newcastle beat (or as some greasy haired tap up idiots like to say "won") Spurs 1-0 in the FA Cup to reach the Semi's. My sister is a spurs fan, so we always have a little bit of family banter. Anyhoo, after Newcastle gifted Spurs a goal, we eventually lost, yet again - much to my humour, so I took it out of Rich's nice new PSP and didnt do very well at that. He decided that we went out for a couple of jars to relax on a Sunday night, so we opted for TJs - a nice bar and bistro down the road from me.

After sinking a couple of pints of Stella and reading the sunday papers, I recieved a couple of text messages from a nameless source - and now have resolved the matter and wont hear from her again. Along time coming, but when you care about someone like I did, you always wish there to be a small chance - even tho small it could have been. Anyhoo, I basically told it how it was - ALL or NOTHING - she opted for NOTHING - leaving me to get on with my life - which is cool - just annoying and frustrating.

To perk me up a little - we ventured to Viali's (C) for chips and pitta bread - where I was nearly sick. Roll on Monday!

We're all going on a summer holiday *

I woke up a little refreshed today, decided I was gonna book a nice summer holiday, so made the effort of going into the travel agents. I'm not embarresed about going on my way, but dont really like the idea of having to book it and having women stare at me, like I'm odd. So I kinda hovered around the door for a while, then wandered off to buy some new trainers - which to be fair are pretty nice. After a little more window shopping (well, you know, I wasnt looking to buy a window, but it looked nice) I popped back in to be greeted by a smilie friendly assistant. This didnt last long as she then told me sarcastically to "sit down young man" and CYPRUS - "YOU WILL GO THERE - ITS GREAT - RIGHT!!!!?!" Thankfully Captain Rich walked in who was taken back when she threated to ban him from the shop - to which, myself and Rich were pretty sarcy towards her back. She was nice, attractive, and slightly on edge - well, way over that edge. I took away a couple of leaflets, and the ones she ripped out of the "local only mag" without booking anything.

Being in shock at that point, I suggested we went for a medicinal beverage - to which we had a few (3 or 4) and I had a spot for food. John O arrived with a glee in his eye and joined in - and we laughed when his horse in the national was knocked over by a stray horse when he was on course to winning 200 notes. His fake smile lasted for about 3 nanoseconds, but me and Rich continued and decided to leave the conversation alone when John was a little angry with red swirly eyes. Rich once again made his excuses and wanted to avoid any all day session (it was around 5.45 by then) so myself and John O went to the Well for more beverage. We bumped into a few people I knew, one of which got dumped by a boyfriend, so we bought her some drinks to cheer her up and got introduced by some 18 year old lass. Quite attractive, so nervous, so nervous in fact, she talked so fast so we couldnt understand - thus forcing us to change the conversation 102 times. This was the general theme til about 12:30 when we were told to leave the pub as they were closing early due to a flood. John O was so out of it, that he followed me towards my house, then complained because it wasnt where he lived - like it was my fault!

Wining Dining Miming

Had a fantastic night tonight, nice and relaxed. Debbie suggested (via MSN while I was working from home) that herself, John and I go out for something to eat - "Because I cant be bothered to make something tonight for me and John". A curry was decided, and we ended up Kizmet (next door to my fav Pizza place ever) in town, after my usual, Chick Pak and Chick Pit, we ended up in the Jug for the "buy two glasses of wine, get the third free" offer - fantastically cheap round for three people of 5 quid. So after the 4th round of wine, and feeling a little knackered we ended up walking hope - and strong tho I am, I went straight to bed - rather than taking up the usual kind offer of beers next door.

Sporting Play

Newcastle played their 1st game in the Quarter finals of the UEFA Cup (probaly our only chance of silver wear this year - and technically for the last 50 years). I managed to convince Rich to pop out for a Pizza at Piccolinos - which is a fab place bottom of town. We havent been there for ages ( infact the last time was boozed up as part of the last major internation football contest back in the summer of 2004 ). After that, and a couple of beers, we pottered over to the Jug to catch the game - sadly a dull affair, probably still marred by last weekends trouble at St James Park, however the beer still flowed. Captain John O turned up with his lady friend and we chatted, chilled and some of swore at football and many other external factors that no longer matter. Around 11pm, Rich announces that he was going home to sleep - yes, you can imagine it - there was also pinky little fairies, chocolate rabbits and little green men walking around as me and John O looked at each other in panic and concern. Turns out that Skip Rich had to be in London with Spanner Roots and Muscleman JT and he didnt wanna look crap all day - fair enough, but we were still confused and stunned. After a couple more beers and chatting, we decided it was time to leave - well technically we were told to leave by the bar staff who wanted to go home - which was probably just as well.